I fell in love with life
And it broke my heart

After a storm comes a rainbow they say
But the storm ripped the roof off my house
The storm drowned my entire family
The storm left me with nothing
And so now
The rainbow dosent mean that much

all I wanted
was to try on dresses
for prom
but the old man
whose eyes were constantly on my breast
made me pack my things
and leave hours early

all I wanted
was to study for my test
but the senior in my class
couldn't take no for an answer
even after I said it
50 times

all I wanted
was to wear a tank top
in the 90 degrees weather
but my mother handed me a shawl
because to her
i looked like a *****

all I wanted
was to find my favorite candy
grab a soda
and go
I didn't want to feel the hand brush
my ****
as a man squeezed by
in the spacious
empty
aisle

all I wanted
was for you to love me
or at least like me
but after fnding out
I wasn't going to hang out with you
alone
you decided
to talk to serena
instead

all I wanted
was to wear shorts
but I won't
I don't want anyone to think
im asking for it
I don't want the stares
so I put on jeans
and sweat it out

I think it's weird that
we as people in society
play so many roles
in other stories
you might be a hero
a villain
an extra
a savior
a destroyer
a lover
we are all these things

I don't love you
but
I don't have the heart
to tell you that
I never do
so instead I wait
and hope
that every argument
every kiss
every hug
will be the last

I don't write
love poems about
sunshine
rainbows
unicorns
strawberry scented marker
there's too many
of those
I write
what I think nobody wants to hear
I write other peoples
struggles
fears
pain
heartaches
because I'm not really a poet
im more of a
collector

I will go to college this fall
I will be the first one to ever do it
and by first I really do mean
first
I'm nervous and excited
to have a dorm
and make friends
fall in and out of love
study
I still haven't found myself
I'm hoping
that by the end of my 4 years
I'll have figured out

I wonder if you really know
what you've done
I gave you my heart
my trust
my time
and like a spoiled child
it wasn't enough
I wonder if
that one night
was worth our 2years
I try to say
it's not as bad as it is
that you never understood me anyway
that I needed something new anyway
but It doesn't help
all I can do
is move on

you're almost as hollow
as the water bottle beside you
so hollow in fact
that when someone whispers something in your ear
it bounces off your insides
and back outside your mouth
your rumors
are never true
rumors aren't supposed to have
a fiction section you know
I know things about you
things no one else does
but I won't tell
because if I did
me and you
wouldn't be any different

my younger self
would be thoroughly disappointed
if she knew
what I've done
she had it all planned out
an exact map
I was supposed to follow
I'm supposed to be different
I was walking the road
she wanted
but life came
and tore the road out the ground
with ****** teeth
and sharp talons
until its shattered pieces lay around me
you can't put a road back together
if you cant remeber where it was
you were going in the first place

I wish you could truly love me
I dont want to be your play thing forever
I want what I cant have
I want to be your equal
But instead im just your toy
Undeserving of any love except what you decide to give me
Waiting patiently for when you decide to pick me up and play with me again
I don't know what I'll do
When the day you outgrow dolls finally comes

I was thrown in a raging river as a child
it was dark
it was cold
it was scary
I managed to learn how to float
to calm my breath
and stay afloat
but then a sailor came along
we shall call him life
he tied bricks in rope
and hung them from my neck
a cursed gift
on land, I would've been fine
but I was in a raging river
the bricks are too many now
I can feel myself slowly sinking
unable to swim
unable to float
I hope I can somehow find a way to remove the bricks
because I know if I don't
ill drown

There's fairy's in my blood
In the way I feel things
Like the sunlight dancing on my skin
Or the smell of morning dew on fresh grass
The way a bee lands on a flower just right
And the stream water passing through my fingers
Like time

There's humans in my brain
As the shadows creep into the darkest corners of my mind at night
As the hopeless state of the world surrounds me
As the thought of becoming a adult with a dead spirit frightens me
The thought that one day I'll give up poetry and art and dancing in the shower and take up something more reasonable
Like stocks and bonds

My fairy spirit cannot survive in this human world
But I cannot hear this world without my spirit
Whatever shall I do

as I am sitting in class
ignoring my teacher
pretending to do my work
I notice
80 percent of my class is white
90 percent is male
no wonder
when my teacher asks us
to choose sides
during certain topics
I am often alone
in my opinions

I look back at my poetry
The ones about sunshine
Strawberrys
And fresh breezes
To remind myself
That at some point
I was truly happy

hey don't look
at the injustice
poverty
death
the wails
help they cry
but hey
look
tristan is cheating on Khloe with Jordyn
isn't that interesting
hey don't look
over there
where we do awful things
you don't want to see that?
do you?
here's a new dance challenge try it
*** look at what she's wearing
that's right
arent these shiny things so pretty
you dont need to care about that yucky stuff
just stay here
trapped in your little bubble
until we no longer need you
isn't it easier?
to pretend
everything's ok

If I were to be completely honest
I dont tell the people in my life about my poetry
I guess it's much easier to take criticism from strangers

I ate them as a child
7
Dunking them in water
Because they were too spicy to swallow
Almost like burning coals
Still, I ate them because you did

