tell me something dear friend,
awaken me,
my mind with new thinking.
instill within me positive thoughts,
I longed to think about,
but my negative self prevents my mind from being filled with such positiveness.

Unfold me...
I beg you to unfold these layers that lay within me,
removing every layer one by one,
to find a surprise,
meaning,
just so you have no reason to leave me.
This is sadly the fear you've instilled in me,
the need,
using my insecurities to make you feel guilty,
just so you can stay one night,
one more morning,
to unfold me one more time,
and find something new in me for you to love me,
to need me more than you need someone else.

one day as I was making my way to work,
I saw a little boy,
his eyes so blue,
yet you could see the sadness in them.
it made me want to cry.
and then he pulled out his mahogany guitar,
and played a melody so beautifully well.
he sang a song of how he once fell in love,
with a beautiful girl who died right before his eyes.

Charm is deceptive and beauty fades,
but a woman who honors the Lord,
should be praised.

they say "pain demands to be felt"
how can they say such words when they've experienced the pain I've felt?
I guess their right,
no matter how hard you try to push away the emotions,
the pain you feel inside of  you always haunt you somehow,
it slowly sinks in,
biting away at your heart,
racing to your mind,
making you feel worse than you expected to feel before.

Dear Mr President of South Africa,
with all due respect,
I write before you in poetry,
I write on behalf of my citizens and others,
to ask you questions I feel are answered.

The streets are filled with potholes,
inflation continuously grows,
there's crime, abuse unsolved,
and buildings, homes waiting to be built until then families,
children,
mothers,
brothers,
live outside alone in the cold.
Let me not get started on the secrecy of our politicians, departments of our country,
so much for a democracy,
you might as well label it hyprocrisy,
because of the repetition of  the corruption in our so called democratic country.
and then you expect us to keep on cheering you on like we are happy citizens in our society.
I know you are probably thinking why is this kid worried about this country?
I'm a citizen just like you,
I'm human,
I also have rights, just like yourself,
but,
I care for my country in ways you probably wound never understand.
you see,
I was born from the roots of Africa,
from my African mother and father,
they fought in apartheid,
they are both bread winners,
yet ignore the lies fed to them in our country,
they choose to live their lives in obliviousness that someday our country will be better with time,
that maybe someday you Mr president will change your mind,
about the way our country should be run.

now the question left to ask sir,
is why do you support the way things should be in  the country?
Questions are left unanswered from your people that need the help most,
the poor,
the hungry,
the ones whose homes were promised to them when it was time to vote,
why do you carry on fooling us that everything will be okay if we just vote.
VOTE?!
Voting itself has lost its purpose,
it doesn't even live up to its promise,
you don't even live up to yours.
there is still so much to be done in our third world country,
it isn't to late to start now,
to prevent history from repeating itself.

mama whispered into my ear "you can tell me anything".
how can I tell you everything when every word spoken,
is seen in obliviousness to whats in front of you,
like how papa creeps up into the room when your lost in a world of dreams,
the way his inquisitive hands find its way to areas you would not believe.
I hate the way you **** up to him,
when we both know whose the victim,
and yet you tell me,
ask me,
patronize me into speaking in the presence of him.

you drive me to hurting myself,
I become insane when your no longer there.
The insanity, creeps up on the walls of my house,
bedroom,
like a nightmare it fills up my bed,
foils itself around me,
mind,
filled with thoughts that you might be with someone else.

your words are swords,
stabbing in the same place,
repeating every stab the same way,
stabbing,
deeper,
deeper,
and deeper into my heart,
my mind,
my soul.
I'm wounded,
you feel like a soldier,
you smile in victory of winning,
its always my word against yours,
I'm seeping into dirt,
soil,
a quicksand of more hurt,
in your words.

I wish I could sing you my heart with a thousand even millions choir of angels singing by my side as I accompany them with the melodic songs of my heart as each rhythm,
note and song sung sings of every emotion I feel about you in my heart, and how lucky I am to have you in my life.
What sweet melodies of love are these that come from my heart?
Its the joy and pride to say that my heart has truly being stolen by someone special in my life.
Oh how lucky I am to have fallen in love with you.

