As i walked out the therapist office
I have even more guilt on my face than i did when i walked in,
She told me i had depression.
She told me i had anxiety.
She handed me a prescription.
She told me,
These will make you happy.
On my drive home that repeated in my head.
"These will make you happy"
No. They wont.
Nothing can stop what i go through.
Nothing.
I went home just to sleep all day again.
I try to keep myself awake but i just can't.
I feel like i can sleep forever.
I slowly fall asleep.
I wake-up to my mother telling me to take my meds.
The words "these will make you happy"
Once again runs through my head.
I get a glass of water to take my meds,
Just to go back to bed.
The next morning i wake up
My mother screams, "Take your meds!"
I get a glass of water to take my meds,
Then i get dressed for school for a day to start again.
Everyday the words
"These will make you happy"
Is always running through my head.

Having or relating to two poles or extremities

Characterized by both manic and depressive episodes, or manic ones only.

As i start to like you,
More and more.
Maybe  one well be happy.
Maybe i can show you what true  love is,
I want to be there for your  hardest times.
I want to be there for everything.
I dont want to see you fail.
I dont want to see you hurt.
I just want you to live happily.
I do want to see you success.
I do want to see you try your hardest.
I dont  want to see you cut, cry, or die.
I dont think i make sence. But this all true,
Just for you...

"Angels can't fly"
She whispered.
And jumped.

Imagine yourself
Alone in your head
You're hanging, dangling
From a silver thread

Empty, alone
With the monsters within
Internally screaming
You just want to give in

Now imagine that's you
Every day, every hour
Forever sinking
Like a wilting flower

You try to tell your dad
And you try to tell your mom
But they say you're being silly
You've just got to move on

Because teens don't know sorrow
Nor the hardships of life
They're just kids with imaginations
Just looking for attention, right?

You think that there's none
Who know how you feel
You're just so alone
But the feelings- they're real

Useless
Neglected
Forgotten
Distressed

Alone
Afraid
But mostly
Depressed

And you're friends
They go on
Like nothing has changed

"They must not care"
Your thoughts whisper
The lies in your brain

You can't escape it
Trapped in your own skin
You're ugly
You're hated
But you mask it with a grin

You hate what you feel
So instead you feel nothing
Your insides are numb
Your confidence crumbling

You look to other things
To stop the pain
Cutting, pills
But it gives you no gain

And the people around you
Shout abuse your way
"You're hurting yourself, stop it!"
That's all they ever say

No matter how you plead
That you're broken inside
They turn the other way
They run, they hide

They say you're just foolish
It's all in your head
What they don't know, is inside
You're already dead...

Eyes you can see through
And notice her pain,
Pain that could ****.
But shes making through it,
What you cant see through through her eyes
Is shes holding on by a tiny thread.
She tries to end  this pain but.
More scars appear,
She thinks she cant do it.
So she slits her wrist,
She wakes up in  the hospital and says
"I can't do  this"
She needs love.
2 days later they send her to the mental  hospital.
2 weeks later they send her home.
Shes still on that tiny thread but barely holding on.
She wants to take a walk.
Her mom says "no"
She gets upset and tells her she hates her.
She sneaks out of the house and goes to a bridge
She jumps off.
She wakes up still alive.
She screams
"I CAN'T DO THIS"
She needs love.
Shes bullied
Shes abused
Shes emotionally abused
She cuts
She hates herself.
She thinks no one likes her.
But.
She needs love,
She needs love,
She needs love.

Here on my arm lies a mark that I made.
When I was so low I cut with a blade
To punish my body for being a mess,
Though here is my testament, I must confess...

That seeing these scars left on my arms, legs and chest
Makes me realize I was in a place of no rest;
I feel guilty inside for leaving this token.
Now I will see and remember that I was so broken.

But seeing these scars helps me see
That I survived so much trauma and now I am free;
So I ask of you now to stand with me and fight,
To show all these demons what they're doing's not right,

You won the battle of good versus bad.
You are still alive and are no longer sad;
Here on my arm lies a mark of survival,
I got through my hate and beat my self-rival.

I hate how we've
D r i f t e d   A p a r t.
But then again,
If you wont make an effort
To keep me in your life.
Why should i?

