i never understood how people could
fall in love and stay that way:
once i’m in, i’m banging down the doors
for someone to let me out.

just last week i was writing pretty words
about you, all for you,
how i wish you were by my side and
what i would give to make that wish true.

you’re mine now, and at first
i thought all the loose ends in my life
had finally been *******,
that all my problems would be resolved.

but now i know that those problems
lie in the chambers of my heart,
and nobody, not even you, not even me,
has the power to fix them.

there’s a boy who has my heart,
with gentle hands and gentle eyes,
who loves me unconditionally,
who would give me the world
wrapped up in a pretty box if he could,
whose mouth travels no further
than to my own,
who shows me what it means
to love and be loved.

there’s a boy i see every week,
with dark eyes and hands
that look rough and ruthless,
who shows me that i’m human,
flawed and full of rage, lust, fire,
whose mouth begs to meet mine,
dares me to make a thousand mistakes,
who pushes my imagination
into the most primal parts of my mind.

i’ve never really known what love is.

i’ve seen my mom cry
too many tears and my father leave
too many footprints out the door, heard
too many silent arguments,
felt the weight of
too much tension in the air
come crashing down onto our heads,
to get a good grasp on the concept.

i was drenched in what others
wanted me to be when you found me,
broken and whimpering,
and i couldn’t have told you the difference
between love and appreciation.

i’ve never really known what love is.
but with you i think i can learn.