I ate them in middle school
13
As we passed the bag back and forth
Between us during math
Knowing if caught
It would be goodbye
To the bag, we both chipped in to buy

I ate them freshman year
Our first football game
While you stared at the cheerleader
In the skirt and high ponytail
Later on, you´d show me the texts
And I would pretend
Not to care too much

I ate them just a year ago
Sitting at my table doing homework
Watching the new
Your car was suddenly on screen
I knew before the reporter even said it
You were dead

I eat them now
As I type a poem about you
You hated poetry
How ironic
As I reach for another
I could've sworn
I felt your hand
Bump against mine

Remember they say
As they puff on their cigarettes
Sending black smoke from their lips
Into the blue sky
Remember they say
Smoking kills

I crave life
I crave life like a child craves their mother
I want so much
I want to experience everything
I want to feel every feeling
I want to walk in golden sunlight
and drink from fresh springs
I want to dance naked in the forest
I want to fall in love
I want to have my heart broken
I want to stay awake for 3 days straight
I want to walk the edge of a cliff
and fall
my heart longs
to be free and wild
but grounded and in control
it swells in my chest
until i cant think
of nothing else
but escape

Id rather never loved
Than loved and lost
Not because I hate love
But because ignorance is truly bliss
And you cant suffer from a broken heart
If you never had a heart to begin with

I think I'm in love
but there's a problem
shes a girl
and so am i
I would be the last person
you'd expect
but I wish to kiss her lips
I wish to trail my finger along her jaw
and more
so much more
I wish to run my hands through her hair
and to press her body against a locker
I wish for soft whispers
warm hands
i wish

I dont think we poets try to be deep
We don't try to make nothing out of something
We dont try to be dramatic for no reason
We just want to explore the beauty and heartbreak of life
I guess
In a world that forgot its ok to be human
We try to remember

Not even reality can hold me
Gravity cannot stop my thoughts from floating elsewhere
Laws of physics do not apply to my dreams
Order is transformed into chaos
And the line between sanity and insanity
Blur

it's the last 10 minutes
of my last year
in high school
my heart feels like it's about to explode
I am not the same
the starry-eyed hopeless romantic
14 year old
that explored these halls for the first time
the smell of coffee and perfume
became my home
the teachers and students
my family
I will always wear the color purple with pride
I feel as if I'm on the last page
of a book I really liked
sad, that the memories passed
oh so fast
but excited
to start a new book
with new characters
new settings
and a whole new plot

I want
to wear white flowing dresses
and crowns of flowers
as I float through a beautiful
meadow
I want you to see me
and sigh to yourself
how ethereal
I want
to wear a black leather jacket
and ripped jeans
I want to ride around
on a roaring motorcycle
through the streets
of a busy city
I want
to wear big glasses
and Dutch braids
sitting in a cofee shop
reading a book of poetry
or a classic novel
I want you to glance
at me through the dusty window
and fall in love
I want
to wear messy buns
and bright clothing
and blue overalls
forver stained with
acylic paint
I want my smile
and chirpy voice
to brighten someone's day
but I am
wearing blue flannel
gazing out my classroom window
messy hair
chewed sleeves
writing about the lives
that could only belong
to characters
in a story

I wish someone would read my words
not just read them
but feel them
I wish my words would lift
their soul in ways that
they cannot understand
I wish my words
sent others to different worlds
I wish my words
could transform you
into different people
I wish my words
would give you my experiences
my heartbreak
mistakes
happiness

I dream of pricking my thumb upon a star
Of dancing with faeries in forest
Of flying among the birds and clouds
However
only when I tell people I want to live happy and free forever
That I want a truly deep and wonderful love that will last forever
Do they tell me that now
I am truly dreaming

My voice seems
Perpetually
Forever
Lost
Among the chorus
Because no one can hear just one voice
My voice
When everyone is screaming too

I'm tired of
candy
Sweet and ****
Crushed hearts
Chocolate roses
Sweet Tarts
I'm tired of
I love you
Dreams don't come true
You think you're sly
Do all men lie?
I'm tired of
Broken windows
Mine and yours
Matching robes
His and hers
I'm sick of
Honey, sweet pea
It's not you, it's me
Please don't go
Honey is for bees
I'm tired of
Broken dreams
Shattered hearts
Empty beds
Hope went too far

There's are things
Things not even the smartest man can explain
Things that you'd have to see to believe
Things that go against every law of nature is humans have laid down
These things are indeed
Magical

I cried in the school bathroom today
it was during 2nd period which I happen to love
I've never done that before
that's another first you've given me
heartbreaker
I've had many first these past few days
first, time getting cheated on
first time feeling my heart ache for someone
who didn't think twice about hurting me
first time I've had to look at your hands
and know that they've been touching someone else
yes I do believe this is my first heartbreak
thank you
heartbreaker

you dont like poetry
especially mine
why cant you understand
that every word is not exaggerated
but it is exactly what I think
just covered in silk robes
and crowned with flower petals
why can't you understand
that I dream of
green forest
and crystal clear oceans
that I am not trying to be edgy
I'm just trying to understand
myself

my mind is the most important thing to me
the only thing truly mine
they can break your body
silence your mouth
they can change your appearance
and force you to say what they want
but they cannot take your thoughts
what power!
to be able to think whatever you want
no consequences
no worries
all yours
that's why I carefully select what I share
because my thoughts are my treasures
you would just give away your treasure to any old person
would you?