Day by day,
Night by night
Kiss by kiss
Touch by touch
Step by step
I fall inlove
A love so incomprehensible
So vivid
So unique
So wild,not even the reign of God can control it.
A passion so deep
A want so strong, the universe would not handle
I love you today
I'll love you tomorrow

I wrote this poem with a fast beating heart,
trembling hands and racing thoughts of how you make me feel.
The feeling could be modified as indescribable, tangible, a beautiful work of art created only by the best artist you my love<3
How did you do it?
What is thy artist secret?
Was it mayb thy lips painted upon mine?
Thy intense proximity against me?
Thy artist work of art with thy gentle yet inquistive hands?
What magical touch is this that I've never ever felt before in my entire life?
Because whatever this is one can surely agree with me it can only be the work of love,
if I do stand incorrect may cupid take away my beating heart for you, my longing to be with you, kiss you,
play,
lay with you in bed,
have your weight upon mine as our bodies dance to the music of love or even take away my promise to love and care for you always.
If I'm wrong may cupid do so, unless of course thy artist agrees with I? Cupid shall have no reason to eradicate such.

his kiss gives me hope that he still wants to be with me.
it leaves me breathlessly wanting more of him to fill that desire,
need for him all over again.

What love is this,
That quenchs my thirst,
Brings me to my knees,
Crying in joy?
This love can not be compared,
To moon, stars,
Universe above.
For this kind of love never fails,
It is so great,
Kind,
Not proud.
For it is love that deserves to be felt by everybody else.

She is the definition of beauty,
For the first time I laid eyes on her,
I did not only melt in the sight of her beauty,
But,
The way she made me feel,
When her lips touched mine,
The way her delicate soft, gentle hands made trails around my
lips,
Body,
Touching every layer of matter,
Within me.
Oh!
The desires she filled in me,
They made me feel so weak,
Yet submissive,
And willing to feel.

it's amazing how many human beings,
never take a moment to watch the sun rising,
clouds dispersing,
birds singing sweet melodies,
awakening many other creatures.
we fail to take such moments to thought
or heart,
and to thank our creator for placing it there for our sight,
our wonder.

I love to keep you hidden away from the world,
all to myself where no one
else can steal you away from me.
call me MISS dominating,  bossy, controlling,
but I can't help feeling the way I feel,
when your no longer in my sight.
my mind goes crazy,
can you blame me for being in love?
with a man whose heart I've placed in my trust?
as simple as these words are "I love you" to you,
they truly mean a lot to me,
that's why I could never leave you,
nor leave your side.

I remember a day,
it was a very rainy day,
mama told us we couldn't come out to play,
but with stubbornness in us, we hid away from her,
put our wellington boots on,
and quietly,
tiptoed outside the house,
to run away,
at that time we were brave,
so young and childish,
yet so gay,
we accepted all sorts of dares,
and created our own little silly games.
I won't forget that rainy day,
when you whispered into my ear,
I was the best est sister ever,
those words brought tears to my eyes,
that's the day I plucked a daisy and placed it in your hair,
and told you that no matter ,
how many days were filled with rainy sad weather,
you always brightened up my day,
you were the reason why the rain didn't bother me then,
when in actual fact it does now that your no longer there.

your words have become like oil stains,
staining my soul,
like blades, stabbing inflicting pain,
these lines on my forehead,
have left me growing cold,
old.

standing on top of a mountain,
my eyes like eagles travel before me,
sight to earth,
sight to skies,
I close my eyes pretending to be a bird I spread my wings,
I want to fly,
experience what birds feel,
no fear inside of them,
the luck given to them to travel,
to migrate
anywhere,
but,
then again here I am,
back to where I'm standing,
on this simple mountain,
the view looks the same,
I guess this is the reality of wanting to run away,
yet knowing and acknowledging that
there's nowhere to run to.

