The casket rolls by, far up ahead
and chorister's choirs sing the dead
to rest.
Those who are left behind, left awake,
to find solace on Earth within another.

Far from their mother,
brother,
sister,
lover or
other.

They're left to suffer above the ground,
fruitlessly searching for the sound of
a heartbeat,
a whisper,
a sign,
that once more they might wipe off
the grime of dirt and earth,
watch a rebirth,
feel a kiss,
a hug
a brief second of love
again from the person they
have left.

The death that has left them bereft
of everything.

"Without them, there is nothing."

I want you here,
want you to stroke my neck
and kiss away the thoughts
from my head, turning the
tossing water to calm,
clear ocean,
the fog lifted and turned to
clarity.

Want you to hold me in,
tight, yet so terribly soft,
scared to break me.
Hold me tighter, so
I can never leave
the safety of your embrace.

Block out the world,
what need for sun
should I possess when
within your presence
your caress can lift
away any cloud?
Rain droplets brushed
from my face,
a single ray of light
left to play through
my hair.

Possess me.
Not violently,
but with absolution,
your arms a perch in
a caged world.

Thank you for the self doubt, today.
I was too shocked to retaliate properly,
it seemed too obvious to say
the words that I wished to.

That I am not you.

I'll not make your mistakes
I won't choose those men
the type you forever chose
time and time again.

I'm not you.

I am filled with self consciousness,
low self esteem,
my trust issues are high
and my confidence is not what it seems.

You made me a wreck.

I'm not you,
I'm paranoid and
suspicious and
tense.
Always waiting in
suspense
to pull up my
defences once
again.

But, I'm not you.

I'm always going to try,
I'll always have to
trust with
reluctance,
but trust I must do.
I am not you,
I'm going to find
happiness, this
I know is true.

I'm going to be with someone
who doesn't make me scared,
instead one who comes to my defence,
one who does not glare me into a corner.

"She was not like the mother who bore her"

Romantic I may be
but ignorant I am not
I would rather rot alone
then jump into bed
fully besotted
straightaway.

I'd rather wait and stay
wary. Rather
worry about their lateness
of arrival
then get on the first ride
I see.

What was it you wished me to be?
Stop being scared about your mistakes
and allow me to be me...
After all of that I think I know who I want to be.

Partly you
Partly Dad
Partly memories
Partly friends
Partly family

but, mostly and absolutely

Me. Why is this so difficult for you to see?

I stand there, avoiding the instance of your coming
letting the noise drown my thoughts
allowing the wind to remind me to move on
restricting any word to escape my mouth

But my senses always got the best of me

I feel you
My skin could not contain it's longing to be held again
I hear you
My ears immediately focus on your husky voice
I smell you
My nose has never been so familiarized to a scent
I see you
My eyes lose control but manage to cancel everyone else in the room
I almost talk to you
My mouth chokes and reminds itself that I am its master
I let this mutiny pass with the exception of my words
Restraint is our motto
But I guess I couldn't avoid the unplanned rendezvous of our eyes

You're coming closer
Your eyes filled with determination
filled with comfort
filled with happiness
While mine remain the total opposite
You comfortably say, "How are you?"

How dare you

You managed to make my mind lose it's control once again
You have manipulated it to reminisce a tormenting past
Something I thought I have trained it not to do
Ruining my scripted response of "I'm fine"
Messing up the story line in a matter of three words
My eyes are telling a story
I hope it's language is foreign to you

My eyes
I recall you saying it was my best asset  
And often I would close it, an action I'm restraining at the moment
You know I closed it when you touched me
Setting my skin ablaze with the feeling of security
I closed it when you carelessly said "I love you"
Making my gullible heart get too attached
I closed it when you cuddled me
Wanting to get lost in the moment
I closed it when you kissed me
Hoping the feeling will last forever
I closed it when you stopped all these
Wondering what I was doing wrong
I closed it when you were texting someone else
Dying to know who, but afraid to ask
I closed it when you lied to me
Wishing you would take it back
I closed it when you left me
A moment tattooed in my vision
Open or closed, I see it
And others see it too

