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 Oct 2010 Pink Taylor
SuupJordan
I think I'm okay.
My eyes are wide awake,
  as I lay in the place in which I chose to end my yesterday.

I feel as if I should be anxious,
  but I'm not, 'cause if I stop long enough to worry
  I may just leap from the ledge of this apartment building.

It sounds sorta thrilling...
  but I bet a million that my blood, and my teeth, and my bones on the street,
  are all very far from filling...
And if I made it alive,
  I wouldn't survive the outlandish hospital billing.

They keep telling me that everything will be alright.
I just wish that all rights didn't eventually turn into a left,
  because I'm sick of leaving things behind.

My two-sided mind is always changing.
I'm constantly re-arranging the furniture that is my thought process,
  and the room's a manic mess.
 Oct 2010 Pink Taylor
SuupJordan
My poetry has gone to ****.
I've been sitting here sulking over sheets of notebook paper
  with thoughts in my head about boys and their beds.
I'm a spool of thread, tightly wound, until you pull the right end,
  and the entire amount unravels and rolls to the ground.

I am confused as to why I choose to continue wrapping myself in illusion.
I know the conclusion.
It's as if I've been reading the same book for days and days,
  but its cover changed,
  and I still pick it up anyway, as if the ending won't be the same.

Sheets and sweat and morning *** are highly overrated,
    unless we're sedated, or our hearts are somehow related to our bodies.
But they all want me,
      and its getting quite redundant
      'cause I can't find it in me to love them.
Even when I do, it's too good to be true
  and I'm back with a pen in my hand rewriting the same poem I wrote before,
  and the time before that.

Everybody knows that love poems are just corny, boring, complicated stories,
  so spare us the glory and get to the gory, 'cause it all ends in war.
Skip the detour, and forward to the part where we're bleeding on the floor,
  or to when you're calling me a *****, 'cause I'm bored with your facade,
  and wont ******* anymore.

It's so **** bleak and predictable,
  and I'm far too intelligent to fall into such drama.
But I do.
And that is something no amount of rhyming couplets can change or explain.
So I'll stop trying to.
 Oct 2010 Pink Taylor
Fukn Zach
Trade reality with fantasy
Break away from all that ties me
Get lost in a place where time doesn't exist
To be reborn in a new place, with a new taste
Reveal my third eye and & overcome being blind
Just leave everything behind
Live in this land where habits aren't deadly
Where I could could live on the edge & have no fear of flying
a child is born free of mind
but is hardened into thought
and by the time one dies
most are fixed and ******* into
worlds of their making,
heavens of their fantasies*

so one thinks one's an Indian, one a Chinese
or an American or British or Swedish
or French or Russian or German;
or one thinks one is a Christian or Muslim
or Jew or Hindu or Sikh or Catholic
or Doaist or Buddhist or Marxist or Communist
or even for that matter, an atheist
- or whatever you will...
one finds a badge to pin proudly to one's chest
and each identity becomes so strong
it becomes so real
it all comes into the question of right and wrong
of evil and good
and it falls into loud declamations
and my tribe is good, your tribe is evil
my brand is holy, your brand unholy...
and so it goes,
with all sorts of justifications
that beat sense out of all loyal adherents
and it squeezes humanity out of the human
as paste out of a tube...
ah, and yes,
the energy goes on into the afterlife
as Christians go into a Christian Heaven
and Hindus and Buddhists into various Lokas
and Muslims in their own Paradise
and so it goes on,
this Human Tragi-Comedy,
yes, yes, certainly all created by the Almighty
who was created by your mind's poverty
so that
a child is born free of mind
but is hardened into thought
and by the time one dies
most are fixed and ******* into
worlds of their making,
heavens of their fantasies
on conditioning and the formation of identity that creates so much suffering and violence in this world through all sorts of tribalism
you sit before me at the bench
and you throw your head back
hair loose, and neck exposed
as you drink water from the bottle
O, it makes me want to kiss your neck
lick it wet,
and drink from your mouth
and kiss your ears
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there



I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there



you wave at a friend passing by
and I say I love that wrist exposed
and I want to kiss your wrists
and I want to kiss your neck
it makes me feel like these vampires
these kids today rave about
but you laugh and push me back
and you say:
I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there


O look sweetheart
you may not trust yourself
and you may not trust me
but I trust myself
so let me kiss your neck and ears
and let me nibble at your wrists
and neck
cos I really trust myself


and still you laugh
and you won’t let me
and you say:
*I don’t trust you;
I don’t trust me
cos I know
we won’t let it stop there
 Oct 2010 Pink Taylor
Cassie Mae
Now
          when I hear our song
I don’t forget to breathe
I don’t choke on the memories
I don’t drown in the tears

Tonight
          when I wish on shooting stars
I won’t wish for you
I won’t count our days apart
I won’t close my eyes to dream of your kiss

Tomorrow
          when I wake from sleep
I will unwrap my body from the blankets
I will go out into the world alone
I will survive without you





I can’t remember who you are
I can’t remember who I was with you
Cassie Mae Writings 2010
I could of ended it all.
One phrase. not long enough to be a typical, acceptable sentence.
the power of words is astounding.
with just a couple, I could of broken your heart and my own and changed our lives forever.
with just one sweeping statement.
and what's worse is

I wanted to.

and that scares me.
the words scare me.
This is what happens when you don't even trust yourself.
I need to get some                                   sleep. But what
                                                  
                                                       I


really need right                                           now is to
                                                  
           ­                                          have


one more cigarette                                      because you've
                                                  
                                                       had


your way this time.                                          (You  always have your
way with everything).                                     But enough is
                                                  
           ­                                             *enough.
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