And who’s to say I’m not perfect?

What are you to know I’m not?

Say, I feel mad, Say, I feel anger

Why,some soul mate I turn out to be

Be unapproving, few cracks on a mirror

And my hands are *****

Are yours too?

oh, how jealousy becomes of me

yet, I am perfect, yet I am right

Yet do not feel fine.

I played her some songs I like;
She asked "why I like sad songs?"
I told her "because I like the lyrics"
Then she asked me if I'm sad
And I said "yes a little bit".
She said "why"
And that question made me
Even feel sadder.
I just told her "I don't know"
But in my head I knew
I just didn't want to tell her
I felt she was too young to know
Too young to know that
I got my heart broken
Into Pieces by this
Guy I thought really loved me
I still feel sad because
It hurts me a lot
And I live in this state where
He didn't do any of it.

That it's all a dream
And soon I'll wake up
And realize it isn't real
And in another world
I still feel that were together

I'm still stuck on Him
And I don't know what to do
I want to cry but no matter
How hard I try
Tears won't come out.
As if I ran out of tears
Or as if there's a wall holding it
All back.
I'm scarred

If I listen to happy songs will I be happy?
If, so please let my ears listen and
Fill my heart with happiness and good
With positive thoughts
And hoping to live another day without
Thinking about my broken heart
My thoughts scream and shout
Inside of my head
And I'm walking around
With a broken heart.
I was shocked
Yes. Because it hit me
With Irony
So I laughed a little bit
And cried some

I always had my doubts
I was just too ****
Stupid not to put it all together
Soon enough.
I seen and heard things
That made me think
Negative.
I assumed he was seeing or doing something else
With another girl
My gut was right
Something I Ignored
And I went along with my life
I should have trusted my gut
It was right all that time

He showed me all the right signs
And I was blinded
Because I wanted to be wrong
October 9 of this year
I wrote my true feeling down
I wrote how I really felt
And I couldn't tell him about it
Because I told him I'll never bring it
Up ever again

So I kept my word.
It was bottled up inside of me
I couldn't tell anyone
I didn't want them to judge me
I didn't want to hear negative
Things towards my feelings
I thought no one would ever understand me
I felt alone
I would cry and carry on
And cry some more
Until I just
Read it in his presence
And afterwards I
Spilled out everything.
All the things I had bottled up inside
Of me.
I spoke my mind that day.
And I felt closure.
Then Again I don't
Think closure is the right word

I was hurt
And tears were rolling down
My face and my tears
Were blinding me
And I took a napkin
And wiped them away

He never knew how I truly felt
Most of the time
But my words that day
I spilled out everything
That I had in my mind
He felt the same as I did
And
When I would cry in secret sometimes
I didn't want anyone else
To know I'm crying
Because I had so much bottled up
My heart would cry with me
When I'm sad.
And all those times I felt sad
He finally felt what I've felt

I just want to scream.
Let it all out. . .
Out what, you'll ask
& I'll say
This pain I carry on me
This burden
This thing I feel that lives
Inside of me.
It’s attacking me from the inside
Wanting to get out
Wanting to be free into
The Atmosphere
Where it would be free
Nothing less and nothing more
Just free

I felt times where I wanted to be free
From this sadness
Called depression
That he brought upon me

And now

I close my eyes, thinking
To myself
This is real and I have to except it
But I don't want to
And this is when I want to scream
Because I don't want to except it

I just don't
It's just so hard for me
I never thought this would happen to me
My heartaches. . .

So. . . . .

Play me some songs of happiness
Because I want to be happy.

The sun will rise tomorrow with that pure orange that fills the sky at dawn and awakens the birds who chirp us into semi-consciousness
And I will turn in my bed to face the darkness and whisper that life is magnificent
I won't remember that when I wake up

But it’s the subconscious thoughts that really count when the world is falling apart
We might lose ourselves and succumb to animalism but deep down we will always be there,
and what is more perfect than an object constantly at risk for breaking
We are these objects

Look in the mirror and witness your perfection
See the hands of god that once shaped your face embracing you still
Realise that you are bruised flesh and broken bone always healing and always being hurt
When aliens invade they will watch old movies and witness the archetype of humanity in each of us
They will wonder why we label each other when we all breath the same air and therefore contain bits of each other

Look in the mirror and realize you have done bad things but the beauty of life is that change is inevitable
For the good or the better
And that God probably wonders sometimes why he bothered making us

.



































                "It's ok. Just breathe. You're going to be alright."




























.

© 1-24-2006 J.L. Stevens
V1
Oh Mary do you see your Son
High upon the hill?
Your Son has come to this world
To do His Father’s will.
Behold the Lamb Oh Mary.
High upon the cross.
Behold the Lamb who shed His blood
To rescue you and me.

V2
He finds me in my deepest need    
When darkness comes around me.
He gives me peace in my soul    
And sets my spirit free.
I am baptized with His Spirit
He meets my every need.
Behold the Lamb of God
High upon the throne.

Chorus
Behold the Lamb of God
Who takes away my sin.
Behold the Lamb of God
Who cleansed my heart within.
My name is written there
In the Lamb’s Book of Life.
He is the great I Am.
The Savior of the world


Chorus

End
Oh Mary you are with your Son
The Savior of the world.