Did that make you laugh?

nicholas-scratch Poems

I’m a walking insult. I’m a piece of **** I’m a ******* mistake.  No, that felt too dignifying.  Is that more than what I deserve?  Did that make you laugh? Your jokes describe me too well.  I nod with every letter said.  I feel my face flush scarlet  So ashamed I change —  real defining clue of myself —  like a snake skin sheds. I want to be dehumanised.  I want to be violated  I want them to forget me.  I want to be an empty vessel.  I want to slit my throat.  I don’t want your warm affection. Now my dreams echo hollow. Every night, my head against the pillow, revising every morsel I swallowed, hoping there is no tomorrow —  As I walk to join the hanging bodies in the gallows. They laugh and frolic in the sun with their slim waists. You say I’m kind. Considerate,  but I just want your validation.  I’m a narcissist to the core.  Hope I’m not the bile in your throat,  or the acid that burns your hollow heart.  Did that make you laugh?