In a world full of people
Why do i feel so alone.
Nothing no longer feels like home.
maybe its because i am empty,
without you here.
i miss you to much,
you had a clutch on my heart.
since you've left,
im torn apart.
with every image of you in my mind,
im trying to forget you and youre stupid face.
your stupid ways,all you ever did was play.
but hey all you ever were was a heartbreaking player,
and thats all you will ever be.
but a part of me still loves you,
and always will.
Lonely days, even lonelier nights
Addictions getting worst,and everything really hurts.
Living days and nights in a continuous loop of heartache and emptiness
The euphoria of even looking at the beautiful stars at night it fading faster then my happiness,
Because instead of looking up at the stars and dreaming about brighter things all I can focus on is the black sky, the sad black sky, the blackness that fills me up, the blackness that takes over the good, if there so sick to my **** stomach not even the ***** can burn the pain away so instead I fill my lungs with smoke. Just smoke away the pain. Never lasts though the emptiness will forever remain the same, and ******* I'll never be satisfied with the mess I've made.
Im drowning deeper and deeper in a dark place,
drifting further and further away from everyone and everything,
god this isnt fun.
where am i?
why am i here?
Im filled with fear.
slowly getting dragged deeper and deeper,
its so hard to breathe in this place.
Trying to get my last glimpse of light,trying to hard to whin this fight.
im loosing it,im loosing grip,
my eyes start to close,
no more luck,
im giving up.
when i was young i couldnt wait to grow up
to do all the things ive wanted to.
most importantly i wanted to be happy
i pictured growing up to be perfect.
but that wasnt reality.
dissapointemnt fled through my body
when i finally grew up.
its was the complete oposite of perfection.
it was deception.
but after all i never really grew up
im just a little girl in a big bad world.
everyday people ask me what depression is like
id always anwer you wouldnt understand.
you wouldnt understand what it feels like to drown deeper in sadness everyday,
or how it feels to cry myself to sleep,and not say a peep.
you wouldnt understand the pain i hide behind that bright smile i constantly put on,
to hide all that shame.
you would never understand the cuts on my body,
people constantly telling me ive been naughty.
i constantly feel like im going insane,
what is wrong with my brain, im sick of hiding all the pain.
but most importantly you would never understand true sadness,
what its like to constantly feel sick,not physicly but mentally.
constantly having no energie, wanting to erase your memory.
but this is the reality of sadness
Its not that you're afraid of the dark, its that you're afraid of whats in it.
You're not afraid of soceity,you're afraid of rejection.
You're not afraid of looking in the mirror, you're just afraid of what you'll see.
You're not afraid of falling, you're just afraid to get hurt
You're not afraid to love him, you're just afraid of not being loved back
...and that is the reality of fear.
My heart is emptier than the bottle of ***** sitting on my windowsill. And those three words you said to me are burning at my throat again, and god I'm trying to forget you, but your touch is engraved all over my body. I feel it wherever I go. I can't even listen to my favorite songs without the reminder that you're gone. I can't even find beauty in the city lights the way I used to, that euphoric feeling I felt is gone. I guess when you left you took everything that I had. But that's okay because id rather feel nothing without you anyway.
The thought of you hit me again tonight, I really thought I was doing okay, it's been a few days now but my god the first three days I couldn't even stand up without feeling sick to my **** stomach, I popped a couple of pain killers the first night, and washed them down with ***** but it didn't stop the **** pain just made me drunk and the only thing on my tongue was your name. The second night I cut up my wrists just to make sure I could still feel, because my god when you left me the way you did I could've sworn I died, and I think the third night was probably the worst, because the thought of how you touched me and took the only thing I had to lose was burning up inside me leading to a pool of tears and this horrible feeling of emptiness, God I needed someone else's touch to help me forget yours. Unfortunately it was another form of self destruction because I knew that when I let this other boy in me the emptiness was fulfilled for a couple of hours, but as soon as I went home I found myself where I started alone and with a bottle of ***** trying to forget the pain.
You knew I was a mess from the start, but that didn't stop you from ******* with my heart, whatever I had
Left of it anyways... Told me pretty lies, looked me straight in the eyes those sad brown eyes the ones you told me were so beautiful, your favorite thing. but what about that bright blue eyed girl? The one you told the same lies to or was it the green eyed girl too? But point is you said you liked storms but you always loved sunshine more, honey you knew I was much more than a storm when you told me you loved me.
I've kissed more bottles than I've kissed you, but I never drink enough to forget how sweet your lips once were tracing every line, and every flaw on my body,
whispering how perfect I was for you.
I can't smoke enough to numb my body from the ache of longing for your arms around me when I needed them most. Or to ease the thought of how perfectly my hand would fit in yours.
But point is no matter how drunk or high I am, you can never numb a broken heart. Silly me I was warned you were a player. A stone cold killer, you killed me.
— The End —