And soon- death
doses us with dreams
folding them with pale fingers
in our heads-
forget about my eyes
that day by day
spied your nakedness-
-forget about my hands
searching relentlessly upon
your perfect legs to find
the spot that made you laugh-
then with feeling that something’s lost
wander to places we’ve gone
only to find endless emptiness
hanging from heartless trees

if by chance you wake up early
offering your soul to cold breeze
I’ll be there quiet unnoticed
just like the highest hills
have stood without us for centuries
then look through me and
dreams be done
and soon- death
rises from the better worlds
to make us one and one

desperate me looked into windless
time of a day when birds rest in their nests
upon my blank mind silence spread
its flowery luminous wings
everything was calm as dust followed
the motionless moving of all beings
your gently hidden love disguised
by blue of the sky lingered just for a while
until perfectly stealing heart went on
to find more unlocked doors of happiness
and take slowly but patiently yet another’s hope
to love to live to believe

Falling star knocked the moon out of her course. There were floods and droughts. Somewhere above our hearts the sky was burning. We were helpless while universe watched. But it wasn't the worst that he's seen in mankind's age. He mildly remembers the times of war and hatred. Though however ****** the man was the anger seemed shallow to him. What he thought of was the million nights with starry skies made to make love. And while some did, others, like you and me, dwelled alone and empty inside watching the universe as he himself watched. The dark night showed only sorrowful face and silence lingered beneath the stars. Some thought about love that escaped their grasp, others felt lost caused not by the dark. And in both the universe saw the painting of pain as if souls could talk through their eyes. It is wonder that mankind thought the universe to understand the sole meaning of true solitude and despair. He came to realise that he too was the only one.

Shouldn't love in itself be simplest of beauty?

It is the circumstances that make it difficult, they say

But how do circumstances change love ?

Only love changes love

Every breath you take
I suffocate so you can breathe
Every small spot on your body
Screams for blood and so I bleed

When you fall I'm on the ground
To soothe your landing
Just to get you up again
Learning the lesson of giving

If I fell would you be there for me
Would you offer me your hand
Or would you leave me to myself
In this hostile hostile land ?

And if I told you I love you
Would you speak the same
Or would you look into my eyes
Leaving only speechless pain?

I speak to thee death
You know how much time is left
I fear her eyes get dark
And loveless the days
Go by leaving no traces on her face

I speak to thee life
Walking the time always ready to fight
I pray her lips remember my name
And careless the days
Go by but memories head the other way

I speak to thee my love
For I see the way you leave in the morning
I know your love is gone
And helpless the days
Go by until that one night you won't return

I speak to thee God
Knowing the absurdity of your existence
I say please redeem us
While lightless the days
Go by for me and for her the future shines

This rose is bare but for thorns
Dried blood once shed on its petals
Is forever gone lost in wind
While eternity hollows the unborn
On these stony shores
Where only flowerless roses bloom
And before anything starts
Everything is done
Before storm there is another one
And afterwards the sea is full of fear
For rain is mixed with horizon
(Ships have no place to land)
Hostile world in lost part of universe
Paints the hills above in darkened shades
Of black while birds fly until they tire
And fall from the sky to some shallow place
There is you blind and naked
And there is me furthest to close
When I touch you your eyes perish
And into the darkness everything goes
While in my depths unneeded soul howls
In this world of you and me only flowerless rose grows

To cry is to feel
And to feel is to live
And to live is to let go
After all I'm only
Flash and bone
Wandering worlds
Past yours alone
After all I'm only
Wind and sand
Aimlessly roaming
Until you're gone

And to love is to die

6th floor balcony
3am
1 finishing cigarette
No hope
Jump you fool
Jump until there's time
Jump until there's enough bravery left
Dignifying family future
Unspoken love's past
Jump until it's over
And the cigarette's finished
You leave the balcony
It's too late
Another chance wasted
Another life fearfully saved
But soul already in hell

For long I was not myself
My true form being only inside
Outside a scarecrow of pain
Smiling upon the world
Like endless vanity
Thundering in calm
Then (without even knowing)
You reached into me
(Into the corners of my
Forgotten soul
Into the heavy heart already
Bled to death)
And touched gently the roots
Of my very existence
Which started resonating inside
Like a bell chiming the end
Of pain
And my inside and outside
Became one

Now when I see you again
I will smile for you
But you won't know
I am awakened
A storm sprung to life
I smile because of you
But you don't know

