I seem happy right?
You see no cuts on my wrist.
Only the smile on my lips..
You hear me laugh, you see me smile.

But did you take time to look in my eyes?
Did you see the emptiness, the darkness...
Did you check my hips?
Darling, if you only opened your eyes, you could see.
I was dying inside...

Please don't ask if i'm okay,
I might do something stupid...
Like, Open up to you.
And i'm really tired
Of getting close to
People then watching
Them leave me
Like i'm nothing...

I don't know why I bother to try;
even though I know, you'll never be satisfied.
I'm not what you want, &: I'm not what you need.
but you're twisting &: turning my reality.
I'm lost in the shuffle,
buried with my troubles.
you're killing my emotions, &: losing my trust.
&: you look at me with a sense of disgust.
this is my world, &: you are my fear.
I think things would be better, without you near.
I'm losing myself &: cowarding down to you.
you're words they are permanent to me, just like a tattoo.
you're always right behind me, pushing me way to far.
cut me open, see the pattern of my scars.
all these people that think they're so tough.
try-- being reminded that you're never good enough.
you're killing me slowly, &: I'm almost dead.
I imagine you smile as you drift off to bed.
this isn't right, this isn't fair.
it's nothing, I don't expect you to care.
I'll paint this world, with my list of regrets.
I'll burn this city with my ashes &: I'll forget
that you weren't there.
&: maybe I'll be saved from this horrid despair.
I know whose right &: I know whose wrong.
but you'll figure it out, once I'm finally gone...

Little girl,
loved and cared for,
little girl,
had a good life,
little girl was once happy,
at first,
little girl didn't believe the bullies,
but the death threats and names got to her,
her home was her only escape..
until it became just like her bullies,
she cried everyday,
no one saw her tears,
she screamed,
no one heard her,
she didn't eat,
no one noticed,
she hurt so bad,
she went to the knife..
which was so nice she went back
every night.
No one dared to care,
alone in this world.
Abused and used.
Drugs and drinking.
She dug into her arm
and hit the vein,
she let herself go..
let go of the pain.
But also had the pain let go of her.

Where did forever go?
You said you would be there.
Through ice and snow.
The pain.
You would never know...
Your still lauging.
As im here collapsing.
You dont care.
Hah
You never had.
You never will!
Never will you truly be mine...

They really don't see
how much this effects me.
I tell them over and over again
but they just don't want to listen.

They laugh and they giggle
and tell the whole world
YEAH! that's because their
the typical popular girl.

When I put them in their place
they go and be two faced.
Middle school ***** I hope
in high school I will have better luck.

All the drama
the haters,
backstabbers, and liars
you got to pick your friends
like you are walking on fire.

I used to have one good friend
that was there till the end
then she got a boyfriend
and now its a never again.

All the guys,
the lies,
the rumors,
and the facts
karmas a *****
so you better step back.

Shouting things that don't
need to be shouted.
Finding a true friend,
Ah ha I doubt it.

Screaming in you face
just want to kick their ***,
do it
your done
now walk away with some class.

Flirting is not so bad
It's a sigh of affection.
Fighting in the hallways
Automatic DETENTION!

Walking around
all alone
gives you time to think
all the strength you've grown.

Now that I'm stronger
I'll fight and defend
because I'm a true friend
and will always be there in the End.

What I feel they may never understand,
it's not like its difficult or hard to comprehend.

But it's what lies behind my every pull,
I've done it so much sometimes I don't even know.

Where'd it all go wrong,
God curse that day.
Little did I know it would take my everything away.

My love, my joy, my truth, my hope,
the day I began you, I blindly signed that oath.
The oath that strangles and tears me apart,
ripping piece by piece, till there's nothing but my heart.

The heart that feels every single thing, no mouth to use,
nothing but sting.

When people look at me, what do they see?
a girl? a friend? a masterpiece?

Knitted together with letdowns and lies,
hiding inside feelings continue to rise.

But my! that masterpiece, look but do not touch!
You can care about the outside,
but isn't that enough?

Well no one likes and undercover mess,
so I just stay right here...
and try to live my 'best'.

I hate how we've
D r i f t e d   A p a r t.
But then again,
If you wont make an effort
To keep me in your life.
Why should i?

I look at you
And i can see it in your face.
You think you can hide it,
But i see you.

I see the hurt,
The dark circles beneath your eyes.
And the quiet plea
Dancing on your bottom lip,
Too afraid to be voiced
Too afraid to be heard
Because your too afraid to be hurt.

