For you I would mature twenty five years in a day
Just to let you see the gravity of the words I say
For you I would build a stylish invisible cloak
Just so if you wished to hide like flames behind smoke
For you I would willfully wrestle brutish alligators
Just so I could hear you speak of how you'll see me later
For you I would build all new things about me
Just so you would see no shattered shards or defeated debris
For you I would be Frankenstein's experiment
Just so he would inflate my heart to that of an elephants.

You with a giant heart accept me for all I am
Whether my name would be Peter, Clark or Sam
You did not need me to change anything at all
There was nothing I could do but tumble and fall
You don't mind my current maturity levels
Or how I'll laugh at the word ***** devils
You seem to accept me for, well just me
And with you I feel there's no one else I need to be.

Love and stars are alike, they are both true
But I think the beauty of both things lie with you.
Repeating myself of love that flowers and bloom
like an echo that never fades in volume.

I stopped counting my heart beats
When I know my heart could count on you
And this is the last of today's word repeats
**"You will always be in my heart and I love you."

they get mad that you treat them the way they treat you.

She described me as Tom Buchanan.
She immediately said that I wasn't violent like him,
but that I could easily be him...
I could easily show his side.
I could be brutish and abusive
and dishonest and an adulterer
and greedy and pretentious.
I could be all of those things so easily.
It's as if a switch goes off in my brain that says,
"Hey, let's be an ******* today."
I don't want to be.
I don't want to be seen as Tom Buchanan.
I don't want to be the man who hurts so many
and truly loves so few.
I want to be so much more than that.
I don't necessarily want to be like Daisy or Jordan or Myrtle or Nick or
even like Gatsby himself.
I want to be like myself.
I want to be the girl that I'm meant to be
and I know that I am not right now
nor have I been for quite some time.
I just want to be the woman God made me to be and
I'm tired of being such a catastrophe in the making and
for ruining and hurting those around me.
I don't want to be that girl.
I don't want to be like Tom Buchanan.
I want to be me...
The real me.

*...who am I?

I stare up into the night sky in admiration
Little twinkles forms many constellations
Each with its separate formed definitions
And I hope I'm not stuck in repetitions
           But
You are the most beautiful star out there
Your sense of humour is very very rare
My immaturity still exudes from my being
But the deeper parts others aren't seeing
You saw right through my external facade
And dislodged pieces of broken shards
Of glass that tampered with my heart beat
And this I surely will always forever repeat
...
You are the most beautiful star out there
Your adorableness in the way you care
Your playfulness that brings upon a smile
You've made everything reform like tiles
From the shattered pieces of my heart
Reshaped into something sweet like a ****.
You placed tiles and tiles of me together
Forming a picture that looks a lot better
Because the picture now has you in it
And maybe this time it truly is infinite
But even if time stood completely still
You'd move stars through rocky hills
Just so they would shine over us
You'd turn iron and copper from rust
And maybe this time, through all the stuff
Truly everything you do for me is enough...

You are a spectre haunting my mind and heart
Your presence looms over me every instance
You stood on your toes creating a shadow over me
To prevent the scorched sun from singeing my flesh
You held your heart while grasping at mine too
You dipped ink to the skies so it remained blue
Lit flames across your skin just to spare me pain
Fell on a thousand razors all aligned like a train
Just to see me be fine once more.

I can't keep it all hidden
Taking secrets after secrets
Till I become bedridden
Holding onto regrets.

I want to know when I let you go
You'll still see the beauty in snow
And when you let go too
I want your skies to remain inked blue.

Your adorableness knows no bounds
And one thing I have truly found
There's a part of me that wants to tell you
That I want to be one rather than two.

I won't let go of you, not ever
But some bonds become sour and sever
So I can't promise you eternity
But I can promise you my love is forever for thee.

I need not know what thou could do for me
But only what mine heart could do for thee.

"I was just a kid, I didn't know what to do... so I did nothing."

*"That's not true... you survived."

I saw a world in your eyes
Broken pillars, dilapidated buildings
Dead batteries, and broken ceilings.
I saw a painful burning empty sky
I saw little boys and girls cry
I saw all losses no winning,
Children death and soldier killings
I saw the pain inside your eyes.

I held you together from crumbling
And as the skies started to clear up
I saw volcanos reverse erupt
And the ground wasn't rumbling.
In my arms, you saw a future with me
And all I could see the seeds of a new tree.

I'm still afraid
       I can remember every detail
Of how my childhood derailed.
      I remember the last moments
He was in the hospital bed
      I could remember mum being there
As he lost more than just his hair
      I could remember his cousin
Rapidly pressing the emergency button
      I could remember the nurses yells
He was too sickly to hold a smile
      But I could remember his eyes
As they start to turn white
      And the shine start to taper off.
Mum in tears held my hand
      As he breathes his final breath.

I don't tell people
      Simply because it isn't a fun story
But I remember every detail
      And I tell people I've forgotten.

Another time I remember seeing him
      Hunched over the sink combing his hair
His once filled thick hair head
       Reduced to tiny fuzz of what it was.

I don't tell people these stories
        I tell them of my fun life
I tell them everything good
        I make jokes constantly
And I tell myself I've forgotten.
        Forgotten every detail...

People tell me I should refer to him
        As dad.
But sadly I have no real fond memories.
        And even with a full retention memory
I have no memories
         Of any quality father son moments.