Save a piece of me.
A laugh, a smile, a subtle flicker of my eyes when the lights turn on.
You have to remember something, so make it small. Don't keep the battles,
the strife, the words I said and never meant, the words you never thought you knew.

If you save anything, let it be a moment. A second.
So brief, so inconsolably unmemorable:

A candle's flame. A flower's lonely petal.
A breeze, pushing us both in opposite directions.

I am tired (I know) of the
what if’s, the what was
or what will be.

I am tired of the emotions
(inside) which seem to
control my thoughts.

I am tired (do you know?) of the
conflict between
the ‘what this is’ and
‘what this is not’.

Because it is: neither
and/or; it is/ is not; both
and neither.

I am tired (I think) of
being tired. Of keeping
it together; not cracking
on the surface.

Because honesty this time has
failed to cure these
symptoms,
like before.

I am tired. Just
tired.

But I won’t let
You go.

In this twisted world
That rose from the ashes
Of our crazy old one
We don't feel
We don't act on impulses
Heaven forbid
I beg permission
From a higher-up
Official men
In official suits
Submerged in official lives
I plea to you
God in black and white
Give me your stamp of approval
I need your permission
To love love love
I've got a man in mind
Acceptable income
A promising arrangement
He snowboards
Plays the banjo
He's a sweetie
Permission granted?

Crumbling
You crumble me
Between your palms
I'm rubbed ragged
When you pull your hands apart
I slip to the mossy floor
Nothing but dust
You do this to me
And I trust
Trust that you mean the best
Trust that you'll retrieve me
From this forest underfoot
Pick me up
Make me whole
But I've crumbled
There's no going back

People always look right through me,
It's like I'm never there.
There's nothing there, nothing to see
Just boring plain thin air.

I try to speak but no one hears
My voice just like a breeze.
Everyone shouts loud and clear
Ignoring me with ease.

I walk straight by, you'll never know,
No one to notice me.
These are the colours that will never show
This face, you'll never see.

I walk a long a lonely path
So far away from now.
Watching people talk and laugh
In ways I don't know how.

I fade away, I have no choice
You'll never know my name.
You'll never even hear my voice.
This is me, Miss Cellophane.

Words from my lips
Jump one by one,
Unfamiliar they are
As I watch them run.
Chasing my words, my thoughts, myself,
Breathless, I pursue my only wealth
Soon my shadow is breaking free
Where shall you go? Where will you flee?
Will I not see you just once more?
You’ll disappear, and leave me sore
No, I cannot lose it all,
Come back to me,
Don’t let me fall,
For we were created one for the other,
You can’t exist without your brother!
So for your good, I chain you to me,
Though with defiance we will be.

you

always you
my mind always finds it way back to you
you who was my first taste
my first touch, my first all consuming fire
we had our passion in the darkness
and our romance in the light
you were a magnet, I was steel
and try as I might, I could not fight

you

it was a tug, then a pull, then a force to be reckoned with
and once we collided that was it
we were twisted and tangled together
we were a knot that couldn’t come undone
we pushed and pushed and pushed together
till I didn’t know where my heart ended and your hand began

you

the months passed and still we held
we intertwined our bodies and souls
it was sweet and it was right
it was the bond that sealed our fate
for we created a spark inside me
I felt a new life for the first time
and cried “oh God what is this?!”

you

we thought we were mountains
and our eyes could see what loomed on the horizon
we could see what was in front of us
but we should have looked below
our mountain was on quicksand
and you were slipping down

you

I watched as you slipped, unable to move
unable to breathe, unable to feel
when all I had was your fingertips to hold on to
I cried “NO! you will not take this from me!”
“you will not rip my heart out with you!”
but you did anyway
you still have pieces of it under your fingernails

you

you who were once my confidant
my passion, my lover
you who once inspired words of love
you now inspire words of pain and rage
what I once knew as love was now betrayal
and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

you

you who left me for her
left our blossoming flower to shrivel up and die in the winter
left the heart you once praised as your equal
for a cheap, side show imitation
left me alone on that mountain with that spark in my womb
never to return until you felt like it

you

I see you every time I look in our son’s eyes
the eyes I used to look into and see a world only I could see
the eyes that I can look into now and feel love again
he is the only way I have learned to love you again
but while he is a part of you, he is not you
he is you version 2.0, the new and improved

you

now you will always be a part of me
our bond we sealed will carry on even if you’re not around
because even though I mended my heart
you still took those pieces with you
the difference now is that my heart can beat without

you