.                                                                                                  



                                                                              O love
                                                                             ,my hushed cords elate
                                                                              at the stroking of your fingers

The flames that stick
The lies that lick
Ten and six years have gone
And yet only now I begin
To find the truth
In scars among the ashes

You hand me truth on a silver platter
Yet you cross your fingers
That the hideous stain on the underside
Will scamper out of sight

The truths have for four less a score
Been the threshold
Of what I thought was real
You raised me in a bed of flowers
And never bothered to remove the paint
As the petals turned to lead

The leaded falsehoods,
The poisons that corrupted,
I wasted my years
Building among the ruins
What I thought was true
Only to have reality
Eat my lungs out

Nothing seems different
Yet nothing is the same
You don’t know I know
You don’t know I’ve forgiven you
You don’t know that the truth of your secret
Eats me alive.

The worst part?
No one can know
Lest war should break out

So what do I do
Now that the lies
Which provided the foundation
Of the reality upon which I grew
Have been exposed?

Where do I run
When I am imprisoned
With nowhere to hide
In the Hell you expect me to call home?

The bane of my childhood,
These bitter truths,
The ones you have forced me
To realize on my own,
They’ve induced
Humiliation and pain,
Rage and suffering,
Disappointment and shame,
In the dignity of the trust
That was once nearing two decades in the making.

But behind even the darkest veil
Doth the bittersweet cloud hide a silver lining.
Thus it’s been concluded:
Neither in this dwelling,
Nor in that of another,
Not even in this world
Lies my home.

Alas, it seems
All mankind is homeless
Lest he find the satisfyingly loving Presence;
That which can be found
Not by sight, nor sound,
Neither touch, nor smell, nor taste.

Still the remarkable untruths of the past remain
They smolder and glare and snicker and jeer
As they burn my heart out

The silver soothes ever so slightly
Only to maintain balance minimal
Equilibrium numbs the agony ever so gently

Yet as I hack out the blood
While your jagged sword is drawn ever so slowly
From the feebly thumping ***** which in my ***** resides,

The toxic smoke of your despicably blatant lies lingers on…

fire fighting &
             I can't stop
                                laughing.
and can't stop tackling
and can't stop being    quite
******
and I can't stop being  quiet.

thrombotic
lobotomy
you are
on top
of me.
     and I'm losing my breath
and I'm holding my breath
and I'm going under
and I'm going to cry
and now it's all over
and I wonder
                       if I ever really had it in the first place.
right before then, I knee you in the face.
he just doesn't listen
cause she can't think
can't speakkkkkk
it's a double lip kiss to the sky,
marveling at the light
                          darkness
                           brings
I'm spreading my wings.
in steps to your house
in steps to your heart
in jumping in pumping
in moving behind.
I'm calling you mine.
I'm rolling over your body,
I can hear you breathing'
I mistook your calm for dreaming
but when I called your name you weren't sleeping
you opened your eyes
                     and you said
"you're a beautiful heathen."
I still am.
I am infinity
standing up straight.
by all means believe what you want to believe
I think you might be in love with me.
sometime's I eat flour, it feels good in my throat
dry like a pastry, it's a coat throat choke, sometime's sweet
but that's just me.
don't know how                I feel
sometime's don't know
                                                     how to feel
                                           at all.

I'm king today, but every other day I'm
Not The King.
On the days that I feel dead,
I'm God
with your face on my face.

you're love sick
I'm sick of love
forget about it
write home
tell me later.

I would sleep but red eyes keep me rigid,
And when I abandon my thoughts, they turn with venomous teeth,
And cracked dreams will creep up on me and I fall,
A never ending, ever mending wound torn open and blood,
Crimson in its exit, stinging, stretching fury.
I cry out and shy away from something better.

Now that we've decided to
Start Over

I want you to know
that i don't want
anything
to be how it was last time



please, please please

just let me breathe you in
and don't say anything
when i pull away from your kisses

don't make fun of the tears
that you (will) make fall from my cheeks

boy boy boy.
just teach me piano
and hold my hands
(yes, both of them)
please don't

hurt me
this
time


just boy
boy, good boy

try to hear me
I'm trying to explain

if I leave again
i won't expect you to chase after me

but boy,
silly boy
do it anyway.

just look in my eyes,
good boy good boy

you'll know
that the love i've got in my heart for you

never
left