To former me,
From starry eyed idealist
To hardened cynic -
I corrupted you.
I turned you into what I am
And I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I couldn’t meet your expectations;
Somehow it hurts the worst
To let you down.

To former me,
The plan you made was perfect
Until I took it
And turned it to ****.
I’m sorry I failed you.
You had such big dreams-
But failure is much more terrifying now.
I’m sorry things changed,
And I wish I could tell you
That I’m happy.

To former me,
I’m sorry I left you behind.
The me that is writing this
Is new and foreign to you.
Sometimes I think you’d be glad,
You’d love my confidence, my creativity,
My theories, and my style,
But at this very moment,
At this.
Exact.
Moment.
I think you’d hate me

There are so many letters I never sent,
Stuffed in their decaying envelopes,
Words etched onto the paper
Like drops of blood
Thinned by tears.

There are so many things I never said,
Words that dried up on my tongue
Like a flower shriveling,
Crumbling away
Til nothing’s left.

There are so many thoughts I never shared,
Each one circling round my head,
Begging to be the first domino
In a cause and effect
That’d change my life.

There are so many things I never did,
Actions aborted by my cowardice,
Little things I wanted so bad-
Your head on my shoulder,
Your hand in mine.

There are so many letters I never sent,
That leave me wondering, wishing,
But in the end, it’s safer this way-
Wondering, wishing,
But not knowing.

When I look up at the stars, I see you.
And it hurts.
They seem so far away,
Thousands of light years,
Millions of miles.
Untouchable.
They shine so bright,
Perfect and golden,
Burning and eternal.
Beautiful.
But only from a distance-
How are they up close?
Fading and falling?
Imperfect?
I can’t tell what I love;
Whether I love them
Or their glow from afar.
Removed.
When I look up at the stars, I see you.
And it hurts.

“I can fix that”
Glares out from the glowing screen
As if your lack of a relationship is a problem.
It’s because of people like you
That I’d rather be alone.

“I can fix that”
As if you’re an object
Broken and in need of repair.
There’s nothing wrong with me;
I’ll repeat it ’till it’s true.

“I can fix that”
And you start to think,
Maybe they’re right?
Maybe there is something wrong,
Maybe I should give it a try.

“I can fix that”
Drills and bores into your brain,
How nice being normal would be.
But I can’t be fixed; not by you,
Not by anyone.

“I can fix that.”
That leering smile etched into your mind,
As you shy away from the touch.
Can’t you understand me?
I. Don’t. Want. Y.ou.

“I can fix that.”
You want to scream; you’re not project,
Not an object, not broken.
*Or at least I wasn’t broken,
Until I met you.

I used to think love was a weakness.
It was a devastating curse
Which infected everyone I knew,
And turned them pining, sad,
Vulnerable.

And then I thought it was fate.
It was an inevitable trial,
That some could survive,
Some could fight,
But few would win.

For a time, love was strength.
It was the source of energy,
The breeze in the heat,
Or the charm of the night,
Something beautiful.

But then, love turned bitter.
It was laced with hatred,
Pierced by jealousy
And cries of the heart,  
Poisoned tears.

But now I see that love is torture.
It’s the weakness that saps strength,
The fate that you can’t escape,
The bitter pain tainting the words,
“I love you.”

And the worst part is, despite it all,
That I do.

I wish I never met you.
If only it were so simple;
To wish away the tears I cried,
The pain that came
From missing you.

I wish I never met you.
It doomed from the start;
The reasons piled on and on,
But the final straw still
Cut like wire.

I wish I never met you.
You forced open my eyes;
Made me see that I’m broken
And soon everything else
Will follow suit.

Please don’t say you love me
Because if you do
That would change
E v e r y t h i n g

Please don’t stay you love me
Because if you do
You wouldn’t have
A n y t h i n g

Please don’t say you love me
Because if you do
You would lose
E v e r y t h i n g

Please don’t say you love me
Because if you do
I wouldn’t say
A n y t h i n g

Please don’t say you love me
Because even if you do
I don’t love
Y o u.