She was but a spring
Angrily knocking on winters
Door covered with ice cracks
And once torn and smashed apart
She gave her blooded hands
To dry and sooth those moonlight palms
To kiss the fingers upon madness
To take her by the hand and show her the world
Cold and without meaning unprepared
Waiting for her eyes to show the sun
And smallest leaves and little flowers
Or to hear an unheard morning song
While time floats by the empty streets

A spring she was
For she knew not how to
But still melted people's hearts
To plant the seed of life that was
So impatiently waiting in the snow
To know all things that were to know
And once planted
Once melted
She showed a beautiful world of her own

Night and day
Sun runs moon limps
Sounds echo through
This supposed wasteland
Me being the motionless point
Of all the universe
Observer of known
Not understanding a thing
Absurdly absurd absurdity
Why this glass grabs that hand
What does unlock the rage
That makes us so violent
And love o love shinning everywhere
And nowhere is the love
Souls having been starved to madness
Jump hastily into her arms
Thinking of having found happiness
In a waterless pool
They hold their breath until they suffocate

Open your eyes to night and day
To sun that runs and moon that limps
To miles travelled and those yet to travel
Open your eyes to motion
To become motionless
And then dance the dance of absurdity
Become nothing and all
Dance like never before
On flames dance with bare feet
Always and never wounded
Heal your soul
Destroy it with hammerhead
Be one and none
Be for a second and then be gone

Not a single cloud in the sky
Only fiery miles away sun
And birds that can never stop
Themselves from flying
Or wanting to sing
My thoughts are the ones
Of an old wrinkled man
The one who is no more
In this world
Only perceives the time
Needing some space not to be
Questioned
To be left alone
Watching the setting sun
Or only to sit with closed eyes
Feeling all the fallen pasts
If only the world could wear silence
Though it seems as heavy burden
For life is no silent task to endure
Even when there is nothing living at all
And there is no one to hear the storm
Sounds of thunder reincarnate
The will to live as it stubbornly calls
For attention

*But gets none

It is now four and the stars
Are beginning to gently fade
The morning tools to eternity
To bring back horses of reality
To wake up this hostile sun
To separate us from hopeful dreams

I'm lying in the bed thinking
Of how I'll never see you again
But feel you beneath this face
Made of pieces of happier memories

It's always you who I make my tea with
Who I spend my days talking to
Who is no longer here
Only the darkness never runs
In which I stand like solitude hill
Afraid of dreams that lie
And then there comes the empty
Malevolent sun

Still the damage has been done

Do not give my words back
Because they are yours
(Because you are inexcusably
And they are the mirror)
Do not give my words back
For they are the pain
Washed over by summer rain
(Love lost found and lost again
In dirt Lying burning in vein)

Half moon there and
Half somewhere else
Even stars wonder
Only moon knows

How can people cross the night
Without a thought of suicide
When the only light is light
Of cigarette burning in fight
And the stars wonder
Of ones that are dying or getting older
Each day each night
Without a thought of suicide

Half moon there and
Half somewhere else
Even stars wonder
Only moon knows

How can people live through the night
Without trying suicide
Maybe it's the half moon gone
Knowing how it is to be alone
In this long dark night
Having only half a heart
For the other one left
With tears and screams
Hopes and laughs
To die somewhere inside

Come dear brothers and sisters
a generation to come
not with iron chains
and tedious talks of freedom

Come you children of Sartre
and even of Nietzsche
for we head for common ground
whilst they only feed on war

Come forth spirits of the love age
full of Buddha and compassion
for ours is a time to come
theirs exhaling its last breath

No love for
war
        nation
                    hatred
                               racism
overcome prejudice to live in peace
maybe even be sad for a time
but never cause harm
never cause death
never wish ill
compassion
to all
.

