I look back at my poetry
The ones about sunshine
Strawberrys
And fresh breezes
To remind myself
That at some point
I was truly happy

I fell in love with life
And it broke my heart

After a storm comes a rainbow they say
But the storm ripped the roof off my house
The storm drowned my entire family
The storm left me with nothing
And so now
The rainbow dosent mean that much

you dont like poetry
especially mine
why cant you understand
that every word is not exaggerated
but it is exactly what I think
just covered in silk robes
and crowned with flower petals
why can't you understand
that I dream of
green forest
and crystal clear oceans
that I am not trying to be edgy
I'm just trying to understand
myself

to be young
and free
what I would give
I am already young
I've heard 18
is a such a tender age
I've heard
that it's ok
to fall in love
with everything
to stay out at night
to watch the sunrise
what a beautiful philosophy
if only I was free
but I am not
the chains that hold me
are too strong

Never work at McDonald's
Or you'll come home every night smelling of grease
Never work at McDonald's
Or you'll fall in love with your manager
The one with 3 kids and a wife
Never work at McDonald's
Or you'll get yelled at for things out of your control
Never work at McDonald's
Unless you are ready to put you job above your education
Never work at McDonald's
Just dont

there is a fire in my chest at the moment
it's my anger as it flares up
burning away any love I have for you
the smoke from the fire
wafts out of my mouth
along with the hateful words, I spit
you try to calm me
you try to douse the fire with freezing cold water
but my fire isn't that simple
it's electric
bright and full of passion
water cannot put it out
I have a feeling it'll burn forever
or maybe itll turn to ash with me
on my last day

I ate them as a child
7
Dunking them in water
Because they were too spicy to swallow
Almost like burning coals
Still, I ate them because you did

I ate them in middle school
13
As we passed the bag back and forth
Between us during math
Knowing if caught
It would be goodbye
To the bag, we both chipped in to buy

I ate them freshman year
Our first football game
While you stared at the cheerleader
In the skirt and high ponytail
Later on, you´d show me the texts
And I would pretend
Not to care too much

I ate them just a year ago
Sitting at my table doing homework
Watching the new
Your car was suddenly on screen
I knew before the reporter even said it
You were dead

I eat them now
As I type a poem about you
You hated poetry
How ironic
As I reach for another
I could've sworn
I felt your hand
Bump against mine

There's are things
Things not even the smartest man can explain
Things that you'd have to see to believe
Things that go against every law of nature is humans have laid down
These things are indeed
Magical

I wonder if you really know
what you've done
I gave you my heart
my trust
my time
and like a spoiled child
it wasn't enough
I wonder if
that one night
was worth our 2years
I try to say
it's not as bad as it is
that you never understood me anyway
that I needed something new anyway
but It doesn't help
all I can do
is move on

I crave life
I crave life like a child craves their mother
I want so much
I want to experience everything
I want to feel every feeling
I want to walk in golden sunlight
and drink from fresh springs
I want to dance naked in the forest
I want to fall in love
I want to have my heart broken
I want to stay awake for 3 days straight
I want to walk the edge of a cliff
and fall
my heart longs
to be free and wild
but grounded and in control
it swells in my chest
until i cant think
of nothing else
but escape

I think it's weird that
we as people in society
play so many roles
in other stories
you might be a hero
a villain
an extra
a savior
a destroyer
a lover
we are all these things

Remember they say
As they puff on their cigarettes
Sending black smoke from their lips
Into the blue sky
Remember they say
Smoking kills

hey don't look
at the injustice
poverty
death
the wails
help they cry
but hey
look
tristan is cheating on Khloe with Jordyn
isn't that interesting
hey don't look
over there
where we do awful things
you don't want to see that?
do you?
here's a new dance challenge try it
*** look at what she's wearing
that's right
arent these shiny things so pretty
you dont need to care about that yucky stuff
just stay here
trapped in your little bubble
until we no longer need you
isn't it easier?
to pretend
everything's ok

I like to think pretty girls are the luckiest
Because everyone notices them
But perhaps its me who is lucky
For not a soul notices me
And what's luckier then having the power
Of invisibility

the problem with growing up reading books
is that you seem to absorb the characters
and having so much different people inside you
makes you unsure of who you are
sometimes I am Bella Swan
or massie block
or Cathy Dollenganger
or Juliet Capulet
or huckleberry fin
somedays I fall in love with everything
then some I don't have time for it
sometimes I want to be feminine
others I rather just wear all black
is that ok
to be more than one person
is it ok
to always be unsure of who you are

sometimes I feel
as if the fountain of ideas
has run dry
like every poem, movie, book, song
is in one way or another
the same as another one
is it possible?
have we reached our peak?
will there ever be anything new?
fresh?
even this poem I am writing now
is it just recycled material?

