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May 7 · 81
๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐—ผ๐—ณ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ถ๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—บ ๐—ฎ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ถ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป. ๐— ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ผ. ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐˜๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐—ธ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฎ ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ธ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—œ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ. ๐—œ๐—ณ ๐—ฎ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐—ป'๐˜ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—บ๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜, ๐—œ'๐—ฑ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜†๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐˜ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜„. ๐—ฌ๐—ฒ๐˜€, ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ผ.
๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐—ผ๐—ณ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ถ๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—บ ๐—ฎ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ถ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป. ๐— ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ผ. ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐˜๐˜‚๐—ฐ๐—ธ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฎ ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ธ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—œ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ. ๐—œ๐—ณ ๐—ฎ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐—ป'๐˜ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—บ๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜, ๐—œ'๐—ฑ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜†๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต๐˜ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜„. ๐—ฌ๐—ฒ๐˜€, ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ผ.

THE DAY I NEARLY DIED FROM A MONKEY-BITE - I was
petting my monkey lovingly like I always do when a
hurricane hit suddenly. Wisely, I pushed him away
but not quickly enough. Out of total simian fear
he bit me on the ankle so I killed him and
sold his carcass to local monkey butchers.
May 7 · 59
DOGE
I've noticed that on Facebook marketplace recently, people are writing $1,000 ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ, which means $1,000 or more than $1,000 as ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ $1,000 is a better offer. It's uncommon for anyone to offer more than the asking price. It's doubtful that someone would offer $1,200 when the asking price is $1,000. Facebook Marketplace is not an auction house after all. It used to be that people would write $1,000 or best offer, meaning: an offer that's obviously the closest to the asking price yet, expectantly less than $1,000. And of course, there's the confusion that many folks have with the decimal point. People believe (incredibly) that .50ยข is the same as 50ยข and will argue the point. Any number that's to the right of a decimal point is a fraction of a whole number. A dollar is $1.00 and half of a dollar is $.50 (also known as 50 cents) and a dollar and a half is $1.50 (also called a dollar-fifty). The novel .50ยข would be half of a cent (penny), while 50ยข is 50 pennies. I don't agree with the notion that public school teachers are underpaid.
I'm trapped in a loveless union with sixteen Sumatran string
bikini models and I'm miserable. I wish I was in East
Pittsburgh where the hail is bigger than the Eiffel
Tower and the women are clap-
ridden *****-skanks.
East Pittsburgh is a borough in Allegheny County, Pennsylvania, United States, approximately 11 miles (18 km) southeast of the confluence of the Monongahela and the Allegheny rivers at Pittsburgh. The population in 1900 stood at 2,883, and in 1910, at 5,615. As of the 2020 census, the borough population was 1,927,[4] having fallen from 6,079 in 1940. George Westinghouse erected large works there which supplied equipment to the great power plants at Niagara Falls and for the elevated and rapid-transit systems of New York City. Nearby, the George Westinghouse Bridge over Turtle Creek is a prominent fixture in the area, which is very near the borough of Braddock.
Mister Bob, with the extra scoop of ice cream it'll be three dollars and sixty-seven cents. What?! Three dollars and sixty-seven cents?! That's outrageous! Prepare to die! Just kidding. Here's three hundred thousand dollars. Holy Christ Bob! I thought you were going to **** me for a minute there. Thanks for the three hundred thousand dollars. Now I can get my ****** surgically tightened.
(the extra R's are for dramatic effect)