And i just want to take you and
Wrap you up in my arms
Hold you, console you
Tell you things you'll believe.
But you don't seem to believe
Anything anymore.
Because you have been deceived
Far too many times.

So i'll just look at you
And see the pain in your fake smile,
And i'll smile back
And i'll hear the attempted deception
When you tell me your just tired,
I'll say me too.

I know your broken inside,
I can see it in your lies.

Roses are red,
Your wrist are too
Violets are blue,
And so are you.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Only if you knew how in love i am in with you.
Maybe you'd love me back.
Maybe love is something you lack.
You'll lay in bed tonight with a face lit so bright.
I'll lay in bed with a new thin on my arm, in red.
Trust me, You not knowing this isnt whats killing me,
Its for the fact that i know you'll never love me.
Cutting is just  my new found bliss,
If people knew, they'd call me crazy.
If people knew,  they might care.
But if you knew. You would NEVER. Be right where you are now.
"My Friend"

Most nights
At 2am
I wonder
Where i'll be in
Five
Ten
Fifteen
Years.

Other nights
At 2am
I wonder
If i'll make it that far.

I drew a butterfly on my wrist,
In hope that this feeling would no longer persist.
But things got bad and i started to cry
So the butterfly on my wrist, It had to die.
Once again i tried to set myself free,
But it seemed my thoughts had stolen the key.
So  this butterfly lived a very short life.
Killed with fear and a very sharpe knife...

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don€™t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
Im not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend Im OK
But thats not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin€™ to do

It€™s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But Im doin It
It€™s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and Im alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin€™ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say (much to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do, oh.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say (to say)
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
Thats what I was trying to do

I don't think you see that gaze i give you.
I don't think you see me drool over you.
I don't think you see me stare into your beautiful eyes.
I don't think you see me stare at you cuts, scars.
I don't think you see me wanting to be you.
I don't think you see me wanting to love you.
I don't think you see me helpping you.
I don't think you see me dying over you.

I dont know how to tell you im broken,
Without feeling needy.

I dont know how to open up,
Without feeling judged.

I dont know how to cry,
When my scars feel like acid.

I just need you to see im hurting,
Without me telling you
Because my words are bleeding out
Of my mouth, waiting for you
To stitch me up and make me fine
Although i know thats not your job.
And your better off without me.

I just need you to see me
One last time.

It ***** always feeling like the
"Second choice"
But i am the sceond choice
For everything though.
Im the second choice for my friends,
My sister, my mother, my cousin, and
You too.
Even though you always tell me im not.
You should stop trying to make me feel
Better,
Because we both know your lying,
Im just going to need to face  the facts,
And accept it.

A tear drops down her face
One bye one.
As she thinks about "Her"
While holding that gun.
Images cross her mind,
As she pictures good times.
She cant take it anymore.
So she shoots until she is on the
Floor.
Before she died she wrote a note.
She wanted to say...
I love you all,
But she also said how this is it,
I dont want to live.
I cant bare seeing her with someone else.
I want her but she cant tell.
She ends her note with,
"I love you"
Than leaves everyone without a clue.
She doesnt even know what,
She has done.
She just carries on,
Not knowing she is gone.

As i start to like you,
More and more.
Maybe  one well be happy.
Maybe i can show you what true  love is,
I want to be there for your  hardest times.
I want to be there for everything.
I dont want to see you fail.
I dont want to see you hurt.
I just want you to live happily.
I do want to see you success.
I do want to see you try your hardest.
I dont  want to see you cut, cry, or die.
I dont think i make sence. But this all true,
Just for you...

I wish i wouldve saved
Every tear i cried for you.
So i could drown you
In them.

And i bet you didnt know
That she cries herself to sleep every
Night thinking of you.
Replaying everything you ever said
Everything you ever did
And wondering where she went wrong.

Why am i always chasing after
Stars out of reach in the sky?
When my  wings are broken and useless,
And i dont even know how to fly?

Why do i stare at the heavens
And wish for angels in the clouds?
When im trpped on the cold earth
And rooted  firm in the desolate ground?

What would the galaxys want
With a wandering soul in the dark?
When there are comets amongst the planets,
That leave sparkling trails in their hearts?

Ill cut out of sail from my dreams,
And crash my cracked ship in the sea.
I doubt there will be any stars in heaven
That shine in remeberance of me.