fear came like an eagle,
swarming around me like honey bees.
I was sinking in,
drowning,
heart pounding,
I could feel myself dying,
the deeper I seeped in fear,
the more I lost my voice,
for a day didn't go by where I broke into tears.
until one day I heard a calling so near,
drawing my ears so near,
the closer I got to it,
the more the feeling of fear begin to disappear inside of me,
it was such a beautiful voice,
like sweet honey,
its melodies captured me,
my heart,
soul and mind,
once I heard it loud and clear,
I no longer needed to fear,
he was always right here,
so near,
awaiting for me to hear him,
to allowing myself to be surrounded by his love for me,
I did,
I finally took the step,
to allow him into my life,
here I am living a life with him in my life,
thank you God,
majesty,
creator of all living things,
you love is beyond words can compare,
thank you for always being here.

I don't blame you if you leave me,
you see,
we live in two different worlds with different thinking,
your in it for the love,
I'm in it for the experience and to **** time,
when deep down this is always what I've been looking for,
the kind of man who wouldn't walk out the door,
but stay and try to figure out whats wrong.
you often forgive me for being so difficult,
when I know I'm doing it on purpose just to give you a reason,
to leave me,
yet your not running,
I don't see you running,
I don't understand how you can love me,
when all I'm trying to do is to make you hate me,
just like I hate me.

his a lover at night,
but,
a stranger during the day.
his heart in the quietness of nights  is only expressed through alcohol,
where at day he becomes cold and hard as stones...
stones...
that's what our relationship has become,
a once strong formidable rock of love,
now pieces of rock,
stones on oblivious ground.

I love how we whisper at night when we're drunk,
it makes us confident to say how we feel inside.

I'm just like any other butterfly,
with the same wing span,
same outlines,
I live like all the other butterflies do,
yet wish I was like you,
I wouldn't be so blue,
but happy just like you.
you see your no different to me,
despite the fact that your extraordinary,
your smile,
the way you make other butterflies laugh,
its so compelling,
yet so depressing on my part,
to want and need to be like you Mr extraordinary butterfly.

I stood outside the white doors of the hospital.
the invitation still open.
was I really going ahead with this?
killing a life that was about to miss out,
on a future he or she could have had the chance to live out,
experienced,
feel,
in the name of love.
I could feel the tears streaming down,
I could feel myself drowning in a well,
of fears.
the fear of missing out on the beautiful sight of seeing his first crawl,
or the first time she spoke.
was I really doing this?
Giving up on what I will miss the most?
He held my hand and wiped my tears,
he kissed my forehead and whispered quietly in my ears,
"I'm here,
I'm not going anywhere."
I had to this,
there was no other way,
yet he still wanted to stay.
this was it,
we went in,
ready to let go...
the nurse said,
"its time".

yeah you tell me you love me,
when I know I'm the not the only one your telling those words too,
you say I'm crazy,
when I know your words are always half-truths.
now your smiling,
forget it ,
your smile has lost its affect on me.
you look pathetic,
tryna patronize me,
you forgetting I'm not a kid,
but a woman who fell in love with a kid.
your childishly screaming at me,
childishly saying,
"I don't know anything about what your saying".
I'm saying you need to grow up,
I need a real man in my life,
face reality,
this me me facing the door,
exiting,
forgetting,
the day I took a step in our "home".

can we pretend like everything is like yesterday,
pretend the smiles on are faces are the same,
as they were the other day,
the day you met me and I met you,
back then the love was truly real,
who ever said dreams come true,
is the biggest liar I've ever met because if they were,
I wouldn't be here stuck with you,
missing you,
even though your right here next to me,
but living my dream oh happy endings,
with my prince charming.

blue skies,
smiling sun shining on two lovers,
as they kissed in delight,
and sight of each other,
he was hers and she his,
no one was going to take him away from  her,
and her from him.
she loved to stare at her diamond ring,
so small yet perfect,
imperfect like him she thought.
she loved him,
she really did
and thanked cupid for the lover he had sent,
to her.
how did such a reality become a dream?
although it felt like a dream,
the fact that the pain cut deep into a place,
she'd thought would never face,
was the reality she was facing.
Love is two faced,
one minute its there in your face,
loving you with both hands,
treating you like you the most important person in the world,
next minute it back stabs you,
you never thought it could hurt,
so much.

quietly you lie next to me,
without realizing the tears flowing,
obliviously,
down my cheeks,
while I'm angrily trying,
to force them back in.
its not like you'll notice them anyways,
but,
i hate to give you the satisfaction,
of you being the reason
that they are there.

