All that hard work.
Blocking out every
Memory....
All just went to waste.

You wrote things on social media.
Okay, like that is anything new.
But you wrote them about me.
Again, nothing new.
But I saw them.
And you know what they did?
They just made me remember things I tried so hard to block out.
Yeah, so thanks.
Because I just relapsed,
Right back into be afraid again.
Some protector you turned out to be.

I don't quite know
How to explain how I feel.
It is like a
Content Happiness.
I feel so alive yet so warm and sleepy in your arms.
I like this feeling.
And I don't intend on letting it go.

Because of what you did
Now I am a statistic.
Just another number.
I am now a survivor...
But this doesn't feel like I'm surviving.
This feels like I am drowning.

I miss you so much it hurts and I want to cry, and you know I don't cry, ever. I miss our friendship, how we used to laugh and goof around. How we smiled when we started dating. I loved knowing I was the reason for the smile on your face, it made me feel amazing. When we broke up, it was hard, on both of us. Then you told me that you wanted to marry me, you were so close to getting a ring. You said you knew the second we started dating, you wanted me all to yourself forever, you want to be my one and only. Then you hurt me, you took everything away from me. You forced yourself on me and you broke everything that I was. I don't miss you I now realize, I miss what we had, what we represented, true friendship, true love, true trust.....too bad you did what you did....I was going to say yes....

I have a long list of dreams.
I want to be a wife,
A mother,
I want to work my dream job.
I want to open up a bakery.
I want to have my big house with the white fence and the children running in the yard on a summer day.
I want that fairytail wedding.
I want to cuddle up with you and laugh around a bonfire with our friends.
I dream about the future and how happy I know I will be.
I dream of traveling around the world, and going to France.
I dream of you.
I just don't know who you are yet.

I love standing in the rain.
Because when you are in the rain,
No one can tell if they are
Raindrops
or
Tears.