Yesterday the other man
cried bitterly absorbed by
solitude of his blue eyes
Today I smile warming
charmingly (hiding cowardly
in the depths of nowhere
above the clouds under
the sky) people who know not
(do not want to know) about
the clash of storm and light
while stillness remains intact
Yesterday the other man
jumped from the bridge only
to be welcomed by gentle
perishing touch of river god
who gave him his life
(even though death was asked)
Today I fold my freshly dried
clothes and hide them on
the highest shelf never to be found
Yesterday the other man
ran and disfigured his soul
to not understand love’s call
Today I try to find something
I lost but forgot what it was
just roaming through back alleys
with hope for touch (but it
is already far too long)
Yesterday the other man
lied in my bed and through
closed eyes he saw woman beloved
in flowery dress with silent hair
barefooted luminous and fair
his dreams betrayed him once again
for in the morning she was never there
*Today I wake up alone
afraid to die
not knowing how to live

I met her by chance
Beneath her black glasses
She hid sad beautiful eyes
Her lips firm only sometimes
Gave me a pleasure of smile
But still it was sweetest of times
When she talked I couldn't rest
Hanging on her words
In my head and in my heart
I felt colliding of worlds
And soul long lost showed
Itself lifting me from Earth  
My limping life shed a spark
And I knew everything was right
I couldn't believe before
But I found love on first sight
She was sceptical and mocked
Me if I'd remember my love in the morning
But I did and it was only growing
Though I felt she was broken inside
As I was before I met her
I wanted to help so badly
To show her there was something more
In that moment and place
She wasn't listening and did drugs
And I did too to hide the pain
For every moment with her
I wanted to come again
Neither kiss or touch was shared
But it pulled me to her even in
My sleep I cared for her
For her I was mad

Gray suited mad man sitting
in an armchair with blue eyed
sight beneath the depth of words
lit his and hers cigarette and releases
the smoke desperately imprisoned from
its birth by mouth by lungs dissolving
in the space of sickly white walls
where it mixing with presence
it passionatly dances in ephemeral
lustfully mediocre air
He said
in the morning I was a corpse
impatiently waiting for time to
breath into me a smear of life
I washed my hands I smoked
I turned on the radio and let
the music flew its way to an end
I had a glass and then another
and another until I thought it
safe to finally put on the mask
of smiles and unchanging
incarcerating compassion that was
supposed to dwell in all of us
She smiled
suspiciosly touching her hair
as if she could not tell whether
she liked him or not
She asked
if this face of yours which is never
to be found in the sketchy mornings
is not in fact your face, then what
do you wear it on? Don’t you suffer
from suffocation
from overheat? Don’t
you want to live as free?
He smiled
raising a glass to his false lips
that taste so much of a sin but not guilt
He said
something so cold does not mind
the sunshine and that which does not
breath the lack of air
I wake up dead and leave the house living
but only to an untrained eye for
hollow can see another hollow
trying to hide itself in deceptive depth
my eyes are the mirror into which you
cannot look for you do not understand
the important unimportance of birds
multiplying each year just to multiply
or of trees that grow and are cut down
no matter the time when woodcutters
step on gentle summerbreeze
you say it is so it is
and others it is but it cannot be
drowning their lives in never changing
reality achieved by praying and LSD
they fear what I have to say
it is not and it must not be
He fell silent
reaching for another cigarette he
realised she was puzzled
She said
but isn’t it you who drink all day
just to forget the scenery of pain?
He smiled
He said
and isn’t it you who give yourself
to all those men to hide before
an unreal reality of nothingness
She shrugged
for he was right that it wasn’t
disarable to drunkenly watch
and name the colours of the rain
Nothing else was said
he paid and they left
afterwards they lied in his bed
he smoking a cigarette
She said
don’t tell me that there was nothing
you have felt for your heart was
racing with your breath
He smiled
thinking
but have you seen my eyes darling
O you poor deceived woman
only they tell the truth hidden in
the hollowest corner of the blue
that lifeless soul cannot be fed
that simple mask to put on in the morning
cannot enliven the dead

I could give you twenty golden doves
to fly around your paths
I could be your guarding hound bitting
the thieves creeping by the door
I could be your lover with flaming eyes
kissing you gently upon the night
I could build a house for kids and us
to cook and tell the stories of the past
I could start the fire in our hearth
when it would be cold on your feet
I could make you laugh on stupidest
jokes tearing the darkness apart
I could calm the tear tempest
when everything would go wrong
I could play any tone to sooth
your soul (I could sing any song)
I could give you my clothes
when you would be wet from the rain
I could love you forever
I could spare you the pain
I could be with you every single day
and night (even when the sun
would cease to shine)
But the decision has been made
and there is just one thing to bade-
-that you would be happy without me
so that death can silently await
my homecoming to meet
you in another prettier life

a mirror
a shinning lamp into
your heart
someone who you
conquer your dreams with
a stimulation for mind
giving
just enough life for your soul
to bloom and
enough hope
to give more