Not even reality can hold me
Gravity cannot stop my thoughts from floating elsewhere
Laws of physics do not apply to my dreams
Order is transformed into chaos
And the line between sanity and insanity
Blur

I hate college
I hate my classmates
I hate my classes
I hate my extracurriculars
I hate my teachers
Why am I still here?
Because society tells me as a black female from a poor family im lucky to be here
The thing is though
I don't feel lucky
I feel trapped

I used to long independence and responsibly
I wanted to be an adult and go to college and do what I wanted
Now I long freedom
I long the carefree idiocy
The childhood that was like one long daydream
I guess I just never realized
The two were mutually exclusive

It is indeed a **** or be killed world.
and i for one.
am tired of being slaughtered.

I wish someone would read my words
not just read them
but feel them
I wish my words would lift
their soul in ways that
they cannot understand
I wish my words
sent others to different worlds
I wish my words
could transform you
into different people
I wish my words
would give you my experiences
my heartbreak
mistakes
happiness

Depression is not a personality trait
Not being able to get out of bed is not quirky
Cutting off all your friends because you think they hate you is not fun
Wanting to. Succeed but not having the motivation is not #lazylife
Drug addicitons and cutting do not make you a beautiful disaster
And faking depression because you think it's romantic or edgy is disgusting
Thanks for coming to my ted-talk

I long for soft breezes and golden sunlight
Eating lunch perched on a tree branch
Running barefoot through meadows of fragrant wildflowers
Instead
I am sitting in a classroom
Listening to the sound of the ancient a\c hum
Under the fluorescent lights that cause headache behind my eyes
Watching the people around me go on about their lives
Because their content
I am not

I sleep on white fluffy blankets
And order starbucks without much worry
I wear nike shoes
And expensive jewlery
Yet everytime I look in the mirror I see little me
The one that slept on hardwood floors
And ate canned corn almost everyday
The one who didnt know how to wash her clothes and so instead wore them to school ***** and smelly
The one that stared at expensive jewelry from afar wishing it were mine
And so I feel like an imposter
A liar
At my university
of silver spooned baby's

poems
do not have to rhyme
in fact
the best ones
often do not

I will go to college this fall
I will be the first one to ever do it
and by first I really do mean
first
I'm nervous and excited
to have a dorm
and make friends
fall in and out of love
study
I still haven't found myself
I'm hoping
that by the end of my 4 years
I'll have figured out

Nothing's sadder than scrolling down your friend list
Looking through your contacts
And sitting around your friends
And realizing
These people dont care about you
These people dont love you
Your bond is as artificial
As splenda

The world is ending you know
The life around me tell me so
No aliens
Or monsters
Or raptures from god
No huge asteroid to strike us out
Like pins at a bowling alley
Boom
Just us
Live by the sword
Die by the word
I guess we've been living by the sword far too long

I dream of pricking my thumb upon a star
Of dancing with faeries in forest
Of flying among the birds and clouds
However
only when I tell people I want to live happy and free forever
That I want a truly deep and wonderful love that will last forever
Do they tell me that now
I am truly dreaming

Id rather never loved
Than loved and lost
Not because I hate love
But because ignorance is truly bliss
And you cant suffer from a broken heart
If you never had a heart to begin with

If I were to be completely honest
I dont tell the people in my life about my poetry
I guess it's much easier to take criticism from strangers

all I wanted
was to try on dresses
for prom
but the old man
whose eyes were constantly on my breast
made me pack my things
and leave hours early

all I wanted
was to study for my test
but the senior in my class
couldn't take no for an answer
even after I said it
50 times

all I wanted
was to wear a tank top
in the 90 degrees weather
but my mother handed me a shawl
because to her
i looked like a *****

all I wanted
was to find my favorite candy
grab a soda
and go
I didn't want to feel the hand brush
my ****
as a man squeezed by
in the spacious
empty
aisle

all I wanted
was for you to love me
or at least like me
but after fnding out
I wasn't going to hang out with you
alone
you decided
to talk to serena
instead

all I wanted
was to wear shorts
but I won't
I don't want anyone to think
im asking for it
I don't want the stares
so I put on jeans
and sweat it out

