Holly

Holly Sep 2015

Me...

Dear past me
Who smiles so bright
Who has always spread her wings
And taken flight
Your eyes are shining blue like the sea
Looks like you are
As happy as can be

Dear present me
Why are you so sad
Has something gone wrong
Something gone bad
Looks like you have lost your way
And you may never
Live another day

Dear future me
I hope you are well
And I hope you are alive
I hope you smile so everyone can tell
That you've made it past
The good and the bad
And you've finally won this battle at last

Holly Sep 2015

Lost

What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When your tired of living and playing this game?
when you know your life is meaningless and your the only one to blame?

What do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
When you smile and laugh but you know its all a show?
When you feel like you've hit your all time low?
When nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?

What do you call it when you feel so alone?
When your in your house but it don't feel like home?
When you look back in your life and every choice you made now seems wrong?
When the wait to die seems too long.

Holly Sep 2015

2 Friends....

my friends
aren't you supposed to comfort me?

my friends
aren't you supposed to stick with me?

my friends
aren't you supposed to back me up?

my friends
why do you tell lies about me to your friends and family

my friends
why do you spread rumors about me?

my friends
why do you ignore me?

my friends
why do you never call me back?

my friends
why do you ditch me for the next best thing?

aren't friends supposed to be buds?
to stick together?

to laugh at each others' jokes?

but no

my friends
all you do is mock me

my friends
the only thing you do is put me down

I had only two friends

my friends?
no

I have no friends

Holly Sep 2015

Anger

So angry
The feeling of betrayal
Suffocating my senses
A thousand attempts
Is a thousand failures
Only expect everything less
Hope
A distant aspiration
Darkness
A promising relaxation
Muffled screams
And stifled cries
Never wish hello
Always curse goodbyes
This feeling in my chest
Is no longer just a feeling
Born in the darkness
Nursed by the pain
Raised by the injustice
It courses through my veins
And pollutes every thought
And murders every dream
No mercy for the innocent
No care for the naive
Pure worship for the ignorant
Sacrifices of the soul
Piece by chunk, its chipped away
My hearts no longer whole
Don't try and tell me its okay
Cause you'll be lying to my face
All hopes and dreams
All laughs and smiles
Have all been washed away.
No love, no loss
No hope, no tears
Plain and simple, you see
No tries, no fails
No lies, no tales...
Still alive, but barely breathing

Holly Sep 2015

Mask

I'm great, fine, spectacular. In a way
I relish every night, and I live every day.
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing,
I wonder what the new days will bring.

Then I get home, and I take off the mask.
The day, and almost impossible task,
Is finally over, and so I lie Down,
and wait patiently for the day that I die.

I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep,
even though I have promises to keep.
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more,
And I ache and burn from my very core.

Then, I'm not alone, and the mask reappears:
Out goes the grief, pain and all of the tears,
As I am a happy person, cheerful all the day.
A world full of rainbow, not one shade of grey.

Of course I'm not okay, I'm not fine,
No matter how much I seem to shine.
I don't even know why I feel this...
Why my existence is one long, endless abyss.

But it is, and will be, so I cling to life,
As one day I might slip, and end it with a knife.
But, I'm still here, no matter what my dreams might say
And I hope that one day I will actually be okay.

Holly Jun 2015

:(

Just because
My eyes don't tear,
Doesn't mean
My heart doesn't cry.

And just because
I come off strong,
Doesn't mean
Theres nothing wrong.