I can't give you my heart
For I do not own it
My feelings etcetera etcetera
Cold in the sun flying
Undisturbed by birds
To forever more
To somebody else
My soul lingers alone
Temper the beast
Slowly moon speaking
Its part in the game of night
Love is etcetera etcetera
Your hair longing for
Some drops of rain
Warmly your hands touch
My desperately scarred mind
Fire burns
While it shiningly rains outside
Of our hearts
The light
The light changing ever
So fast without notice
Being alone is permanent
Ephemeral a mere illusion
Appearing lustfully in our lives
The day is done
Your lilac eyes are shut
Showing no colour to the world
And I watch the rain
Thunder lightning a play
Of God deadly and beautiful
I see emptiness but I may
Only be looking inside myself
For the world is imposing void
One time and overcrowded
Silly small and painful the other
My feelings etcetera etcetera
I couldn't give you my heart
For if I owned it
I'd give it again to her

It’s funny how expectations change
First I wanted you to leave him
then just to see you was my bread
and now the prayers that you’d write
but you don’t mind darling
happily walking through life
with him and words that once
were something more that themselves
became blown by the wind
or never were what I thought
So he is your remedy now
and mine is the insanity
clinging to me drowning
me as if it was honey
being normal in my absurdness
When drinking I cry
mortally wounded
I smoke green cones
just to be higher in my lowest
still feeling nothing increasingly
submitted to time and time only
If I walk I walk to you
you are my dreams and music
while each morning wickedly
brings reality unchanging
that I’m with you without you
each night I watch the sky
with innocently simple question
but such as moon closing brings
forth the planet’s tides
stars and sometimes even clouds
don’t know about it
as they don’t know the answer
or who’s asking
and frankly they don’t give a ****.

do what you want to do
why
a white lie
click
tie around neck
bring madness to the world
help
bring love to our hearts

Lifeless
lifeless are those mountains
and meadows beneath the horizon
Lifeless is the time and yet
forever speeds into the void
I and not I for my body is to be gone
and mind always elsewhere
present in the past but never
with us straying among the stars
Lifeless is the happiness we feel
suffering just a mere illusion of the soul
(what’s the point in laughing into the sun
and crying on the moon? )
Lifeless
lifeless is the darkness and so is the light
feelings wandering all around
to hit us and tear us apart
Lifeless you are
Lifeless I am
I and not I
only the world only the void
and love that sparks all fires
Lifeless is all

I go where the trails lead me
The wind blows this body to another town
When all the world has failed me
(As I have failed the world)
Into the unknown I go

I wait eternity
Eternity I wait
I
the last autumn’s
colourblined leaf
The last soldier
when the war is won
I wait
for the golden suns
and eclipses deeper
cutting into fragile
little woesome souls
I
the knight unsurprisingly
mistaken and betrayed
with blood on my hands
Oh so much
Oh so much
I wait
tears coming down from
cheeks and the rain
that washes them
stirs them with the
Earth’s silent cry
everything’s quiet
Heavens fall
I wait
for a prophet of new
age to bring us down to ash
for love that was once promised
from the God
for you who pledged your heart
to me and instead only took mine
I
nameless faceless genius
a mask of smiles
with tearful eyes
darkness in darkness
I wait for light
(but it never comes)

I don't want to be with all these people
I'm waiting for you
On this shallow face painted
False smiles
And beneath only pain survives
I want to be with you now
Tomorrow in a week ten years
Lifetime and all the lives after
But I won't
The decision is not mine
You've moved on
And with these people
I'm alone

Stars (vibrant fragrance of light)
Follow me on a path
Made of stone and memories
(Some of which are forgotten
But for the road and flowers)
To the Unknown in this darkest
Time of black blue sky
(The moon a slender smear
Painted across the universe)
Torches cold left me blind
Gently without a sound
(Air heavy falling upon the land
Watching and waiting its time)
A star or the tip my cigarette
Implying the dark in vein
(In vein words all which were said
And done and timely executed)
Barefooted the souls of my feet
Hard walking on a cold ground
(Blood shed by sharpening stones
Black on black in ravishing dark)
No milestones to show me the way
(No way at all in this night
Until morning calls for light)
I'm heading to and from the point
In the world that I do no know
But slowly patiently humbly
I'm moving on from nowhere to
Nowhere
From you to you