Great Pyramid of Giza-sized hail fell today on East Pittsburgh causing minor property damage. "Well slap my *** and call me Bonnie! I ain't never seen hail like this before. We got hail last year that was the same size as the Washington Monument, and I thought it couldn't get any bigger than that!" Mayor Tyrone Jamaal Jackson, Junior exclaimed.
HOW TO TREAT DEAD SECTIONS OF YOUR NECK [Sorry, but I like my popes really ****. But hey! That's just me.] - When you're alone or by yourself is the best time to treat dead sections of your neck. Take my hand and together we'll become hand buddies, always eager to lend a hand. Take my foot. Look at how many toes are on it. Feel the magic of my other foot. Drink the wine that flows from my winery of ecstasy like when a soldier returns after a war to kiss you passionately on the lips when you're not looking at him.
Long before tires became radial, women without common sense roamed the land: tumbling down steep embankments, eating noodles in the ****. One day, sixty and a half trillion centuries ago (or thereabouts), a youthful woman (no older than 31) took a swim in the Amazon River alone, without her friend Tina. Tina was a plump gal with long blonde arms and a small philtrum that made men want to have lunch with her till she puked. "Tina!" Mona called, concerned but not frantic. "I have a lovely bunch of Mexican men for you, 50% drug dealers, 34% junkies!" Later, after Tina washed her ******, she walked off a cliff and was okay because it wasn't very high up and the ground was soft because several ponies just took a gooey **** there.
It's a sledge-hammer, not a birth-control device Tanya! You can't
pull rabbits out of a hat that weren't there to begin with! Here,
take this lawn mower blade and tuck it into your bikini
******* like men in England did with swords a long time
ago before lunch boxes were invented and chant: "Starsky
and Hutch! Starsky and Hutch!" till your bra rots off.
Each time Mary would bend over in black
bikini ******* Dan would smile because
he knew that after his promotion he'd
have enough money to buy black
bikini ******* for himself, so he
wouldn't have to waste valuable
time looking at her anymore.
May 5 · 46
๐—™๐—ข๐—ฅ ๐—ฌ๐—˜๐—”๐—ฅ๐—ฆ ๐—œ'๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด. ๐—œ ๐—ผ๐—ณ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐˜† ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐—บ๐—ฒ. ๐—ฃ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฒ! ๐—œ'๐—บ ๐—น๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—œ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜†!
๐—™๐—ข๐—ฅ ๐—ฌ๐—˜๐—”๐—ฅ๐—ฆ ๐—œ'๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜๐—ถ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด. ๐—œ ๐—ผ๐—ณ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ผ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐˜† ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐—บ๐—ฒ. ๐—ฃ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฒ! ๐—œ'๐—บ ๐—น๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—œ ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜†!

May 5 · 235
๐—ง๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—•๐˜‚๐—ฑ๐—ฑ๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฑ ๐—ฅ๐—˜๐—ฃ๐—˜๐—ก๐—ง ๐—œ๐—ก ๐—ง๐—ข๐—ฅ๐— ๐—˜๐—ก๐—ง! ๐—ง๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—•๐˜‚๐—ฑ๐—ฑ๐˜†? ๐——๐—ผ๐—ป'๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—•๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ๐˜†? ๐—ก๐—ผ, ๐—ง๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐—ฑ๐—ฑ๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ฒ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฑ ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ, ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ณ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐˜€, ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—น๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ด, ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—น ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐—ถ๐—ธ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ถ ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜€.
๐—ง๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—•๐˜‚๐—ฑ๐—ฑ๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฑ ๐—ฅ๐—˜๐—ฃ๐—˜๐—ก๐—ง ๐—œ๐—ก ๐—ง๐—ข๐—ฅ๐— ๐—˜๐—ก๐—ง! ๐—ง๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—•๐˜‚๐—ฑ๐—ฑ๐˜†? ๐——๐—ผ๐—ป'๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—•๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ๐˜†? ๐—ก๐—ผ, ๐—ง๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐—ฑ๐—ฑ๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—น๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ. ๐—ช๐—ฒ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฑ ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ, ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ณ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐˜€, ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—น๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ด, ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—น ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐—ถ๐—ธ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ถ ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜€.