Your question remains unanswered by words
I will not close my eyes
Not this time
I'm just staring
Directly at your beautiful pair
Half-hoping you see it too
My eyes that scream "Save me"
Louder than what my lungs can reach
For this is the most effective way to respond

Everything made sense
And my senses were playing along
But you walked away naively
And what hurt me the most was the fact that
You
read
my
*eyes

She couldn't remember the last time the sky was blue
And the grass was green

Her agonizing screams
Left unheard
All because you were at fault
For the scars under her sleeves
And the blood going down the drain

She longed for the blade to take her to the other side with
One
Swift
Slice

She tied the rope
Took the pills
Sharpened the knife

Yet still
No one noticed

Where is she now?

Still hanging
Just waiting
For someone to care
Just enough to bring her out of her darkness

I'm pulling you out
I swear I will
I refuse to sit by and
watch you will
away your precious hours
and minutes.

The solution is there,
we just have to find it
and see it.

I'm pulling you out
of the dark hole you
have found yourself trapped within
so suffocated by darkness
you have missed the rays of
the light

Look up, you'll find the sun yet.

First, you must want it.
Not in a 'of course I do' way
but in a truly irrevocable
hunger for freedom

fight for yourself
I dare you to try
You don't know how
much it hurts
to watch another loved one
wish themselves to die.

So, allow yourself to cry
upon my shoulder
once in a while,
you know you shouldn't
hesitate to dial when
you wish to smile
among us, once again.

But, when you go whence
you came, try to smile
without us.
Catch a random bus,
meet a kindly stranger,
find new friends,
mend old bridges,
live whilst we are absent

Do it for yourself
Shelf the old ****
and bring in the new,
***** planks of wood
together (oh my) and
build your heart a home.

Find a new link to freedom,
a new place for happiness
to roam.

Find it, call something new Your Own.

You deserve Happiness
so take it,
you can (YODA).
Imagine all the
monsters have
ran away,
they're too scared
of you
to bother you one
more day.

SAY ******* TO THE *******.
Rawr at them
shout
demand of them
to get on, out

Out of your mind,
out of your bed,
out of your head.

you are stronger than they
have led you to believe.

You are not beyond retrieval,
I beg you to give your all
to yourself.

You belong to you,
we all love you,
but you must accept and
care for you and your
health,
or else what's the point
of anything else.

(And be warned: if
you give up I'm hunting
you down and
annoying you eternally
because I refuse to let
you ******* and
leave me ;) )

My old boyfriend
used to wear a very
particular
(yet very commonplace)
aftershave.

Now and again
I'll catch a molecule
of it in the air -
in a club
or a lift
or a supermarket,
and it doesn't comfort me
at all.

No, no,
it doesn't comfort me
at all.

It’s like crossing paths with a ghost.

I found it so jarring
that it
inspired me to swap
my usual cologne
for a lesser known one,
which I mix with
another
uncommon fragrance
to create
my own
blend.

Girly?
Indeed.

But if I die
no-one will ever
be startled
by my ghost.

(Not unless
they know
which colognes
to mix.)

1.

I'm on my fourth
pack of cigarettes,
my twentieth cup
of tea,
my mouth tastes like
the gusset
of an unwashed person's
negligee.

*******, phone.
*******, door.
I don't even know
what you're for
anymore.

2.

A copy of a copy of a copy...
who said that?
who ******* said it?
No! Train your brain, Arthur!
Don't you dare Google it!

3

I can already feel
the lights of the
hospital
warm on my
head.
Make me a brew, ladies,
save me a bed.

4.
Why didn't anybody tell me
that it would be so hard
so instantly?
The last time
if I recall
it took two weeks
before the curtain call.

5.
I think I need to dream
to be reminded of
pretty words.