it felt good
to feel wanted
and feel beautiful
and feel good enough
and feel confident
it feels good
for you
to not be
the last person i kissed

you never promised me forever
and i would not have wanted you to
because we both knew
we had an expiration date
i thought it would take longer
for sweetness to turn sour
but you can not ignore
a souring fruit

when my best friend told me
“when i love someone,
i am going to to love them
with everything inside of me”
i finally felt understood
because i did love her
with everything inside of me
i don’t know how to not
and that’s the thing about me
i am an all or nothing
kind of girl
if i love you
i will love every part of you
with my whole being
i will become blind by love
that is not to say
i am not scared
i am terrified
because i know
that if this love ends
it will break me
because if i have given you
every part of me
will you ever be able to
give it all back when
you are done using it
and that is why i never
let myself love before you
i thought you would be more careful
because i explained this all to you
but love is not careful
love is fragile and breakable
and if i had to have my heart broken
i am still glad
it was by you

i never thought
i would be willing
to change myself
to be with another person
but i would have
changed anything
to stay with you
and maybe
that is the problem
when i loved you
i forgot how to love myself
and i can preach self love
without feeling it
but now
i am going to take the time
and yes, i know
it will take time
to love myself
because everyone
deserves a place in this world
and that place
does not belong
inside of another person

all i want
is to be your friend
because
i need a friend right now
and i so badly wish
you were willing to be
what i need
or at least willing to try

"what do i have to do to make you care"
is the last text i sent to you
you never answered
what the ****
am i worth to you
i feel hopeless
because maybe there is
nothing
i can do to
make you care anymore

i keep asking myself
how could i have ever
dated someone
and loved someone
who treats me so poorly
and i do not have an answer
maybe it is because
you cannot train the heart
or maybe things have not
always been like this
but all i know
is that i
can never love you
the same way again