Never work at McDonald's
Or you'll come home every night smelling of grease
Never work at McDonald's
Or you'll fall in love with your manager
The one with 3 kids and a wife
Never work at McDonald's
Or you'll get yelled at for things out of your control
Never work at McDonald's
Unless you are ready to put you job above your education
Never work at McDonald's
Just dont

I fear i do not see the point of going on.
The once cheerful meadow i had named my outlook on life.
With blue clear skies and golden beams of sunlight.
Have become nothing more than a graveyard of hopes.
With the ghost of my dreams rotting in their caskets.
I do not feel that i belong in this time and in this place.
In fact i feel i don't belong at all.
Anywhere.
I long for things well outside my grasp.
I mourn my happiness every night.
How i wish to fly.
I would fly away from this horrid place.
I would find a place where I'd belong.
If only.

It is indeed a **** or be killed world.
and i for one.
am tired of being slaughtered.

I ate eggs and toast for breakfast
no butter
no salt
no jam
no jelly
not because I want to
but because I have to

I worked out for 2 hours straight
crunches
lunges
sit ups
squats
I only had one meal today
so dizzy but I keep going
no, because I want to
but because I have to

I wore a crop top
filled my face with makeup
but in my earring
and curled my hair
time to go out with my friends
I'm tired
my body hurts
but I still go
not because I want to
but because I have to

there are rumors being spread about me
they say
I'm a *****
a liar
a fake
they call me
ugly
stupid
f
a
t
I defend myself
helplessly
not because I want to
but because I have to

I'm sad
I'm angry
no one cares
they hate
me
wasted time
wasted life
**** yourself
they say
I've done what they told me too so far
so why stop now
so I stepped in front of the car
not because I wanted to
but because i had to

poems
do not have to rhyme
in fact
the best ones
often do not

sometimes I feel
as if the fountain of ideas
has run dry
like every poem, movie, book, song
is in one way or another
the same as another one
is it possible?
have we reached our peak?
will there ever be anything new?
fresh?
even this poem I am writing now
is it just recycled material?

when I was younger
I would run down
the grassy hill behind the school
I would close my eyes
and pretend
to be someone else
somewhere else
my troubles
would float away
and tangle with the leaves
my fears
would evaporate
in the warm sunlight
so imagine my disappointment
when I opened my eyes
and found myself at the bottom of the hill

I sleep on white fluffy blankets
And order starbucks without much worry
I wear nike shoes
And expensive jewlery
Yet everytime I look in the mirror I see little me
The one that slept on hardwood floors
And ate canned corn almost everyday
The one who didnt know how to wash her clothes and so instead wore them to school ***** and smelly
The one that stared at expensive jewelry from afar wishing it were mine
And so I feel like an imposter
A liar
At my university
of silver spooned baby's

why do
my shorter poems
get more attention
then my long ones
I think
you
are
all
just
a
bit
l a z y
(it's ok though because so am i)

Nothing's sadder than scrolling down your friend list
Looking through your contacts
And sitting around your friends
And realizing
These people dont care about you
These people dont love you
Your bond is as artificial
As splenda

in acting today
my teacher said
the more space you take up
the more confident you seem
the more attention you gain
while other kids broadened their shoulders
stretched out their feet
and put their hands on their hips
I shrank into my self
attention is not wanted by everyone you know!

we are liars
we are lovers
we are adventures
we are books
with millions of stories inside
we are fighters
we are criers
we are mistakes
things that weren't
suppose to happen
we are watchers
we are waiters
we are hunters
in a great jungle
we are murders
we are witnesses
we are martyrs
standing up
for what we believe in
we are smart
we are young
we are human
that, we are

I used to long independence and responsibly
I wanted to be an adult and go to college and do what I wanted
Now I long freedom
I long the carefree idiocy
The childhood that was like one long daydream
I guess I just never realized
The two were mutually exclusive

The world is ending you know
The life around me tell me so
No aliens
Or monsters
Or raptures from god
No huge asteroid to strike us out
Like pins at a bowling alley
Boom
Just us
Live by the sword
Die by the word
I guess we've been living by the sword far too long

I was listening
to clair de lune
walking to class
there you were under the tree
with the little white petals
that forever seems to be falling to the ground
you were leaning on the tree
and looking around
that moment
that one breathe taking a moment
makes me want you even more
you looked so
radiant
otherworldly
ethereal
*sigh

there is a fire in my chest at the moment
it's my anger as it flares up
burning away any love I have for you
the smoke from the fire
wafts out of my mouth
along with the hateful words, I spit
you try to calm me
you try to douse the fire with freezing cold water
but my fire isn't that simple
it's electric
bright and full of passion
water cannot put it out
I have a feeling it'll burn forever
or maybe itll turn to ash with me
on my last day