May 4 · 44
SAM WALTON WAS GAY!
It's Homosexual Day at Kmart! Kmart?! They're all gone! So? Kmart isn't just a business, it's a frame of mind, a mental concept where homosexuals can come together for 24 hours! Have you never wondered what the world would be like if more people shopped at Kmart? No. Me too till now. A world of loyal Kmart shoppers could sink Walmart. No more bowing to Sam Walton! No more hiding your homosexuality in Walmart's garden department! Yes, a world where a man can be a man with another man. Let's pray to the god of our choosing that every day be celebrated as Homosexual Day till we get hit by a Mack truck going 85-miles-per-hour.
May 4 · 48
OUR BED-BLED LOVE
She tried to ****** me when I wasn't looking and a little bit when
I was. Our love for each other was so warmly affectionate and
affectionately warm that when she ordered me
to climb down off her *** I did so eagerly.
Well, of course, I'm no Dalton Trumbo, but I'll give it the old college try. Great. You'll need to limit blood-flow to the back where the nerves are clustered. Okay. What about the anterior fallopioids? Well since ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฅ๐˜ด isn't a word, I suggest that you concern yourself with the uterine tubes or oviducts. Alright already! Climb down off my ***!
The waves pushed ******* Cody and Bosie to end their forbidden love through drowning. "Cody! Quickly! Before the waves get me! Use the crate of vibrators as a raft!" Bosie ordered because he almost got into the army once. "Okay!" Cody answered as a row of brutal waves stripped him of his underpants. "My underpants are gone for good," he lamented while preparing the crate of vibrators. Later, after the waves stopped coming, each man thanked God and told God to tell Jesus who was out of town at the time.
Did you see that ***** movie a long time ago about Julia Roberts
falling in love with a ****** who inserts gerbils up his ****?
Me neither. It looks pretty good though. Maybe I'll see it
one day after I have exploratory brain surgery.
It didn't take long for Wally to fall for 2 big-*****/water-retaining
Siamese twin women with horrifying glandular problems.
"Hey, ******! Look what I got! 800 pounds of twin
lusciousness!" Later, after ****** puked
awhile, Wally ran off to Bermuda with
Clarence "Lumpy" Rutherford.
Leave It to ****** is an American television sitcom that follows the misadventures of a suburban boy, his family and his friends. It starred Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers.

CBS first broadcast the show on October 4, 1957, but dropped it after one season. ABC picked it up and aired it for another five years, from October 2, 1958, to June 20, 1963. It proved to be a scheduling challenge for both networks, moving through four time slots (Wednesday through Saturday evenings) over the course of its run.[1] The series was produced by Gomalco Productions from 1957 to 1961, and then by Kayro Productions from 1961 to 1963. It was distributed by ***** Studios.

While Leave It to ****** never broke into the Nielsen Ratings top 30 in its six-season run, it proved to be much more popular in reruns. It also led to an unsuccessful 1997 film of the same name.

Premise
The show is built around young Theodore "******" Cleaver (Jerry Mathers) and the trouble he gets himself into while navigating an often-incomprehensible, sometimes illogical world. Supposedly, when he was a baby, his older brother Wallace "Wally" (Tony Dow) mispronounced "Theodore" as "Tweedor". Their firm-but-loving parents, Ward (Hugh Beaumont) and June Cleaver (Barbara Billingsley), felt "******" sounded better. Conversely, Mathers has said that the real reason for the name "******" is that one of the show's writers, Joe Connelly, had a shipmate named "The ******" in World War II; from that came the family's name, "Cleaver."[2]

******'s friends include the perpetually apple-munching Larry Mondello (Rusty Stevens) in the early seasons, and, later, Gilbert Bates (Stephen Talbot), as well as the old firefighter, Gus (Burt Mustin). His sweet-natured-but-no-nonsense elementary school teachers are Miss Canfield (to whom ****** declares his love in the episode entitled "******'s Crush") (Diane Brewster), Miss Landers (Sue Randall) and Mrs. Rayburn (Doris Packer), the school's principal. In the early seasons, ******'s nemesis in class is Judy Hensler (Jeri Weil).

In its first season, Wally was in eighth grade and 12 years old, while ****** was 7 and in second grade, a five-year age difference; in real life, the two actors were only three years apart. By the series' end, the boys were inexplicably only four years apart, with Wally graduating from high school and ****** graduating from grammar school. Wally is popular with both peers and adults, getting into trouble much less frequently than some of the other characters. He letters in three sports. He has little difficulty attracting girlfriends, among them Mary Ellen Rogers (Pamela Baird) and Julie Foster (Cheryl Holdridge). His pals include the awkward Clarence "Lumpy" Rutherford (Frank Bank) and smart aleck Eddie Haskell (Ken Osmond), the archetype of the two-faced wise guy, a braggart among his peers and an obsequious yes man to the adults he mocks behind their backs. Eddie often picks on the ******.

