My eyes blurred,
Make-up smeared,
Nose red,
Brain aching,
Crying,
Dying,
And bout to break a 1 & a half month.
Of being clean
But this time. its going to be done right.
Because soon, i wont be able to do this life style anymore,
becasue everything i love is leaving,
friends,
family,
And soon me.

2 months.
And now
0 days clean

They say you dont know
What you got til its gone,
They say that your
Darkest hour comes
Before ya dawn.

Today
       I Want To Kiss
                       The Lips Which I Love.
Today
       I Will Say Words
                           That I Never Said.
Today
      I Will Do Something
             That I Have Never Done Before.
Today
      I Will Fix Your Heart
             Which I Dont Know How To Fix.

Little boy: Are you an angel?

Me: No why?

Little boy: Because my mommy said if someone has red marks they are  angels that fell from heaven and hurt themselves so they can go  back because they don't like life on earth.

Me: Your mommy must be a very smart person.

Little boy: Shes a angel too, But shes already back in heaven.

"If you love two people
At the same time,
Choose the second.

Because if you really loved
The first one,
You wouldnt have fallen for
The Second.

The girl has a dream,
A life like dream,
She toss and turns in her sleep,
She doesn't want the world to  know,
What she has done,
What she hides
With Bracelets and Sleeves,
She tries to hide her pain,
She doesn't need her friends to see,
The monster that's hidden deep down.
The one that scares away her  friends,
The one she tries to control,
Day after day It tears her soul,
Until its to late.
She takes that silver blade to ****
that monster,
She tries to end it all.
She  ends it all in her life like dream.
But it wasn't  a dream.
It was a dream she was living in.
The monster was inside her,
She couldn't defeat,
She defeats herself instead the  beast.

I wanted her to know I liked her

and maybe sometimes loved

so I gave her little wildflowers

the color of the dying sun

She was happy with the little signs

of my innocent affections

placing the flowers in her windows

and telling friends of my intentions

But one night I got too drunk

and I stumbled to her door

and led her in the blustery night

to a field of wildflowers on the shore

And when the sun rose on the coast

the field a burnt-orange blur

I told her I  planted them all

the first night that I kissed her

I love the way you hold me
I love the way you look at me
I love the way you kiss me
and the way you touch my body.
I love the sound of your voice
and the way you tell me you love me.

I saw you at church,
Your usual smoke smell,
As i walked over to give you a hug,
I saw that glance in your eye,
I saw you were hurt,
You need help,
I remember you told me you loved me,
I said it was to early,
I Felt really bad,
I still hurt inside,
I do actually love you,
I want you to  know that.

I ******* hate my life.
He likes Nicole. my sister. A so called "lesbian".
that's the reason i don't date
because they always end up liking her
I wanna die. i finally started getting lots feelings for him.
Why am i so ugly? and stupid? why cant i just be everything someone wants.????

Pills in my face,
Razor by my wrist,

Why should i be alive.?
I get  bullied,
My mom & dad Hates Me,
Emotionally Abused,
Mental illness Has won,
Why give me pills?
Because its not working.

They said, "We come from ******, where the love
"is more exquisite than men can dream of,
"much less provide.  The hard Augustan rules
"are masculine, and made for breeding fools.
"Your patriarchal moral cannot sever
"our intimacy---that will last forever!
"We have the right to choose our destiny,
"without permission of society.
"You call the past His-story; but a page
"has been turned.  We come out with a new age.
"New drama will appear upon the stage
"of life's existence---with new cast and scene,
"its poetry composed in Mytilene."
So spoke they both . . . intensely . . . from the heart.
Not too long, after that, they broke apart:
the one given to raging jealousy;
the other?---children, domesticity.

I  Want Someone  Who Will
Ruin My Lipstick,
Not  My Mascara

Friday is the day,
The day i cant stand to hear about,
Because if its true my life will be ruined,
I will have  to face the consequences when i'm WAY older,
Hopefully if its not true  i will be half normal.
Sadly.
I'm already suffering,
Why do i have to suffer more?
More than i already am?
More miserable.
#I #Hate #My #Life

My wrist is bleeding nobody here.
Wishing if just one person would care.
As the red marks keep bleeding,
I wonder if someone knows im in needing
Of love.

Feelings Dont Die Easy,
Because We Keep Feeding Them With
Memories.

As i take out,
Take out the silver monster.
Beginning to hurt the soft  skin.
The  droplets of blood rise.
Making a red river.
Leaving a blood red stain.
One of those scars
Again and again.
Trails and trails.

To be honest I just want my fingertips to be familiar with your bare skin. I want to see you naked 3 AM and remember that I have you forever. I want my eyes to be on a first name basis with every inch of your body. I want the taste of your body to be imbedded in my memory

Every time that I see you forced to take a deep breath. I have to try and regulate my heartbeat. When I see you you an inaudible wow always escapes my lips. That’s how amazing you are to me. So amazing that every time that I’m graced with your presence I accidentally let my awe of you escape me

Maybe a little more.
Maybe the over dose will
help. Maybe, my life wouldn't
be such a heart shattering
disaster. Maybe Jesus
would give me one of the most
amazed lifes.
Maybe  he might just put me in a machine
like the  one he hath built for me.
Maybe i will  have food.
Maybe win one of the most beautiful crowns
Maybe, he wont put me back on this horrid
earth. Where all the monsters are devouring
me.

When I see you in my mind,
all the burdens in my life,
seem to unwind.
One thing to me,
that is heavenly divine,
is whenever you press,
your soft lips to mine.
It always brings a smile to my face,
I would not want to be any other place,
except right here with you,
seeing that beautiful look on your face.
Then as we slide into bed,
nothing on but the candle light,
it makes me cry,
to know that I have,
the most beautiful girl by my side.
I hold you in my arms,
with all my love,
even if tomorrow,
would never come.
Seeing you lie there,
looking into my eyes,
for another slight moment,
another tear comes to my eye.
For when I look at you,
the way you do me,
I've never felt more sure.
That this love that we have,
between you and me,
is always and forever mean't to be.

Realized I
Lost My Heart
To Someone
Who Doesn't Care...

And I Found
It Crying  In The
Corner.

Its like a noose around my
Neck that grows tighter
Everytime i try
To fight for my
Life.

“You will get broken,
You will be bruised,
You will get burned,
You will be bitter,
You will forget how to breathe,
You will burn things,
You will bruise grounds,
You will break people,
You will breathe what you have forgotten,
You will be bitter,
You will be weak,
You will be weak,
You will be weak,
You will build up again,
You will bury the broken bones,
You will brush the bruises away,
You will breathe,
You will get better.