I dont think we poets try to be deep
We don't try to make nothing out of something
We dont try to be dramatic for no reason
We just want to explore the beauty and heartbreak of life
I guess
In a world that forgot its ok to be human
We try to remember

I wish you could truly love me
I dont want to be your play thing forever
I want what I cant have
I want to be your equal
But instead im just your toy
Undeserving of any love except what you decide to give me
Waiting patiently for when you decide to pick me up and play with me again
I don't know what I'll do
When the day you outgrow dolls finally comes

dont you want to be beautiful
unnaturally beautiful
so beautiful
you seem to float
an angel
I wish I was beautiful
the kind where I'm unaware
unaware that everyone has fallen in love with me
but I know
that I am not
because I watched you
as you watched her
and
you
never
even
notices

There's fairy's in my blood
In the way I feel things
Like the sunlight dancing on my skin
Or the smell of morning dew on fresh grass
The way a bee lands on a flower just right
And the stream water passing through my fingers
Like time

There's humans in my brain
As the shadows creep into the darkest corners of my mind at night
As the hopeless state of the world surrounds me
As the thought of becoming a adult with a dead spirit frightens me
The thought that one day I'll give up poetry and art and dancing in the shower and take up something more reasonable
Like stocks and bonds

My fairy spirit cannot survive in this human world
But I cannot hear this world without my spirit
Whatever shall I do

I don't love you
but
I don't have the heart
to tell you that
I never do
so instead I wait
and hope
that every argument
every kiss
every hug
will be the last

I think I'm in love
but there's a problem
shes a girl
and so am i
I would be the last person
you'd expect
but I wish to kiss her lips
I wish to trail my finger along her jaw
and more
so much more
I wish to run my hands through her hair
and to press her body against a locker
I wish for soft whispers
warm hands
i wish

My voice seems
Perpetually
Forever
Lost
Among the chorus
Because no one can hear just one voice
My voice
When everyone is screaming too

it's the last 10 minutes
of my last year
in high school
my heart feels like it's about to explode
I am not the same
the starry-eyed hopeless romantic
14 year old
that explored these halls for the first time
the smell of coffee and perfume
became my home
the teachers and students
my family
I will always wear the color purple with pride
I feel as if I'm on the last page
of a book I really liked
sad, that the memories passed
oh so fast
but excited
to start a new book
with new characters
new settings
and a whole new plot

when I was younger
I would run down
the grassy hill behind the school
I would close my eyes
and pretend
to be someone else
somewhere else
my troubles
would float away
and tangle with the leaves
my fears
would evaporate
in the warm sunlight
so imagine my disappointment
when I opened my eyes
and found myself at the bottom of the hill

my younger self
would be thoroughly disappointed
if she knew
what I've done
she had it all planned out
an exact map
I was supposed to follow
I'm supposed to be different
I was walking the road
she wanted
but life came
and tore the road out the ground
with ****** teeth
and sharp talons
until its shattered pieces lay around me
you can't put a road back together
if you cant remeber where it was
you were going in the first place

so many words
I've written in my journal
so many
typed on this site
so many
spoken to my peers
so many
sung to my cat
so ******* many
screamed at my mirror
and yet
there are so many
left unspoken

as I am sitting in class
ignoring my teacher
pretending to do my work
I notice
80 percent of my class is white
90 percent is male
no wonder
when my teacher asks us
to choose sides
during certain topics
I am often alone
in my opinions

we are liars
we are lovers
we are adventures
we are books
with millions of stories inside
we are fighters
we are criers
we are mistakes
things that weren't
suppose to happen
we are watchers
we are waiters
we are hunters
in a great jungle
we are murders
we are witnesses
we are martyrs
standing up
for what we believe in
we are smart
we are young
we are human
that, we are

my mind is the most important thing to me
the only thing truly mine
they can break your body
silence your mouth
they can change your appearance
and force you to say what they want
but they cannot take your thoughts
what power!
to be able to think whatever you want
no consequences
no worries
all yours
that's why I carefully select what I share
because my thoughts are my treasures
you would just give away your treasure to any old person
would you?

in acting today
my teacher said
the more space you take up
the more confident you seem
the more attention you gain
while other kids broadened their shoulders
stretched out their feet
and put their hands on their hips
I shrank into my self
attention is not wanted by everyone you know!

you're almost as hollow
as the water bottle beside you
so hollow in fact
that when someone whispers something in your ear
it bounces off your insides
and back outside your mouth
your rumors
are never true
rumors aren't supposed to have
a fiction section you know
I know things about you
things no one else does
but I won't tell
because if I did
me and you
wouldn't be any different