A tear drops down her face
One bye one.
As she thinks about "Her"
While holding that gun.
Images cross her mind,
As she pictures good times.
She cant take it anymore.
So she shoots until she is on the
Floor.
Before she died she wrote a note.
She wanted to say...
I love you all,
But she also said how this is it,
I dont want to live.
I cant bare seeing her with someone else.
I want her but she cant tell.
She ends her note with,
"I love you"
Than leaves everyone without a clue.
She doesnt even know what,
She has done.
She just carries on,
Not knowing she is gone.

I dont know how to tell you im broken,
Without feeling needy.

I dont know how to open up,
Without feeling judged.

I dont know how to cry,
When my scars feel like acid.

I just need you to see im hurting,
Without me telling you
Because my words are bleeding out
Of my mouth, waiting for you
To stitch me up and make me fine
Although i know thats not your job.
And your better off without me.

I just need you to see me
One last time.

Life is filled with pain,
anger and sorrow.
I need a knife to borrow.
Let it flow against my skin easily,
as it goes deeper and deeper.

Soon I'll be with the reaper.
Tears fall fastly,
Thinking I'm worthless to be here.
All of my frights becomes my fears.

The words flowing through my head so fast,
you ***** **** *****.
Tearing my heart apart and throwing it on the floor.
So I cut deeper and deeper hitting the vain.

Again and again in the same spots,
leaving blood clots.
Don't judge about what I do,
judge me for who I am today.

Even if I'm not okay.
My hands, arms and legs filled with scars.
Each and every one I deserve on me,
because people tell me this all day constantly.

I hate when I believe that every word they say is true,
it hurts.
Wait until it happens to you.
Words hurt
Think before you speak

God Took 7 Angels In 2011-2013
He Took Clarence, and Betty Holley,
Tracey O'Donnell,
Angel Cooper,
Edward Johnson,
Wayne Houseweart S.R
Nellie Wilcox.
He Took These Angels To
A Machine Where They Will Live
Peacefully.
These People Were All Loved Dearly, And Will Be Missed.
Rest In Peace Little Angels.

I don't know why I bother to try;
even though I know, you'll never be satisfied.
I'm not what you want, &: I'm not what you need.
but you're twisting &: turning my reality.
I'm lost in the shuffle,
buried with my troubles.
you're killing my emotions, &: losing my trust.
&: you look at me with a sense of disgust.
this is my world, &: you are my fear.
I think things would be better, without you near.
I'm losing myself &: cowarding down to you.
you're words they are permanent to me, just like a tattoo.
you're always right behind me, pushing me way to far.
cut me open, see the pattern of my scars.
all these people that think they're so tough.
try-- being reminded that you're never good enough.
you're killing me slowly, &: I'm almost dead.
I imagine you smile as you drift off to bed.
this isn't right, this isn't fair.
it's nothing, I don't expect you to care.
I'll paint this world, with my list of regrets.
I'll burn this city with my ashes &: I'll forget
that you weren't there.
&: maybe I'll be saved from this horrid despair.
I know whose right &: I know whose wrong.
but you'll figure it out, once I'm finally gone...

You step outside,
You risk your life.
You take a drink of water,
You risk your life.
And nowadays you breathe,
And you risk your life.
Every moment now,
You don't have a choice.
The only thing you can chose,
Is what your risking it for.

I'm great, fine, spectacular. In a way
I relish every night, and I live every day.
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing,
I wonder what the new days will bring.

Then I get home, and I take off the mask.
The day, and almost impossible task,
Is finally over, and so I lie Down,
and wait patiently for the day that I die.

I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep,
even though I have promises to keep.
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more,
And I ache and burn from my very core.

Then, I'm not alone, and the mask reappears:
Out goes the grief, pain and all of the tears,
As I am a happy person, cheerful all the day.
A world full of rainbow, not one shade of grey.

Of course I'm not okay, I'm not fine,
No matter how much I seem to shine.
I don't even know why I feel this...
Why my existence is one long, endless abyss.

But it is, and will be, so I cling to life,
As one day I might slip, and end it with a knife.
But, I'm still here, no matter what my dreams might say
And I hope that one day I will actually be okay.

