I feel
As if
My lungs are filling
With heavier air
Than before.
I feel
As if
My heart beats
Slower
s  l  o  w  e  r
Every moment
I think about
This past
This . . . time
That is behind me
But still surrounding my soul.
Not bad
But not good.
I want. . .
I need. . .
I do want to say
Something.
Anything.
But the words
Are halting and stumbling
So
As always
I'll say
Nothing
Whatsoever.

Why am I always the one left alone?
Just because I don't voice my every feeling, my every emotion
That doesn't mean I don't have them
So you walk away
And you share your feelings with each other
And I'll just sit here and die a little more on the inside
Again
Just because you haven't seen me cry
That doesn't mean I'm not weak
I am
I'm weaker than I let on
And I'm weaker than you would guess
And I'm tired. Of. Being. Alone.
But I won't cry
Not in front of you, anyway
I'll just sit here and die a little more  on the inside
Again
There is a hunger in my stomach, yes
But it is nothing compared to the one in my heart
The hunger that eats away at my very soul and mind
And begs for the touch of another
For the attention of another
But is refused time and time again
So I wait
And I sit here
And I die a little more on the inside
**Again

zip
We're in the tent
ruffle
We're under the covers
Fully clothed, we're shy
After champagne, we're tipsy
Your arm makes the perfect pillow
But I'm nervous and give us space
"Do I get a goodnight kiss?" you ask
"If you want..." I stutter
For the second time that night,
And ever in  9 years,
We *kiss
You're perfection personified
I'm awkward
I roll over
But wait...
What was that?
I turn towards you again
Inhale
Cool but inviting
Sharp and intoxicating
I've never smelled you before
I cuddle closer
I close my eyes, breathe you in
My head swims
I am yours
How have I never noticed?
I am yours
Have you always been this soft and warm?
I am yours
Do you need me like I need you?
I am yours
Will you be mine?

My granny was only twelve years old
When she got her first tattoo
She was kind of a rebellious child
Back in nineteen twenty-two

She hid that thing for a little while
'Til her daddy finally got wise
He took that girl to the woodshed
With ****** in both of his eyes

He asked that girl, "What did you do,
Don't you know that's gotta be a sin?"
"Now look what you've done to your body,
Has your mama seen your skin?"

Now my granny was a stubborn child
She didn't listen to a word he said
She didn't hide the one she had
But she got three more instead

Now as my granny got older, so did her skin
And her ink was droopy and sad
You'd think that woman would feel remorse
But I think she was almost glad

Now the art sunk down to her elbows
As it wobbled to and fro
The butterfly tats would take to flight
Everywhere Granny would go

Now another tat was a bloodshot eye
But now it was always winking
On the other arm was a battleship
But of course that thing was sinking

Well that's the story of my granny's art
She lived to be a hundred and two
The day she died it said "Rest in peace"
Not the gravestone, her last tattoo

I'm sleeping in your bed tonight, alone
Because you left me in the back of your mind
I'm not special anymore, so **** it
I'll smoke a cigarette, a habit I never had
I'll pass out in your room where I'm usually holding you or underneath you
Summer's here, so I'm trying to keep the glass half-full
I don't need a boy to empty it again, I'd rather risk that with a man
But deep down, really
I wish you were here even if you have forgotten all about me
But you're probably somewhere in the mountains, seeing things that aren't really there
Maybe it's me
And I'm in the trees and in the stars and I'm raining fire on you until it scorches your skin
And you wake up for a split second from your daydream at night
I'll color the sky like Northern Lights and tell you to come back home.