Silence of going home
Birds dead hanged from
Trees and trees dead
Black white ash
Land where prophet died
Preaching suicide
To which many committed
But never wholly on their
Own together into the abyss
That wasn't filled with light
For centuries (nor tomorrow
Will freshen its hungry dry lips)
To which I fell and the silence
Took me for its own
And where two once stood
There was me the silence one
And you the silence in the sun
So far away it doesn't even care
For its beams to *** to these
Parts of dark dark universe
Prayers forgotten people mistaken
For shadow in its own land
And the birds hanged from trees
Or electric cables not used
For so long it doesn't even matter
Prophet killed new day born
Soul hidden under layers of hate
And love o love nowhere everywhere
Forever never there (not there)
We and us and them watching
Falling calling using loving dying
End

I watch you sleeping
in the morning
with little drops
of dew on your eyelids
the sun shines dim
through closed curtains
you breath as
gentle as universe spins
miniature birds fly
for us but dare not sing
as to not disturb you
their goddess of the Earth
and I look at the
center of my world

A little wooden doll springs
to life each night in my dream
in a wooden box hung
over firing hearth

Soon it’s gonna be over
and I would help but my
skin is glued to the chair
ripping it with flesh if I move

I’m crying and bleeding
from somewhere of my chest
where the tears are poison
coming to the hole in my heart

Eternity later helpless knocking stops
and life is taken by flame
that rises and slowly
fills the lightless room

It’s strange though for I’m
certain I see everything burning
but the world
just feels so cold**...

Light gave itself to the blind
(forming the tones of a rainbow
in front of their souls)
but they did not know it
and being scared and scarred
by many a sound or touch
in their eternal night
forced on them in simplest
evilest waves of rain
(and choruses of thunder)
they rejected the perspective
forever in their halls of shadow
each one separately dwelling
on cold stones of time
with wheel spinning round
the world as explicitly
as the moon and the sun

Then when the Light left
in search for open shores
they felt a backstab on the
top of their spines (a gentle
pich that span their believes
out of line with the dark
in their hearts) but it was
just the closing starless night
(and it was far too late )
that brought false order
back to its unworthy place
(where it was then and now
and will be unchallenged
alone)

Nothingness and nothing else
Young and old locking the doors
Pills designed to numb the pain
Mixed with *** and Mary Jane
No one's in there ever again
And even if you hear breathing
Don't mind it, don't bother knocking
It's just that wicked corpse
That drove the soul away
It's just that poisoned mouth
Wishing in whispers to die today

Say the prayer child
don’t mind the world
lives are lies
ash and flesh bloodied
words empty whispering
to God’s deaf ear
save us

O father I have sinned
witness wind heard me
say you don’t exist
matters not present nor past
words empty whispering
to God’s deaf ear
spare us

Do I dare disturb the universe
from her dreamless sleep
while fathers fight for their rights
children die, mothers weep
words empty whispering
to God’s deaf ear
please overlook our sins

We learned nothing but
giving words to our feelings
eternal pain of loving forever
metamorphosis of killing
words empty whispering
to God’s deaf ear
please leave a massage
God’s not here

You left me in your
                                     web
then
         made another one

Once in the summer
when the moon ruled
over the lands of men
with her silver law

you said
love is a perfection
so I hid my pain
deep inside where
it was impossible to see
but it remained with me
each time I smiled
it tore my castles down
each time I cried
it hungrily drunk the tears

you said
love is the end
so I fell silent wandering
in the stars for answer
yet when I looked
into your eyes there
was no end in them
nor the beginning
and the spark you had
was no longer to be

you said
love is the absolute
So I stopped believing
in you for I knew
you lied (even to yourself)
then the pain came to
surface and you saw
my struggle by own eyes
took the brightest of stars
and tangling it in my hair

you said love is us

I walked the street
for a dose of black rocks
('cause there was nothing else
but the moon and sun)
and I froze seeing you
in front of me smiling like rose
I hugged you and kissed you
cried and joyed
But it was only me dreaming
On the floor
dying
overdosed

You thought there could
be no worse than leaving

(but for an endless suffering
of mine standing there watching)

You probably don’t think
about me anymore
(as spring about winter
and winter about fall)
But tell me
in the deepest of nights
do you ever wake up
feeling the calling
far from your sight
(and sight of any man
life or even meaning)
do you ever start crying
because the tears from
miles and miles don’t
let you free yourself
from burning (in the
same time dreams
of you were cut
from my heart—
—the reality so painful
and shiningly suicidal)
but don’t worry please
for
the stars and the trees
and the world is
the beginning for you
(for me the end)