I cried in the school bathroom today
it was during 2nd period which I happen to love
I've never done that before
that's another first you've given me
heartbreaker
I've had many first these past few days
first, time getting cheated on
first time feeling my heart ache for someone
who didn't think twice about hurting me
first time I've had to look at your hands
and know that they've been touching someone else
yes I do believe this is my first heartbreak
thank you
heartbreaker

I was listening
to clair de lune
walking to class
there you were under the tree
with the little white petals
that forever seems to be falling to the ground
you were leaning on the tree
and looking around
that moment
that one breathe taking a moment
makes me want you even more
you looked so
radiant
otherworldly
ethereal
*sigh

I want
to wear white flowing dresses
and crowns of flowers
as I float through a beautiful
meadow
I want you to see me
and sigh to yourself
how ethereal
I want
to wear a black leather jacket
and ripped jeans
I want to ride around
on a roaring motorcycle
through the streets
of a busy city
I want
to wear big glasses
and Dutch braids
sitting in a cofee shop
reading a book of poetry
or a classic novel
I want you to glance
at me through the dusty window
and fall in love
I want
to wear messy buns
and bright clothing
and blue overalls
forver stained with
acylic paint
I want my smile
and chirpy voice
to brighten someone's day
but I am
wearing blue flannel
gazing out my classroom window
messy hair
chewed sleeves
writing about the lives
that could only belong
to characters
in a story

I'm tired of
candy
Sweet and ****
Crushed hearts
Chocolate roses
Sweet Tarts
I'm tired of
I love you
Dreams don't come true
You think you're sly
Do all men lie?
I'm tired of
Broken windows
Mine and yours
Matching robes
His and hers
I'm sick of
Honey, sweet pea
It's not you, it's me
Please don't go
Honey is for bees
I'm tired of
Broken dreams
Shattered hearts
Empty beds
Hope went too far

why do
my shorter poems
get more attention
then my long ones
I think
you
are
all
just
a
bit
l a z y
(it's ok though because so am i)

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

I think it's stupid
to say suicide is selfish
I know there are much more fancy words
i could've said
but in reality
its
stupid
to tell a person
who hated themselves
a person
who felt the world would be better
if they were a gone
a person
who looked in the mirror
and decided maybe
things would be better
for everyone
if they were dead
how can you look at
such a broken person
and call them selfish?
how can you tell them
their ultimate sacrifice
is selfish
their way of thinking
their actions
maybe
misguided
untrue
wrong
but never
was their choice to try and take their own life
selfish

I ate eggs and toast for breakfast
no butter
no salt
no jam
no jelly
not because I want to
but because I have to

I worked out for 2 hours straight
crunches
lunges
sit ups
squats
I only had one meal today
so dizzy but I keep going
no, because I want to
but because I have to

I wore a crop top
filled my face with makeup
but in my earring
and curled my hair
time to go out with my friends
I'm tired
my body hurts
but I still go
not because I want to
but because I have to

there are rumors being spread about me
they say
I'm a *****
a liar
a fake
they call me
ugly
stupid
f
a
t
I defend myself
helplessly
not because I want to
but because I have to

I'm sad
I'm angry
no one cares
they hate
me
wasted time
wasted life
**** yourself
they say
I've done what they told me too so far
so why stop now
so I stepped in front of the car
not because I wanted to
but because i had to

I don't write
love poems about
sunshine
rainbows
unicorns
strawberry scented marker
there's too many
of those
I write
what I think nobody wants to hear
I write other peoples
struggles
fears
pain
heartaches
because I'm not really a poet
im more of a
collector

i cant relate
to the people around me
who dont care about anything
unless it's about them
I often find myself
angry over things
that happen halfway across the country
I want to shake my friends
and scream
why don't you care?
don't you care about other people
I want to scream to the adults
how can you let this happen
and not give it a second thought
don't you realize
thoughts and prayers
do nothing
the very people
who are supposed to protect us
do not care enough
to do anything

I'm afraid
Of wolves with big hands
Gleaming teeth
And sweet voices

I'm afraid of cunning foxes
Who pretend to be your friend
But have something dark in mind
For you at the end

I'm afraid of snakes
Who after injecting you with their poison
Carry you off to their lair
And wrap their body around yours

I'm afraid of stray dogs
Who follow you down the street at night
Barking obscene words
And taking nips at bits of your body
When they can

I'm afraid
Of all the wild animals
Free to roam around
At night
As I lock each and every one
Of my deadbolts

you have talons attached to your hands
has anyone ever told you?
you tear the flesh from my dreams
leaving behind nothing but a dead carcass
you have knives for words
Do you know?
every word is a searing slice
your aura is a black hole
cant you tell?
the way it ***** in the light that is my happiness
and diminishes it into nothing within seconds

I was thrown in a raging river as a child
it was dark
it was cold
it was scary
I managed to learn how to float
to calm my breath
and stay afloat
but then a sailor came along
we shall call him life
he tied bricks in rope
and hung them from my neck
a cursed gift
on land, I would've been fine
but I was in a raging river
the bricks are too many now
I can feel myself slowly sinking
unable to swim
unable to float
I hope I can somehow find a way to remove the bricks
because I know if I don't
ill drown

I will never write a love poem
never tell you about
bright summer days
or warm cups of cocoa
there are millions of those
you could find them
if you really wanted to
I want my poetry to make you uncomfortable
I want it to make you think
we have an incredible ability
to look away
from what we don't want to see
but if you read my poetry
I will make you look
I will force your eyes open
and make you stare
at the ugly thing
maybe after your forced
to acknowledge it
you'll actually do something about it

there are two ways
your story can end
you can live
happily ever after
or the conclusion
can simply say
the end
one is not as favorable as the other

I fear i do not see the point of going on.
The once cheerful meadow i had named my outlook on life.
With blue clear skies and golden beams of sunlight.
Have become nothing more than a graveyard of hopes.
With the ghost of my dreams rotting in their caskets.
I do not feel that i belong in this time and in this place.
In fact i feel i don't belong at all.
Anywhere.
I long for things well outside my grasp.
I mourn my happiness every night.
How i wish to fly.
I would fly away from this horrid place.
I would find a place where I'd belong.
If only.

I am trapped.
Inside a body that is 2 sizes too small for my soul.
It constricts me in such a way that breathing is nearly impossible.
I wish my skin could tear.
I wish it were made of something as delicate as rose petals.
For when i look in the mirror.
I find the person staring back at me a complete stranger.
I believe god has made a mistake.
I believe he bottles my soul up in the wrong vessel.
Because this body.
Although i admire its pretty face and nice shape.
Does indeed.
Belong to someone else entirely.

at the age of 10, I was a 25-year-old woman
life is funny in that way
sometimes you have to grow up fast
sometimes a lifetime of experience and stress
is crammed down your throat
before you even learn geometry
I used to look at the other kids
as they traded their pokemon cards
and showed off their silly bands
and I wondered
how is it fair
that they get to drift through childhood
like a dream
when my own
was so violently
ripped away from me