041921

Gusto ko nang gumaling —
Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa utak ko
Paulit-ulit kong panalangin.
Pero naisip ko rin,
Kaya ko bang gumaling nang walang gamot?

Sa paghihintay kong hindi nakapila,
Sa paghihintay ko sa oras kong itinakda —
Sa oras ko nang pagsalang..
Gusto ko naman sanang
“Magaling na ako
Bago ako mag-undergo ng test.”

Naisip ko, sa ganitong estado pala’y
Gaya pala ito ng paghihintay
Sa pagbabalik ni Hesus..
Na ang nais ko lamang
Ay matagpuan Nya akong “magaling na”
Sa anumang sakit at sumpang dumapo sa akin.

Sa bawat pagsikat ng araw
At sa bawat pagsipat ko sa bagong buhay,
Ang tanging lunas pa rin
Ay ang presensya Nya..
Walang ibang kasagutan
Sa paghilom ng aking pagkatao
Kundi Sya’t Sya pa rin naman talaga.

Hindi ko naman pwedeng madalian
Ang oras ko tapos hindi pala ako handa
Hindi pala ako naghahanda
Sa pagbabalik Nya.
Yung wala pala akong ginagawa
Habang naghihintay ako sa pagdating Nya.

Isinasariwa ko kung ano ba dapat
Ang laman ng puso ko.
Dapat kasi hindi ako maligaw ng landas
Lahat kasi ng “dapat” maggawa ko..
Pero hindi eh..
Gusto lang ng Panginoon
Na maging totoo ako sa sarili ko,
Maging totoo ako sa Kanya..
Hindi ko kailangang itago
Yung mga kamalian ko sa buhay,
Walang pagpapanggap.

020421

Every time I write,
I sing the hymn of my spirit.
And every time I speak,
It’s Your breath that moves the mountains.

I thought my heart and my head know me better
Than any person ever will...
There’s not much to say,
But there’s so much to be written —
It’s like You talking to me.

033121

As I set foot on the shore,
Even the oceans tell me how uncounted the strands of my hair,
How unknown the future is,
And how life remained borrowed.

The waves just turned red —
Into anguish, into anger, into distress.
As if the battle has just started
And that the white flag has been waved already.

I pleaded for a discerning heart
To uproot the cause of such severe pain,
To make me pause & think a li’l bit,
‘Bout things I haven’t pondered before.

If I set foot on the rock
Despite the raging waters that communicate,
The uprooting of adversities.
Would I remain in peace?
Would my words turn into praise?
Would I still sing the hymn of my soul?

I stroll into the depths of myself
As if I’m diving the open seas —
Being a recipient of the open skies,
As my skin tastes the bitter rain.

I hear the ocean sprinkling its tears,
The weight upon his invisible shoulders,
Devouring my thoughts —
Captivating what I can.. what I must do.

I surrender as I sink in,
The words that come from my mouth.
The words that I should have spoken...
The words that I resisted...
For all of these —
Seemed to have never existed.

I forgot what I’m up to
And why I fought with my own will...
I surrender with the thoughts unclear,
With questions unanswered...
And it’s not “just” by faith —
It is by FAITH!

Every time I renounce my flaws,
The searching goes on —
Searching the presence of my Beholder.
And every time my “wrong” fruit is pruned,
It’s not that easy like resisting the oceans.

For if dying to self means reliance on the Rescuer,
Then I let myself float & not fight back.
My will I understand that it’s not my own —
At the very beginning, it has never been mine.

Let these crowns & pieces of jewelry of life
Be taken away from me;
But the joy, the peace, the love...
Let these remain.

Let Godly things remain; not just the “good” things...
So I can fully devote myself
In the process of surrender,
To the waiting & to being still.

His grace is sufficient for me,
Just like the waters that never run dry.
As I also witnessed the waters coming out from nowhere,
When He uttered, “Pour the bowl with water..”

May His provision manifest
In the ways, I have not expected
Like the moving of the mountains,
Like having faith that is unshakeable.

Now I know, that my heart belongs nowhere,
To no one but Him...
As I seek the highest peak of who I really am...
No one has ever sought me to save me...
Like what the Rescuer has done, not in vanity.