I hate the way you make it hard for me to leave you.
you make me feel the way I've always wanted to feel,
needed to feel,
deserved to feel.
the thing is its kinda crazy,
that it leaves me not knowing what to do,
with this love that you implemented in my empty heart,
like a drug I've become so compelled to this addiction,
yet stuck,
because even though I know the exit door is around the corner,
I know the fear lingers in the air,
fear I won't ever find someone like you out there
I'm scared to leave you lover,
and I'm not gonna pretend,
even though I hate to say it,
for the first time I've realized that your not going anywhere,
your the first guy whose tears I've shed,
out of joy, love and happiness in years,

i remember a time,
when i was young,
about the age of twelve,
i came to a realisation with myself.
i was entering a stage of puberty then,
trying to figure out what was happening to me,
made things difficult you see,
especially,
when you have no one to talk to about these things,
not even your family.
what made me come to the realisation that i was ugly,
was the emphasis of that word placed in my life,
as i was growing up,
by my mom and dad.
it made me feel weak like a mouse,
when they always reminded me of how i won't grow to be beautiful,
or the star i someday wished to be.
and so i faced reality,
i allowed that word to sink deep inside of me,
seeping into my heart,
mind,
it made my life a misery,
i hated the reflection i saw on the mirror,
because i couldn't stand the fear,
the mirror inflicted on me.
i grew up believing that i would never be pretty,
or somebodys,
somebody.
until i met you,
my friend,
my brother,
lover to the end.
you gave me courage to believe in myself,
that i was a beautiful creation of God,
and that God placed me on earth for a purpose in life.
through you and God i found a greater love like no other,
and those words of pain no longer mattered to me anymore,
God loves me just the way i am.

we see it,
experience it,
in their oblivion,
we feel the pain,
they call a phase.
they don't want to listen,
we are just children.
someday the rain will make a way,
for the sun to come out.
all the fear will disappear,
all the cracks in our broken hearts,
will be feared with a tender touch of love,
from someone to call a mom or dad.

I wish you could hold me tightly,
and constantly tell me you love me,
so I don't have to feel this insecure and uneasy,
about deserving you in my life.
you see,
its hard for me to believe in love,
to breath in what I've never ever received in my life before.
you make it harder for me,
when you don't remind me that your still here,
and that we're still okay,
its even harder now that we've become so consumed in our own day to day lifestyle,
that I've lost track of time,
of when last we shared a kiss goodbye,
or made passionate love,
how can I put my heart in a place that lacks the time to pick it up,
and sing to it melodies of love,
to give it the reassurance that everything is gonna be alright,
and by the blink of my eyes,
you won't make a disappearance act before I've said goodbye.

"just look up"
mama would say.
she always smiled when she looked up,
as if she were high on drugs,
in this case she was high on God.
she loved to look up,
when the times were tough,
she'd look up and cry,
quietly whispering words of prayer to herself.
looking up gave her hope,
it made me wonder how God,
could answer so many prayers at once,
did he ever stop to take a break and forget about us?
or stop looking down.

