Mary felt lower than five hand grenades in an elephant's belly when Terry left her to **** godless Vietnamese farmers in Cambodia. "Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!" She yelled after him as he loaded his soldier's uniform in the cab's trunk. "I will!" He yelled back with total confidence like he was John Wayne dropping huge bombs on ****. Two years later Terry was gravely injured when he fell into a grave. Mary rushed to him and donated a kidney, a lung and her left *** for good luck. Just a few months later the 2 of them were swiving like monkeys on ****** in the back of Manny's Laundromat.

Several years ago, on the way to the bathroom, I sprained my ankle. So? From that injury I lost it all: my 34% ownership of the Panama Canal; 3 tons of gold; free plastic surgery for life from Fred's Plastic Surgery Clinic. So, what's ahead? Because I found Jesus, I anticipate a glorious future with mountains of love from fat women and a complete recovery of my Panama Canal stock.

"Family of woman decapitated in Utah national park by swinging gate to get $10 million in damages" - FOX News - A federal judge ruled Monday that the U.S. will pay $10 million in damages to the family of Esther Nakajjigo after she was killed in an accident at a Utah national park in 2020.

Despite what historians write, Elvis did not record a cheerful album of songs to honor his grandmother who was eaten by cannibals in 1940. "She was a delicious woman with huge knockers," he said at a cannibal convention in 1962. Later, after the drugs wore off, Elvis realized his mistake and killed 4 people with a machete in a bowling alley.