I've made the same decision
Almost every hour
of almost every day

You will never know my struggles
But I'm holding on
and I'm okay

I am proud to say
I have learnt to love myself

you dont just wake up one day
and recover
but you can just wake up one day
and choose to recover

Lets be real here,

you were always the universe
always the vast expanse
you were always too inspiring
alluring, even
you were always somehow breathtaking
(tell me how you do it)
you were always good enough
and you were always more than good enough
you were always monumental
the kind of person anyone would reminiscence of
but you werent always mine,
but you are now
and im always falling in love with you
im always never falling out
im always going to be here
and you will always be the universe
you will always be so much *more

I will look at you with awe
my eyes
will trace your outlines
explore the beauty
of your landscapes
memorise every subtle
enchanting smile
catch the glimpse
of your emotions
fall in love
with your silhouette

and really
just fall in love with all of you

they call the progress of loving you-
falling
and of course im falling
it hurts
im raw, exposed
hurt absolutely everywhere
but thats the point-
i want to fall

if its for you, ill let myself hurt any day

Like a stubborn flower
I'll bloom
but only in time

This is what happens when i give you my heart
wrapped up in paper and ribbons-
it's delicate
and gifts are made to be kept

My lips will quiver if you ask me
exactly how I am

And maybe my eyes will tell you one thing
and my voice will tell you, another
And though I'll attempt to replicate the smiles
That I pulled when I was younger
You may not take the surface
Instead doubt what's hiding under

I guess it's best to say,
I shouldn't attempt to answer
I know the tragic silence
Will describe my suffering better

This question comes
As unexpected as it was
that you would fall ever for me

But I'm still asking
Do you still love me?

flowers are so beautiful
let me plant one on those lips

not everything is temporary
at least not yet
im
still
struggling

im standing my ground
with faltering knees
and you hear me speak
with both hands trembling
The moon keeps tugging for the tides
and my emotions arent defying gravity

Because my science teacher taught me
that the moon evokes the tides
But she never taught me
how humans were like him too

I've befriended the night
he holds me when i cry

There is a sinking feeling in my stomach
and I feel the need to cry
all this water I had swallowed
when I once tried to drown
everything else
around me out

Eyes don't need to meet
for you to feel the contact

I hate the movement of my limbs
leaving me exasperated
but if you uttered my name in need
id create a tsunami

there are stars
and there are choices
i can talk about the ones that shoot across the sky
or i can talk about the sparkle in your eyes.

If you ever end up falling
you could never catch yourself
is this the reason why
you never say 'I love myself' ?

i find it hard to breathe
and even the air
is weighing me down tonight

there are stars in the sky
and i can choose tell you about them
or i can choose to tell them all about you

of all the things
that i have had a chance to learn
i have realised
that living
is exhaustion

i will always expect the worst
rain has always fallen

you're always returning,
even in the winter
i can see you peering through the clouds

*please teach me your ways

their screams are so loud
it makes my heart beat faster
but fails
to break the silence

Your worth cannot be measured
by the circumference of your waist
or the width of your delicate hips

And though his lips will plant onto yours
and others may call you revolting
it shall never measure your worth

And when it comes to valentines day
and the only roses you received
were the ones your mother sent you
It cannot measure your worth

Because your worth cannot be measured
you shall repeat it again
your worth will not be measured
by numerals,words, or objects
not ever
your worth cannot be measured
but you are enough, unbelievably enough

you give people flowers
for they create happiness
why don't you offer them you?

For you are everything
I have nothing to give you

But perhaps
you may still love me

Please,
I miss you

I'm stuck between scared or lonely
All i know is that it's better here with you

what does it take
to become a writer?
published words
or beautiful thoughts

It never spreads
like they always say-
It encases and envelopes

Because i live in a world filled with people
and there is only one of you

i do not want
to face tomorrow
so tonight
i will not sleep

because i see
the sun as the sun
and day only arrives
when i awake.

i am falling in love with the way he speaks
because he shouts
then he mocks
and demands to be heard
but then he listens
and he stops
but promises his return

You may not always see him
but i promise he is there
he will always steal your breath
but Death
i do not care.

This kind of sadness overwhelms without an alpha or omega

There is a summer
but even she comes with the rain.
Youre type of season
that never brings the pain

when they told me to define perfect
all i thought of was you
but i cried
punished myself -  i stood there and swore
because deep down i knew, you were always so much more.

i dont want to wake up anymore
i just dont

breathebreathebreathe.
can you hear me?
im begging you to breathe.

In my desperation
to understand your disappearance
ive mulled that word over in my maze of a mind
way too many times
i can no longer find its meaning.

And if i choose you
id be choosing the type of happiness
that comes with the cost of pain
but id choose you forever
again, again and again

they only appear when i shut my eyes
but id rather see them claw
from underneath my bed

whilst it's breath never brushes my skin
i still hear it's shrieks and cries
the others are still asleep

and id rather see and face my fears
than live in this wretched body -
because i promise you,

it never stops mocking my sanity

And i needed to voice my thoughts
but if i did, you would worry
so my thoughts shall remain thoughts
and my voice will stay voiceless

and inside i was a tide
but all they saw were barely ripples
and inside i was screaming
but no one heard me begging there

And inside i was a mess
but they decided that my hair was neat
and that i was already clean
because they didnt see the shadows lurking under my eyes
or the dust collecting in my thoughts

and when i wasnt even hiding
when i knelt down and prayed
you said that you were always there
but you never dared to answer me

because i am still ******* here
and though i beg for you to let me go
i wake up and my heart still beats...
i thought you were always listening

and inside i was dead
how i wished that the outside
would show it

my fingers will burn
and the tips may even char
but im reaching
and im reaching
for the second brightest star

i will be reaching,
and so will you
we dont care if it burns us
because the sun, is in view

though, my heart is beating
so loud i hear it in my ears
and though my wrists
may be painted blue


why does it feel like death?

though we were never taught,
we all smile
when we're sad