I can see the blank wall between our hearts,
the wall that was once filled with writings of our love,
reflections of our hearts,
the stories that made us reminisce and laugh about,
the memories,
hours spent,
the love,
the intense ***,
all of these have become a blank wall,
living our lives in separate worlds,
the world that we once fought together on our own,
has simply become a blank wall.
to afraid to face the truth of our dispersing hearts,
we continue to walk,
our own paths,
the blank wall between our hearts still continues to grow
an indication,
of our discontinuation,
to face the blank wall.

today,
I dug up a box in our backyard.
it was decorated with pictures of us,
when we were young.
you had longer hair then.
you were smiling.
that was the most beautiful smile,
I had ever seen to exist.
so  beautiful even God above,
always left the night skies open,
filled with trillion million bright stars,
just so he could catch a  glimpse,
of that beautiful smile.
Why am I crying now?
I know you always hated seeing me this way,
all teary inside out,
but then you would sit beside me,
and put your arm around me,
and cry with me,
until we'd end up laughing for no good reason,
we'd reminisce on lots of memories...
The memories and this box is all I have left of you now,
the box filled with our goals of how we'd get married,
rule the world.
and the promises of never leaving each others side,
sisters till the end we'd say.

if only,
I could let the words fly out like butterflies,
flying freely in the sky,
I lack the freedom to express myself inside,
I lack the trust and understanding in you,
the understanding that your with me not because I care for you,
but because you love me for me.
you always tell  me you,
you love me for the truth I always speak,
you love me because I'm the other half that keeps life worth living,
the other half that makes you happy,
that makes a part of you feel joy and peace,
that makes you feel like he can be who he wants to be when I'm around him.
if only I could see what you see,
if only I could feel free,
I'm scared you see,
like a baby,
I don't know what step to take first,
I'm scared I won't make you happy enough,
I don't know how to believe in myself,
I don't know where to start,
you say it takes time,
to get over the scars that once used to control your life,
the battle of trying to survive the abuse that caused you pain inside,
you say you're here for me,
I'm scared to see what you see in me,
I'm scared you'll leave,
like the rest did,
if only I could see what you see,
just maybe,
maybe it will change my perception of things,
if only.

We lost the time,
the hours,
minutes,
seconds,
that were once ours
those moments of time can never be traced,
they can never be replayed
were they ever there?
time doesn't care,
and we proved that right,
by showing the same,
we lacked the strength,
to allow our hearts to show its nakedness,
our love,
the feeling that once shone out like light day in and day out.
so we left,
we walked away locking away our hearts in chains,
to never open up again,
we walked away with bare hands,
bare hearts,
bare minds,
bare, hours, secs spent in vain.
we lost time for each other.

they welcomed me with words such as "home sweet home".
they said it was a place I would feel safe and warm,
a place like no other,
a place I can be myself,
a place called home,
a place I can finally be with a loving family of my own.
yet,
behind their masks laid a bunch of wicked lies.
and like a blind mouse,
I followed their wicked paths,
I was pretty young then,
living in a wicked lions den,
in fear and pain,
crying everyday,
my hair started turning grey,
it was the reflection of the emptiness,
that planted itself like a seed inside of me,
my tiny little heart,
became wicked like my foster family,
I grew up without the willingness to love,
to breath freely,
I grew old,
because of my "family"
because they made me believe in the non-existing
home sweet home.

I remember,
water dripping,
slowly,
trickling,
down two lovers hair,
face,
eyes,
lips entwined,
hands grabbing,
in desire for what they so desirably longed for the whole day,
yet had to suppress their need,
they had to hide it quietly inside their explosive beating hearts for each other.
I remember it all,
it was once a memory that always made me feel nervous inside,
creating butterflies in my tum,
tubes tied,
and now I'd like to think it has become a,
meaningless,
emotionless feeling inside...
why am I lying to myself,
that memory still compels me to watch it in my mind,
replay a time where I onced felt how it felt to be loved,
cry,
and cry,
and cry,
because of the broken glass thats left a crack in  my heart,
a crack that can never be healed by anyone else,
all thats left is that one memory of the shower before he quickly,
vainly,
disappeared from his lover.