Do you see?
Or did love just completely blind you?
I think your hurting to much,
Shes hurting you,
I hate it,
I wanna be able to help you  see,
Shes just completely destroying you,
She is one of the most unloyal  people i know,
And just seeing you hurt,
Kills me, your such a beautiful girl dont ya see?
I wonder and wonder
Why?
Why do you let her do this to you?
You cut, because of her,
You cry, because of her,
You hurt because of her,
I have grown to hate her for what shes done to  you.
Ugh,
Just notice im here, and want you to leave her,
Even though it wont happen... youll always be in love with her.

Feelings i still have  yet to understand,
Fellings that made me feel good about myself,
The love i needed,
The love that felt so good,
But, was it love to you too?
I cant force you to love me,
Did i make you feel good about yourself?
Do you love me?
Is what we have love?
Did i give you the love you needed?

Love begins with a Smile,
Grows with a Kiss,
And ends with a Teardrop.

There is a girl that everyone knows
Beautiful grin, no worries or woes
Laugh is one you'll never forget
She's living in her past debt
She hates her body, says she is fat
She shouldn't hate herself, but doesn't know that
She's the girl with the biggest smile
Nobody knows she forces up bile
Feels worthless, ugly, abandoned, wasted
No one knows the tears she has tasted
Cries herself to sleep at night
But smiles again once it is bright
She pulls the blade across her skin
Takes comfort in the pain she's in
She loves the sight of her own blood
She wants to see the beautiful flood
She once said she wished she was dead
She meant it, wasn't just in her head
This is the girl that nobody knows
Inside her walls she's forever enclosed

Life is filled with pain,
anger and sorrow.
I need a knife to borrow.
Let it flow against my skin easily,
as it goes deeper and deeper.

Soon I'll be with the reaper.
Tears fall fastly,
Thinking I'm worthless to be here.
All of my frights becomes my fears.

The words flowing through my head so fast,
you ***** **** *****.
Tearing my heart apart and throwing it on the floor.
So I cut deeper and deeper hitting the vain.

Again and again in the same spots,
leaving blood clots.
Don't judge about what I do,
judge me for who I am today.

Even if I'm not okay.
My hands, arms and legs filled with scars.
Each and every one I deserve on me,
because people tell me this all day constantly.

I hate when I believe that every word they say is true,
it hurts.
Wait until it happens to you.
Words hurt
Think before you speak

Did you ever love someone and know
They didnt care?
Did you ever feel like crying knowing
It wont get you nowhere?
Did you ever look into someones eyes,
And say a lil prayer?
Did you  ever look into someones heart
Wishing you were there?
Did you ever watch someone walk
Away, not wanting them to go?
Did you ever whisper "God i love you"
With not letting them know?
You cry at night  in misery and almost
Go insane.
Hell, you dont even know one ounce
Of my pain.
All this **** that you put me  through,
This is something i dont wanna do.
One little slit upon my wrist.
God even knows i wont be missed.

The chaotic noise inside the class,
The live chit chat that every group has.
Yes, another semester is at hand,
Another great year is about to land.
Friends hug like there's no tomorrow,
Happiness is in, no more sorrow.
I see new people walk inside the room,
New batches of friends are about to bloom.
But one person caught my attention,
A girl with this kind of perfection,
Walks like a model on a runway,
A girl that stole my heart away.
Her eyes sparkle like the stars above,
That look she gives me that I really love.
Her smile that takes my breath away,
I know that I won't let her slip away.
I want to tell her what I really feel,
Wanting to tell her that this is real.
Oh, this feeling that I hate,
A feeling that would not obliterate.
Want to know about the sad truth?
That there will never be a "me and you."
Yes, that is the sad truth
That you'll never say you like me too.
But shes the only one for you,
It will only be "You and her"
The Sad Truth,
I will never be able to tell this,
But its one thing i want to tell.

Red: The scars that burry within the skin.
Orange: Healing
Yellow: Sunlight that never shines.
Green: Society, Never enough.
Blue: The tears of sorrow.
Purple: Learing to be who they are.
Pink: Sexuality.

She  knew,  the  day
You  broke  her  Heart,
That  love  was  either
The  greatest  joke
The  world  has  ever
Told  us,
Or,
The  greatsest  and*
Most  felt  *truth.

A sting in the heart, a lump in the throat,
It's a silent night as your gaze misses mine.
Shoulders hunched, head hung, a tear held back and a bitten lip. Say Anything I plea.
Pillows damp with tears, stomach full of fears.
Anything to get back those wonderful years.
One last straw to forget your flaw, it's too late as the curtains draw.
Moving on now,
Slow and steady. Looking back my heart is heavy.
Too many hits for one lifetime,
Unable to recover to be with one another.