Once again, I have been robbed,
and that which I needed the most
is now in the hands of fate
My eyes have begun to self dilate,
unable to open and unable stay closed
I am hidden yet very much exposed
Sleep has somehow
become a dream of the past
I have been robbed of my senses
unable to feel or taste
anything other than
an empty space;
anything other than exhaustion
Perhaps I shall fall;
maybe then I will be able to sleep

Quietly, I sat there
in that big, black chair,
the one she always sat in
and out of nowhere,
I watched dad cry
Pools of tears
all 69 years
shown on his face
crumbling
mumbling
my heart breaking
as he cried for the wife he lost
He started reciting
her every last words
what she wore
and how she felt
I sat there quietly
in that ******* chair
the one she always sat in
and out of nowhere,
I watched my daddy melt
Not knowing what to say
or how to feel
Never before felt
so helpless...

Something new arose today
bloomed right from a stem life planted
A friendship fresh between unknown world's
between the pages of a book seen slanted
Not at all normal
yet completely right,
seeds from words featherlight
a friendship new
right from a stem life planted

Today met yesterday
a little too early this morning
Sleep still floating in my eyes
like clouds in the skies
hesitant to clamor open;
not at all eager to embrace the day
Eager more to slumber the quiet away
Weekends are hard, harder I think
This time then, before she left
we would be planning an adventurous trip
Midland, Abilene, Dallas perhaps
A getaway to simply relax
and treasure every moment spent together
Today baseball game, and then another
a city kids event and movie later
Another day with the kids
but without you
Miss you mom,
today, everyday

The silence has settled in
In a plea for noise,
I scream from my heart
but only my ears can hear

Life is slow moving now;
slow to begin and crawling to end
My mask is fading
and I can no longer pretend
that everything is okay

It's not okay, I'm hurting
but I no longer feel alone
and although this is not easy;
and very hard to understand,
so many have reached out to me
to help me and to hold my hand
So many that wants to help me accept

Everything is not okay
but I no longer feel alone

Clouds bunched together
in a somber embrace,
sheilding themselves with
raining showers
just like the ones that
that fell to my face,
just like that morning
after her funeral
Streaks of lightening,
and a thundering storm
fearless showers
out of the norm
hiding the tears now streaming
down my cheeks
Tonight the winds howl;
the rains pound against my heart
as another was taken from this earth;
another family torn apart
Minutes into hours
I lie awake, grief stricken;
for me, for them
for the tears
that stream down my cheeks
and the pillows soft they fall on;
the pillows that have now
become my shoulders

What became of the bubbling brook
that was once the laughter of my lips
and the tickling humor I always had
and the sassy way I would swing my hips
Where did I go
I cannot be lost in my nitingale dreams
for it has been ages since I've slept it seems
I'm no longer singing in the rains
or flying in planes
to meet my knight in shining armour;
although he waits for me patiently
for even he can see
that I've simply lost myself in grief
It would be so much easier to reprieve
but he's steadfast by my side
waiting for this phase to subside
But I'm lost
and nobody is able to find me