“𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗺𝗮𝘀?” 𝗦𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗮 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘂𝘀 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱-𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗢𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿 𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗲'𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘆 𝗻𝗲𝗽𝗵𝗲𝘄 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗽𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘀é𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲. “𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝘆 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝗴𝗮𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲-𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝗦𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘀
𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝘆 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗺 & 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗺!”

He's known as College Boy, a young do-gooder with a superior education. What's he doing here? Waiting for the opportunity to put his college-training to the test. But how? By saving us from ourselves. You see, College Boy has a heart that's bigger than the vastness of outer space and he means to use it to rescue men and women who have lost their way. College Boy sounds like an amazing individual. What's he doing now? He's urinating behind that garbage can over there near a large oak tree. Is he married? No. He's a homosexual. That's too bad because I could love him in a non-homosexual way of course. Yes, 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦.

If Elvis hadn't crapped out in 1977, would he still be alive? Possibly. Of course, he could've crapped out in any year since then. Did Elvis ever have spinal surgery? No. Could Elvis swim faster than a dolphin? No. Is it true that Elvis wore a ****-strap lined with mink fur? Yes, but only after midnight. Could Elvis speak Dutch? No. I read that Elvis liked women with large vaginas. Is that true? Yes. Could Elvis sing underwater? No. Nobody can, *******! My uncle could before he drowned. If Elvis were the president of Mexico, would he be able to speak Mexican? Unlikely.