TO GET ATTENTION WEAR A BIKINI WITH A BIG HOLE IN THE ***! The first guy asks: "Did you see that chick in the bikini with the big hole in the ***?" And the second guy says: "No. Where is she?" And the first guy answers with: "How the **** should I know?!
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THE FIFTEEN FINGERS OF DEATH! Pass the petroleum jelly because I'm about to push out a big one. Here you go. Save a little for later. Okay.
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PART 2B: You're like one of those civil war guys who throws up on people sleeping on the beach. No I ain't. Yes you are. I saw you poking that chick in the *** wearing the bikini with the big hole in the ***. That wasn't me. That was my Siamese twin brother. Where is he now? How the **** should I know?!

THE SWOLLEN ROCKS OF ***** PROLONGS ***-BREAKS while the suffering of suffragettes knows no end, no satiety, because there's hapless defeat on a Kansas City street for purveyors of big pig feet meat and for the cowboy drinkers of any Canadian lean **** drink in a mega-mean war scene that sails on a team-death stream with an obscene Irish queen.

EDITS: On page 7, paragraph 6, I changed: "Toby realized that it was time to wake up and smell the used toilet paper" to "...coffee." On page 19, bottom of paragraph 3: I replaced "dog turds" with "money" in the statement: "Helen spent dog turds like a drunken sailor."