they welcomed me with words such as "home sweet home".
they said it was a place I would feel safe and warm,
a place like no other,
a place I can be myself,
a place called home,
a place I can finally be with a loving family of my own.
yet,
behind their masks laid a bunch of wicked lies.
and like a blind mouse,
I followed their wicked paths,
I was pretty young then,
living in a wicked lions den,
in fear and pain,
crying everyday,
my hair started turning grey,
it was the reflection of the emptiness,
that planted itself like a seed inside of me,
my tiny little heart,
became wicked like my foster family,
I grew up without the willingness to love,
to breath freely,
I grew old,
because of my "family"
because they made me believe in the non-existing
home sweet home.

I remember,
water dripping,
slowly,
trickling,
down two lovers hair,
face,
eyes,
lips entwined,
hands grabbing,
in desire for what they so desirably longed for the whole day,
yet had to suppress their need,
they had to hide it quietly inside their explosive beating hearts for each other.
I remember it all,
it was once a memory that always made me feel nervous inside,
creating butterflies in my tum,
tubes tied,
and now I'd like to think it has become a,
meaningless,
emotionless feeling inside...
why am I lying to myself,
that memory still compels me to watch it in my mind,
replay a time where I onced felt how it felt to be loved,
cry,
and cry,
and cry,
because of the broken glass thats left a crack in  my heart,
a crack that can never be healed by anyone else,
all thats left is that one memory of the shower before he quickly,
vainly,
disappeared from his lover.

I've become blind.
you have made me blind,
not just by sight,
but by body,
soul and mind,
all three in one,
entwined,
in you,
I've fallen in love,
you give me courage to love,
freely,
willingly,
beautifully,
pleasurably,
Godly.
lost in you,
I've learnt to find a place I can be
who I want to be,
lost in you,
I've find a better me,
the happier me,
a woman whose worthy,
to be loved.

crystal ****,
popping drinks,
thats the way we live,
more like our way of having fun,
the stereotype of being young.
you can call us the new generation.
out in the streets and houses at midnight,
where beds are supposed to be filled with young teenage kids,
lost in a world of "childish" dreams.
their beds are as empty as a crystal clear glass.
replaced with the pleasure seeking party life,
dancing away their lives till morning,
tryna fight the inevitable tiredness of their bodies.
this is us,
the new generation,
the stereotype,
of who we are
and what we have become.

his smile,
is unpredictable
it is where mystery lies.
like clouds making a path way for sunlight,
to shine,
his smile brightness my day,
it makes the little tiny problems seem okay.

its been 3 months of silence between us.
anything can happen in those inevitable months.
3 months to doubt,
3 months to forget if this was ever about love,
3 months for another,
to fill the missing pieces of our hearts,
3 months of silence?
the epiphany of those 3 months scare the hell out of me,
because everything feels like it has changed.
what happened the endless calls?
the constant texting?
the need for each other?
the fire between us is slowly turning into a dispersal of smoke into air.
it hurts to know that we both don't know how things became this way,
3 months,
tell  me love,
are we still okay?

I closed my eyes,
and touched my soft lips.
tracing its shape,
I had a flash back,
to a time when he kissed me.
his kiss wasn't a benevolent,
loving kiss,
not something I would love to think about,
or reminisce,
but the flash back struck a part so deeplu hurting,
I tried to fight off the thoughts of him kissing me.
His kiss hurt me.
it was done out of desire and selfishness.
it didn't mean anything to him,
but to me it did.
like a nightmare,
that kiss still haunts me.
and to this day,
I fear to kiss anyone in fear of being *****.