You marinated in the drawn-out seconds
Curling your hands into question marks
Here is a reply to your demand
I did not leave you because I stopped caring
I ran away
because the longer I stay
the less I loved myself
And I have had my share of wounds
to know that I would bleed us both dry
before I finished letting you drink
from a half-shattered cup

Hey, you.

I know you.
Aren't you the one who always lose her phone?
The clumsy girl walking around with a humongous stack of papers
Always everywhere at any given time
Making such a ruckus on the front seats,
blabbing and laughing loudly with your friends

You are all bright smiles and dead eyes

I know you.
Of course, I know you.
You're the creepy girl who always give smiles to a stranger
Always saying hello first
The one who tries so **** hard to stay awake in class
But never fails to snooze out on the fourth slide.
The girl who always lends an ear, a shoulder and a heart
Not for once get them returned back to you.
Have you ever wondered why things break more easily in other's hand?

Hey, you.

I care about you
What's the matter with those bags?
You are practically a panda.
Have the 7-day-straight all-nighter finally taken its toll on you?
You look so weak, sweetheart
A 19-year-old girl should not be this weak
You should be outside drinking sunlight
Wrecking the world with your group of little troublemakers.
Your eyes are tired and so does your brain.
Those arteries and veins, fraction ejection and all the types of arrhythmia
The numbers and words and pages and books to read, chapters to review, questions to answer
They will not go away
But you can.

Hey, you.

I am scared
You are slipping farther and farther away, I can barely recognize you anymore
When I see your face and stare into your eyes
I find broken shards
You feel bad for letting the day pass without turning a page
Beat yourself up for the hours went by without the facts memorized
What are you doing this for?
You used to love learning
Now, it's hard to breathe among the questions
You used to be alive
Now, nothing resonates within

Hey, you.
Please.

Take a seat. Wash your hair. Splash in puddles. Drink some tea.
Go hibernate like a polar bear!
Chew the bamboos, but get rid of the eyebags
Swim in the bathtub for hours and no one will disturb you
I will turn up the music so loud you cannot even hear your own wavering heartbeats
No one will hurt you
I will fight tooth and nail for your peace
When the world betrays and demands
My hands will bundle up your heart with the softest blanket
When the world whispers words of hate
I will scream declarations in your name
I promise I am here for you

The world can wait for your love
Your body should not
Shower it with attention
Drown in with care

Hey, you.
The girl in the mirror

I love you
I really do
Or at least, I'm trying to

You are a child who doesn't know better
Who destroys the things that he loves
Who cuts up flowers in the street
to be brought back home
Someone who kills in the face of beauty

It's okay to come back here
To a place that may or may not feel like home
I promise you a safe place to breathe
I promise comfort for your stomach and heart

Take your time to cry
Souls also need to be washed clean sometimes
Don't worry about wetting the sheets
Tears are meant to be dropped afterall

See you when the morning comes

Do you remember?
She used to word-***** at times like these

When the panic bar just got a little too high
She grabbed tight all the dictions and phrases from memories
Splattering down broken grammar and random words
Desperately knitting meaning to sentences
A terrible hoarder, she is.

Do you remember?
She did understand.

But she has lent you too many chapters of her story
Now her library looked like it was picked empty
Except for the few cardboard boxes she desperately hid behind the run-down shelves

She has led you in too many hallways
Now she wept and swept the floor with her sorrow
Scattering ripped pages of her crumpled paper heart
As she learned to be alone

Everything happens for a reason
But the night has come
And you were gone
The library has to finally sleep in

I see myself as someone who is quite
easy to forgive, easy to forget
Some days I take "what's there to forgive?" mentality to the extreme
unhealthy, even

But you have to understand
one who loves deeply, gets hurt deeply also

I sewed your secrets under the skin of my back where no one would ever find
I locked the hurricanes and tornadoes you flung against me
I let not one of the nights spent crying and the days filled with fear out of my front door
Don't you see all the unfinished business tattooed around the tip of my fingers?

How dare you mistook these arms for buffet
And my loyalty for rain boots
You wore only when it rained
And discarded as soon as they're worn

You knew how afraid I was to trust people
You knew
And still you had to break it in the worst possible way
You choke me with tears

I would rather suffer my broken heart,
than endure the suffering that is coming to you
What a terrible thing you will carry inside you
for the rest of your life
How can you step into the sun
with so much darkness sleeping behind your eyes?

I can say with absolute certainty that everyone was at fault
You were at fault
I was at fault
No matter the percentages, we were all taking parts in this massacre of feelings
No matter how much sorry we throw,
they won't make up for the enormous amount of holes we stabbed into each other
Thank you, I said to you
For letting me learn how to deal with hatred
For letting me recognize my weaknesses

Today, I forgive you
Maybe today, I'll stop talking to God about you

Hey
Do you want to die?

Shall we do it together?
Some people will be sad
But people always find reasons to be sad
With or without us
They will cry, they will be angry, they will be lost
But soon, they will move on
Life always walks away from you in the end
The sky will never look bluer and the sun will never shine brighter
Memories will be forgotten and pictures will fade along
It will seem like you have never been there before
But, hey
Isn't it why you want to leave in the first place?

After all the pity party is over, let us be the ones that got away
We can soar through the sky
Float among the clouds and let the wind blow our hair dry
We can sing loudly,
Bravely.
Till our throats squeeze out the last of words
Leave us gasping for the last lost hopes

I will let you hold my hand.

We can visit the places you wanna go, laugh at people's weird quirks
Not condescendingly, of course
Just trying to be happy with the time we have
Or do not have
Whatever.
We can cry, if you want
All those pent up regrets and sorrow
Let it all out. I'll keep it for you
We can talk all night long under the stars
I will tell you my favorite colors and you have to tell me yours
Sheep are overrated
I'll let you drift to sleep while counting every grain of sand in the sea,
And I will make up stories for you to hear a thousand times over

I will even let you call me names.
We will make inside joke that is so complicated even we forget where it ends and how it began
I will fill your heart with joy so big you'll wish you had all the containers in the world to fill.
I will let you sit beside me,
And we will dream about how good life is and it will be my turn to cry
Because how I wish we still had lives to live
How I wish we still had the time to say things left unsaid and listen to souls left unloved
We do still have have time

You are alive

So please, live.
Because I want to make you glad that you are breathing
I want to whisper your name in the dark and hear you say mine back
I want to make inside jokes and laugh to your off-tune singing
I will count Pokemon for you because let's face it, sand is also overrated
I will let you hold my hand.
And my heart
And my hope
My dreams and my deepest dark secrets
Just handle them with care
I do not have enough band-aids with me
You know how it feels to not be able to mend a broken heart

I want to let you taste relief.
And haven't I promised to keep your burden for you
When dark days come and everything becomes a little too hard to bear?
I want to say I love you,
Not love like "kissing and cupids in the air",
But love like, "I'm going to hug you a lil bit tighter and a lil bit longer when you're blue."
Love from one lonely human being to another lovely human being
I want to say "hello" and "see you next time,"
Many times, over and over again,
Even if I do not know you
Yet.

Really

I want to wish you happiness
Because you deserve that
I will even give you my band-aids

So, hello.

And see you next time.