Clara could hardly face Steve again because of what happened in Albania when they were dating. "It was your idea to fly to Albania for lunch last August!" Clara exclaimed in her defense while Steve picked his nose with a pencil. "That's another thing!" She yelled in a high voice that totally perplexed Steve in a confusing way.

My dead mother's friend Gene loved World War 2 a lot, more than his grandson loved ******* and ***. One day Gene was in the yard killing a mole with a rake when Jimmy, the grandson, brought over an enormous birthday cake that read: "Happy Birthday Grandpa!" The cake was from Publix. Jimmy didn't shoplift it. It cost $15. Lots of junkies are caring people who love their grandparents a lot. A few days later there was another mole in Gene's yard and, out of the goodness of his heart, Jimmy smashed it flatter than a pancake with a shovel.

Are you going on vacation with your boyfriend? This is a good time to use the menstrual cycle "speeder-upper"! It's fast! It's fun! It's like eating ice cream in a haunted house.

"Just a minute there," Hanna Barbera said to her normal gynecologist, "you're not my normal gynecologist." The gynecologist smiled, his big yellow teeth reflecting natural sunshine like bikini models eating breakfast in France do. "I am your normal gynecologist. You just don't recognize me because I had my nose straightened. You see, it all happened 44 years ago when I was a wee lad in Canada. My father was a tall man, 7 feet high, and my mama was a ******, no bigger than a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich. Well one day, while I was having my left thumb cut off by the Mafia, the Korean War started again. I rose to my feet and ran to the army department to become a gynecologist. Years passed and my thumb slowly grew back on and now I'm the greatest gynecologist in the world and women love me a lot."