I've become blind.
you have made me blind,
not just by sight,
but by body,
soul and mind,
all three in one,
entwined,
in you,
I've fallen in love,
you give me courage to love,
freely,
willingly,
beautifully,
pleasurably,
Godly.
lost in you,
I've learnt to find a place I can be
who I want to be,
lost in you,
I've find a better me,
the happier me,
a woman whose worthy,
to be loved.

crystal ****,
popping drinks,
thats the way we live,
more like our way of having fun,
the stereotype of being young.
you can call us the new generation.
out in the streets and houses at midnight,
where beds are supposed to be filled with young teenage kids,
lost in a world of "childish" dreams.
their beds are as empty as a crystal clear glass.
replaced with the pleasure seeking party life,
dancing away their lives till morning,
tryna fight the inevitable tiredness of their bodies.
this is us,
the new generation,
the stereotype,
of who we are
and what we have become.

his smile,
is unpredictable
it is where mystery lies.
like clouds making a path way for sunlight,
to shine,
his smile brightness my day,
it makes the little tiny problems seem okay.

its been 3 months of silence between us.
anything can happen in those inevitable months.
3 months to doubt,
3 months to forget if this was ever about love,
3 months for another,
to fill the missing pieces of our hearts,
3 months of silence?
the epiphany of those 3 months scare the hell out of me,
because everything feels like it has changed.
what happened the endless calls?
the constant texting?
the need for each other?
the fire between us is slowly turning into a dispersal of smoke into air.
it hurts to know that we both don't know how things became this way,
3 months,
tell  me love,
are we still okay?

I closed my eyes,
and touched my soft lips.
tracing its shape,
I had a flash back,
to a time when he kissed me.
his kiss wasn't a benevolent,
loving kiss,
not something I would love to think about,
or reminisce,
but the flash back struck a part so deeplu hurting,
I tried to fight off the thoughts of him kissing me.
His kiss hurt me.
it was done out of desire and selfishness.
it didn't mean anything to him,
but to me it did.
like a nightmare,
that kiss still haunts me.
and to this day,
I fear to kiss anyone in fear of being *****.

I see them laughing at me,
the kids at school.
they ask a lot of weird questions,
like why do I look the way I look,
or walk the way I walk.
Sometimes I go home and enter a dark lonely place,
I create friends in my head.
they don't laugh at me,
or question every movement made,
or breath breathed.
I'm human,
just like all other beings,
I wish they would stop being so nasty,
and look beyond my disability.

I cheated on you today,
with an old friend of mine,
I guess you could blame it on the alchohol,
or the fact that I was lacking the need of love,
physical touch,
you once filled in and out of me.
I enjoyed it you see,
it filled me with so much hate and jealousy,
that my own friend could please me,
in a way you never could do,
I hated you then,
at that moment when he kissed me,
our kiss reminded me of our first kiss,
the one at the rugby field,
you've probably forgotten that day,
but it really meant something to me,
it gave me hope that we would never end up like this,
you ignoring me,
refusing to look at me when we were in deep intimacy with each other,
love making,
so thats why I guess I cheated love,
my vindictive way of showing you,
that your not the only **** around,
nor the only man who longs to be with a woman like myself.

in the quietness of nights,
where peacefulness and tranquility lies,
I see a little girl,
next to her
her cousin laid,
it was alright then to share a bed with a boy.
but,
no,
he was a man in the form of a boy,
with adult thoughts,
adult hands,
for boy of 16,
he could do so much with his adult thinking..
what did I know for I was only a kid.
as my mind was slowly seeping into a world of childish dreams,
something from behind,
awakened me,
pulse raising,
heart palpitating,
he was choking me,
he was telling me I deserved this,
for misbehaving early,
when I refused to let him touch me,
even though he would still touch me aways.
his breathing was growing heavy now..
I could feel him forcing himself inside,
he was ******,
and I was screaming,
but no one could hear me,
why did no one hear my screams?
why could they not see what he was doing to me
why?
why do these nightmares still haunt me?
I fear to go back to sleep,
these nightmares;
they make me feel so weak,
for every dream takes me to the little girl,
the one  I used to be.

I saw my ex today.
we're friends now you see,
but the attraction still lingers between us
like a magnetic field,
Even though we've both moved on.
Sometimes I regret leaving him,
because when I was with him,
like a bird soaring the sky,
I felt free.
maybe it's because deep down inside,
I want to go back to him,
but for the first time in his life,
I feel happy to see him with someone else.
His finally decided to settle down.