Where did forever go?
You said you would be there.
Through ice and snow.
The pain.
You would never know...
Your still lauging.
As im here collapsing.
You dont care.
Hah
You never had.
You never will!
Never will you truly be mine...

Just because
My eyes don't tear,
Doesn't mean
My heart doesn't cry.

And just because
I come off strong,
Doesn't mean
Theres nothing wrong.

I wish i wouldve saved
Every tear i cried for you.
So i could drown you
In them.

Is this how its gonna be?
I might have to live my life with something my Grandfather had.?
The Grandfather that i only met once.?
Is this how its gonna be?
Living my life with diabetes?

I wanna be the Girl
She Gives her hoodie
to wear && Cuddles up
Next to when it's Cold,
She'll be the one who
Comes up Behind me,
Wraps her arms around
my waist,  Catches me off
Guard && Whispers, "Your  *Beautiful

And it only
Took a few
Of that mothers
Words to
Put her back
Into her dark
Estate.
That mothers
Daughter
Found her relief
In a blade..
Once again.

A kiss is just a kiss until you
Find the one you love,
A  hug is just a hug until
You find the one you're
Always thinking of,
A dream is just a  dream,
Until it comes true,
Love was just a word until
The day i met you!

If you get a chance, Take it.
If it changes your life, Let it.
Nobody said it'd be easy,
They just promised that it'd be worth it.

Did you ever love someone and know
They didnt care?
Did you ever feel like crying knowing
It wont get you nowhere?
Did you ever look into someones eyes,
And say a lil prayer?
Did you  ever look into someones heart
Wishing you were there?
Did you ever watch someone walk
Away, not wanting them to go?
Did you ever whisper "God i love you"
With not letting them know?
You cry at night  in misery and almost
Go insane.
Hell, you dont even know one ounce
Of my pain.
All this **** that you put me  through,
This is something i dont wanna do.
One little slit upon my wrist.
God even knows i wont be missed.

Please don't ask if i'm okay,
I might do something stupid...
Like, Open up to you.
And i'm really tired
Of getting close to
People then watching
Them leave me
Like i'm nothing...

I'm a young girl who is kept from sight
Constantly I'm crying in the middle of the night
I'm a girl who lives in constant fear
From the torment I have to endure and hear
I'm a girl who lives in a world full of pain and shame
As others say that I am hurt and alone as I was to blame
I am a girl who is longing for acceptance and happiness
But it seems like no one really understand and cares
I am a girl who lives in a broken home.
I am a girl who still holds her painful childhood memories
Mum used to beat, slap, and thrown me around every day
As dad watched.
I am a girl with a heart that is constantly breaking
As mum is always tormenting me with her anger and painful words
I am a broken girl who lost her innocence at a very young age
From a mum who hurts me with her deliberate unreasonable rage
I am a girl who is so lonely and sad
As I have no friends and would hide myself away
I'm a girl who was hurt from the people I used to trust
My friends became the bullies who would beat and torment me each day
I used to be the girl who would have tried to **** myself many times
But I was saved by what was the most precious in my mind
I used to be the girl who would bottle up all the emotions and fears
But I could no longer hold on and broke down into tears
I used to be the girl who hurt herself in every way possible
From trying to cut to breaking bones
I am now the girl who is still trying to hold on
But on the inside I am on the verge of breakdown
I am the girl who now smiles and makes eye contact
But truthfully I still want to fade away
I am the girl filled with the painful emotional and physical scars
I am a girl who now wishes to run away
I am now a girl who is trying to pray for everything to be better
I am the girl who still cries each night
I am the girl whose heart would be hard to fixed
I am the girl who now does not easily trust
I am now the girl who is still afraid
I am now the girl who regrets having to live life this way.

I seem happy right?
You see no cuts on my wrist.
Only the smile on my lips..
You hear me laugh, you see me smile.

But did you take time to look in my eyes?
Did you see the emptiness, the darkness...
Did you check my hips?
Darling, if you only opened your eyes, you could see.
I was dying inside...

And i bet you didnt know
That she cries herself to sleep every
Night thinking of you.
Replaying everything you ever said
Everything you ever did
And wondering where she went wrong.