The family lives in the fictional town of Mayfield. ****** attends Grant Ave. Grammar School and Wally attends Mayfield High School (after graduating from Grant Ave. in season one).
Just in case you want to sue let me correct failing parts of your face
with injectable botulism food poisoning & sand-based silicone glue
after I probe your ****** like an obstetrician whose patients are few
in number & big in faulty mitral valves that render normal lips blue
in number & big in prolapsed mitral valves that turn ready lips blue
on O.P.M., *****, oh *** hem, Opie stem, spiced in scale-red stew
cooked by nit-wits psychologically dim-witted by the Nancy School
way back when being that way was the way that kings chose to rule
as thrills evaporated in watery places & pushy ditzes had much pull
May 2 · 27
A GENTLE WIND
BLEW THROUGH
THE ***** HOUSE

cooling the sweaty ******. Agnes, a youthful ***** and ex-lesbian
in her fifties, counted coins on the floor while Tammy, also an ex-
lesbian, took a penicillin capsule "just in case." Business was
definitely off, probably because of the new ***** house across the
street that featured free ice cream. "We should have free ice cream,"
Agnes said to no ***** in particular. "Shut up you dumb *****,"
Tammy growled like she didn't like Agnes, not even a little bit.
Do you self-love yourself more than twice a week? Can you self-love yourself without batteries? Can an ex-lesbian enjoy the pleasures of self-love at a lesbian convention? Will you take your wig off so I can see your 666 birthmark? โ€‹โ€‹I guess your wig isn't coming off then?
May 2 · 47
THE POPE BUSINESS
And then to demonstrate humbleness and humility, the pope concludes the service by wiping the *** of a beggar. What? He finishes by wiping a beggar's ***. I don't think so. He has to. No, no, no! He doesn't wipe a beggar's ***. He washes his feet. That's dumb! I don't see how the pope shows humility by washing his own feet. Not ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต *******! The feet of a beggar! Oh?! And then after washing the beggar's feet he wipes the beggar's ***?! No! He does not wipe the beggar's ***! He only washes the feet! Honestly, I don't know where you get your info! A Catholic girl told me that the pope wipes a lot of *****, and I believe her because she wanted to become a nun and practice wiping ***** herself. She wiped mine twice for fifteen dollars. You're a ******!
Becky's 17-inch growth-spurt troubled me so last night, as she slept, I surgically removed her pituitary gland to check hormone levels. Normal. That's a relief. "Honey, I dreamed you performed surgery on me," she blurted. We both laughed, me not so convincingly. "I must tell you, I removed your pituitary gland last night," I admitted. Surprisingly, she was not surprised. "I suspected as much. Well? What did you find?" She asked sincerely. "You're normal," I reported. "Good. You know I trust you. Will you be surgically removing my other organs in the near future?" She asked between sips of tea. "Yes, but only because I deeply care about you," I replied.
Free oak firewood with bowel movement. Now performing: Frankie
Valli & the Four Bowel Movements! Cat needs good home with
bowel movement. Vote for Donald F. Bowel Movement. Only
you can prevent forest-bowel-movement fires. Tonight on
channel 4 it's ๐˜›๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‰๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ ๐˜”๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜Ž๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ต starring John
Bowel Movement Wayne & Glen Campbell. Em-
ployees must wash hands during
bowel movement.
Which brother of the famous Osmond Brothers is the
most mentally *******? If you guessed Merrill
you would be right, followed by Jay and Alan.
I was married to a fireman for 56 years and he was very attentive. I agree Shirley, my husband was a fireman, and he always knew how to douse my womanly desires. My fireman boyfriend would grab me like a **** and make sweet love to me for hours and hours until I was totally worn out. One day, while I was eating a cookie, my fireman lover cornered me behind a dump truck and for the next 3 minutes we enjoyed the pleasures of ****** ******* together and with his brother.
May 1 · 21
THE ALASKAN MYSTERY
In northern Canada, every time a girl scout dies of old age a cookie is shot up into the sky. In Alaska nobody cares because they hate girl scouts a lot. My friend is a girl scout and while she was in Alaska a polar bear tried to eat her. Fortunately, she had a sword and cut its testicles off.
May 1 · 26
THE DAY JESUS DIED
I'll never forget the day Jesus died even if I live a long time. We were watching ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜™๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜š๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜š๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ when reporter Eric Sevareid cut in: "Jesus has been crucified." My mother, who was very religious, cried: "I can't believe it! Who would do such a thing?!"; "I'll bet it was the Romans," Dad opined. "Me too," I said because dad was usually right about such things: political assassinations, economic issues, trade sanctions, etcetera.
WIKI: The Corwin Amendment was a proposed constitutional amendment that would have prevented the federal government from interfering with slavery in states where it already existed. Proposed by Ohio Representative Thomas Corwin in 1861, it was a last-ditch effort to avert the Civil War and preserve the Union. While passed by Congress, it was never ratified by the states.
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