****-FLAP VIOLATION - What's wrong Donna?! A gynecologist grabbed my ****-flap! Where?! Behind my thigh. No, I mean where at?! Here, around back. No, I mean in what place? In a clinic? Yes, at the Donna Reed Memorial ****-Flap Clinic. Are you alright? Yes, just a little sore.

The lesbianism in this movie, 𝘊𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘛𝘪𝘵, is really nice. The way Carla fondles Klara's injured toe after she falls off Flowers, the horse, made me want to cry. It was genuinely believable. And the nun, Sister Marta from Cuba, is so understanding. She really "gets it" when it comes to profound lesbian love especially between two women. I had no expectations that a film could capture the warmth and eroticism of Trula J. Maytown's original book, but I was wrong. This movie will be a classic one day, and our grand nieces will turn into lesbians after seeing it.

GET INTO A HAPPY MOOD BY HIRING BIG FRED'S BIRTH-CONTROL COMPANY! Are you tired of getting pregnant a lot? Would you like a cheap way to get out of it? Then hire Big Fred, the owner of the best birth-control company in the world and say ******* YOU FILTHY ***** ****! to every Medicaid obstetrician you meet from now on.

An internationally-acclaimed diamond salesman will enter your life with two poodles, each one bedecked (or decked out) in internationally-acclaimed diamond-studded dog collars that are more beautiful than a Sumatran teen beauty queen with no scruples in a revolving round bed like Hugh Hefner had in his mansion. The diamond salesman will ask for your hand, but not in marriage, but for a hand experiment that's painfully worse than what the Judean Mafia did to Jesus because He was God's best friend. You must run away from the diamond guy like a gazelle with a bladder infection, or your hand will be amputated!