𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Jun 23

I'll never forget the first time I drank a glass of tap water in the woods with Jimi Hendrix. I was living in the woods with stinking, ****** hippies when a hippie poured for me a glass of municipal water. Even though I didn't see what the big deal was, I've not drank city water since. Is that Jimi Hendrix? No, it's only a rotting oak tree stump. ****!

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Jun 22

MY BOYFRIEND WAS DYING so I took it upon myself to donate his ******* to the Salvation Army (***** donor division) when he was in a coma. Miraculously he recovered and now lives a life of vibrancy and purpose. He just doesn't have a *******.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Jun 22

UNDER MY SWOLLEN TOE is another swollen toe fused to the upper one. How the **** did that grow there???!!!! It's like a mystery wrapped in an anti-lesbian Christmas card blessed by Jimmy Swaggart.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Jun 22

“𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐏𝐲𝐠𝐦𝐲,” 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐲𝐠𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐠. “𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐏𝐲𝐠𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐠!”

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Jun 22

“𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐏𝐲𝐠𝐦𝐲,” 𝐦𝐲 𝐏𝐲𝐠𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐠. “𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐏𝐲𝐠𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐠!”

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Jun 22

LARGE FEMALE HELICOPTER PILOT in search of tall ex-lesbian from Wyoming, or some other stupid place, to share good times. No porkers please.

𝑺𝒖𝒛𝒚 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 Jun 22

BEFORE AND AFTER EVERYTHING

that happens often and infrequently, I throw caution to the
wind and the nearest ****** through a hula hoop. It's
always crowded at Dairy Queen during ******
Month, especially after a train derailment.