I'm so happy to be a rich communist. Today, I'll be shopping at a communist shop with my friend who's a communist. His name is Ivan and he loves communism a lot. Last week, during a communist holiday, he and I celebrated communism alone in our super-luxurious mansion with our friend Oprah Winfrey. She's a chubby black woman from the United States.

Hello, I'm Fred Bitchman of Snow, Holiday and Bitchman here to wish you a joyful Kwanzaa like I'm Bill Cosby or Whoopi Goldberg having an asthma attack. Please accept this declaration of love or I'll **** you and grind your bones to make my bread after you're almost 100% dead and more brittle than an acid-washed skittle dissolved in the rotted corpse of Malcolm X. Little.

I'm 45 million dollars shy of raising 100 billion dollars! It's important that I reach my goal NOW!!! As of this hour I only have ninety-nine billion, nine hundred and fifty-five million American dollars. Time is short. Won't you please lend a helping hand? It's not just for me, it's to fight crippled children. Together, we can defeat them!

Bobby loved Mary since they were in an orphanage together run by their parents. Even when Mary was dying from a snake-bite Bobby was there eating pizza and smiling through his tears. One day, when it was raining hard, Mary got pregnant all of a sudden. Everyone at Pizza Hut (where she worked) was confused because someone had secretly put "confusion powder" in the pizza dough. Later, after the baby was born, Bobby went to Canada for 3 months to relax and do some swimming alone with his new girlfriend Claudette. Mary was devastated because of an incurable disease that robbed her of her mobility. All motor function was lost, and she couldn't even go to Pizza Hut without a fancy wheel-chair. By then she had gained considerable weight in her *** and was awarded ten million dollars by the *** Club because they loved her so much that they gave her a fortune (tax-free). Bobby found out and returned "to get in on the action" but it was too late because Mary had moved to Yugoslavia even though it was called something else by then. THE END!

I knew I had it till I lost it and found it before having a hemorrhagic stroke that could've killed an ordinary woman like nothing. Thank Jehovah or Jesus that I had a Bible tucked under my bra to stop the ex-Kmart manager's small caliber bullet. Things couldn't be rougher for certain people; certain people with mental problems that are easily remedied with a guillotine.

Brenda packed her Toyota Corolla's trunk with several grand pianos and nine riding lawn mowers. "There's not enough room for your Harley," she told her father whose look of disappointment was so sad that she had to put him in a nursing home immediately.