Its four am in the morning
And my thoughts wandered as they do
Found it sad to think
That you hate being you...

Please,
I miss you

I want to sleep forever
Rest my head and never wake
My dreams are so impeccable
They take away the ache

I want to sleep forever
Beside your perfect smile
And if I ever wake
Seeing you would make it worthwhile

I want to sleep forever
Close my eyes as time goes by
That way, I will never
Have to be there for the painful goodbyes

I want to sleep forever
Then wake in paradise
There i'll meet my uncle
there, I'll finally see his eyes

I've befriended the night
he holds me when i cry

And guilt decided
to leak from my eyes.

Im no longer
a disguise...

she used to be afraid
to drown in pool water
but now her thoughts
tell her to jump further

i cried so much
that the cries turned into screams
and i drowned in my own salt water

So when i'm close, you turn away
And act all tough...

*You're so cliche

Eyes don't need to meet
for you to feel the contact

Is this life
or is this death
it feels like hell
therefore i must be dead

i dont want to wake up anymore
i just dont

And i needed to voice my thoughts
but if i did, you would worry
so my thoughts shall remain thoughts
and my voice will stay voiceless

I am proud to say
I have learnt to love myself

.

Her eyes were red,
They showed her pain
It was obvious,
That she was crying again.

Her voice, just a whisper
Insignificant as dust
She's searching for someone
Someone to trust

She smiled and laughed
While her eyes remained empty
Strange that a smile
Can hide things so deadly

Her wrists show no scars
But her soul, tampered and broken
Their words were like weapons
Invisible when spoken

Her eyes were red,
They showed her pain
It was obvious,
That she was crying again...

Your worth cannot be measured
by the circumference of your waist
or the width of your delicate hips

And though his lips will plant onto yours
and others may call you revolting
it shall never measure your worth

And when it comes to valentines day
and the only roses you received
were the ones your mother sent you
It cannot measure your worth

Because your worth cannot be measured
you shall repeat it again
your worth will not be measured
by numerals,words, or objects
not ever
your worth cannot be measured
but you are enough, unbelievably enough

.

.

.

I've made the same decision
Almost every hour
of almost every day

You will never know my struggles
But I'm holding on
and I'm okay

.

.

when they told me to define perfect
all i thought of was you
but i cried
punished myself -  i stood there and swore
because deep down i knew, you were always so much more.

.

.

.

Like a stubborn flower
I'll bloom
but only in time

.

.

.

they only appear when i shut my eyes
but id rather see them claw
from underneath my bed

whilst it's breath never brushes my skin
i still hear it's shrieks and cries
the others are still asleep

and id rather see and face my fears
than live in this wretched body -
because i promise you,

it never stops mocking my sanity

what does it take
to become a writer?
published words
or beautiful thoughts

.

Why would you waste your memories,
On someone like me?
Im not what you think,
Im not what you see.

Im not always happy,
Never have been.
My mind is a mess,
Please help me become clean.

These smiles that show
Mean nothing, they're fake.
I dont care anymore
Just take away my ache

You deserve  so much better
Like the princess over there.
Help her lift her head up,
Tiara's slipping, off her hair

I dont think
That im talented, special nor sweet
I dont want you wasting time,
On a girl, known as me...

You could lie and say
that youre not worth it
Break your soul
And all your hopes

You could deny and say
That you're not pretty
Break your soul
And all your smiles

You could delude yourself and say
That youre nothing special
Betray yourself
And all the world

You could lie and say
That youre just fine
And waste away
as they all believe

You could lie and smile
Then giggle and laugh
But they wont notice
That inside... youre dead

.

And if i choose you
id be choosing the type of happiness
that comes with the cost of pain
but id choose you forever
again, again and again

.

not everything is temporary
at least not yet
im
still
struggling

.

.

.

i do not want
to face tomorrow
so tonight
i will not sleep

because i see
the sun as the sun
and day only arrives
when i awake.

I will draw my way to happiness,
Write my way to freedom,
Cause i feel my lips no longer have purpose
If nobody will listen...

I will look at you with awe
my eyes
will trace your outlines
explore the beauty
of your landscapes
memorise every subtle
enchanting smile
catch the glimpse
of your emotions
fall in love
with your silhouette

and really
just fall in love with all of you

In my desperation
to understand your disappearance
ive mulled that word over in my maze of a mind
way too many times
i can no longer find its meaning.

.

they told me when you smile
it lights up the whole town
but i saw you as the sun
and the moon and all the stars
because you create the summer
and brighten up the night
You wouldnt need to smile,
because you already are the light

the river was sad
so i gave it a hug...
i didnt want to come back up

Bruises, they fade.
But these memories
...will stay