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Enter my Mind
Mind your step
Breath in Deep
For what you
See here
Hear here
May make you weep
May make you weak
May make you Wiry,
Wild and Fearful
May make you feel
Alive and Cheerful.
I have fallen more times over
Tried to kick a habit
One that would make most sober
Tried to break the chains that have long held me down
Tried in vain
But it's in my vein's to act the clown
I try to act proud
Keep ma head down
But the world catches up
And when I finally pick myself up
I'm thrown back down.
So who's listening now!
Who's speaking out loud
of foul rumors spread
half of them true
oh please yes lord
I'm trying to pull through.
But I miss my baby blue
I miss my baby who
Could pick me up whenever I was down
Now I'm on the wrong side of the equator
We say we see each other later
But I know it ain't so.
So I'll keep marching on
Boldly, Bouldering  singing my song.
Until I get knocked down and i'm finally gone
I'll just keep getting right back up again
still marching on
to the beat of my own song
I'm a saintly sinner
A loser
A winner
I've been deeply thinking
Of all those times I've been drinking
Of all the **** ups and jokes
I don't wanna choke
On a bag of coke
I wanna stand strong and keep marching on
Leave the behind those habits that have done me wrong





Will Shake up any preconceptions you may have
Naked bodies— blind,
Spark of ******, fingers light,
Eyes closed, lips seeing.
"You're cold."

  He said as he took her hands and he couldn't be more right and wrong at the same time. Her gaze simply fell to her feet as she let the silence envelop her. She felt cold, her soul quivering somewhere in the corner of her heart, obscuring its rhythmic beat and creating a swell of off tempo chaos in her veins. Her memory of his whispers were akin to the sudden rush of wind that hit her skin, wet with the storm of tears and caused chills to cascade their way across her body.
  
  But he was wrong, it wasn't she who was cold, it was him who was stealing everything that made her warm. Coaxing her with his silver tongue, murmuring the words he knows she wants to hear, testing his skill and bringing her to the edge of the flimsy fortress she calls defense, to where she's just barely out of his reach, a paper thin wall separating his will from hers, and he nearly giggles in delight when he causes her to tear it down herself, like a spider tearing down its own web.
  
  But of course that isn't enough, not when she's standing there, all walls down, vulnerable and tender, her heart so soft he could cut right through it with just his fingernails, and Hell be ****** itself if he wasn't the slightest bit temped to try because he knows how easily he can, like shoving a pin through a butterfly, simple and smooth, and it'd be so interesting to see her squirm. But instead he's interested in how far he can cause her to do it to herself.  
  
  All he has to do is let a few of his venomous words drip from his teeth, promising he isn't like everyone else (because he isn't of course, no one else would be this thrilled to watch her crumble so slowly ), that he understands, understands that she's so incredibly weak, and that her heart is so big it oozes to the surface of her skin for everyone to see, and it's so **** easy that she must be begging for it, and suddenly he's caught her and he loves it.
  
  She's hanging on every word as if he's holding happiness over her head, but this is boring him, he wants to see what makes her tick, how she is the way she is, so it's time to step up his game. He moves his hand from hers and slides it up her arm, resting ever so gently on her shoulder as his other hand moves to her waist, and as if to further prove his point about how she basically wears her heart as her skin it turns a rosy shade of pink, and sends its pulse so strongly he can feel it. He lets his breath ghost across her susceptible ears and pulls her against him as he gives his orders.

"Strip."
  
And she does.

First go the clothes, but her skin isn't what he's interested in, and he makes it very clear with the expecting look he gives her, so she goes again,tearing skin from muscle one piece as a time. He knows it must be painful, from the tears pouring from her eyes and how the exposed muscle throbs with its raw appearance, and yet the look of concentration on her face just pulls him in more, and yet it still just isn't enough, and finally that red disgusting throbbing ****** mess is pulled away to expose her shining ivory bones. He can't help but marvel in how gracefully they curve, the very core of her frame standing before him, she's completely bare with nothing left to expose, and that gorgeous  pearly figure before him is only more defined by the red  heart that's left behind those ribs, as it pulses and drips and beckons him with each flutter.
  
  It glistens like a slimy rotting apple, and it couldn't be anything more since it belongs to her. But you know what they say, fruit is always the sweetest just before it goes bad, and it's too tempting for him to not take a bite. And he couldn't help but marvel at how warm it was, or the sudden chills dancing down his spine.
Mommy said I'd love all boys,
But Mommy wasn't right.
I loved one boy for a long while,
But it didn't work out quite.
I found a new love, I swear it's true,
With all of the blue in the skies.
I didn't even stand a chance,
the second I looked her in the eyes.
Mommy said I'd love all boys,
But Mommy wasn't right.
I felt like my world was shaded too dark,
But my savior brought the light.
Her laughter chimes with the sound of bells,
Her eyes are brown and green
She acts like she's just so tough,
And her jokes are so obscene.
Everything that doesn't make sense,
Makes sense when she's around.
She has me falling headfirst into a freefall,
But I'll never touch the ground.
Mommy said I'd love all boys,
But Mommy wasn't right.
I can try to forget her and change my mind,
But her face is the last I see at night.
I've closed enough doors
To leave the past behind

I know your feet are heavy
And your heart sinks to your stomach
With shaking hands that can't be held steady

When you've lost your way
And your mind is filled with dismay

Seek through the rummage
The ashes and dust that remind you
of regret and disgust

Close the door.
when we were sixteen and in love, i remember you saying
"what if hope and fear are the same thing?"
i remember feeling scared when you said that
because for the first time in my life
i had to think about
the difference but i was hopeful
i would find an answer.

when i was nineteen and hopeless, i remember him saying
"he no longer wishes to speak to you or see you ever again."
i remember laughing at first, for i thought it was a joke
but it's almost been a year now and what i've learned is
that five years of love can vanish
in a single day
and you may never get a chance
to say goodbye.

but i have scars to remember the wounds that were
self inflicted
hope and fear were the stitches that let them
heal
i'm afraid of many things but i like to think
that hope is stronger, it must be stronger
otherwise i wouldn't be here
i don't think.
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