When I am by myself
I just sit there
My eyes unfocused
Completely trapped in my mind
As I feel my chest sink
And my heart breaking
I realize
I am alone
The three words echo
Louder in my head
Than a broken glass
In an empty auditorium
I have waited
For calls that never came
Love,
That was never given back
I believed
I could love other people
So much that I could one day
Eventually
Love me too
But when everyone you love leaves
Apart of you, leaves you
too
Even if they come back
I continue to greet them
with open arms
But never forgetting
And Always reminded, Every time
No matter how hard I love
How much I give
That I am easy to let go
People see me whole
But every time
I look in the mirror
All I see, is everything that’s missing
I fill my holes with lies
And short term happiness
It’s easy to not notice
What’s missing beneath the surface
If all I choose to show
Is my smile
But not the pain behind it
The twinkle in my eye often
Confused for happiness
I avoid superficial conversation
But lack the words
To say what I feel deep inside
I am mute to expressing my pain
Sober,
I drown myself in people
To silence my own mind
Until once again
I find myself alone
Unable to hold back the tears
Of how much
I cannot stand
To be left by myself
With my own thoughts
I don’t have trust issues
I have abandonment issues
For I consistently convince myself
That everyone I love will leave me
Like they have
So many times before
And honestly I understand
To look at myself
From someone else’s shoes
With an insiders perspective
And given the choice
To leave me...
I probably would too
Aug 3, 2020
Aug 3, 2020 at 10:49 PM UTC
When I am by myself
I just sit there
My eyes unfocused
Completely trapped in my mind
As I feel my chest sink
And my heart breaking
I realize
I am alone
The three words echo
Louder in my head
Than a broken glass
In an empty auditorium
I have waited
For calls that never came
Love,
That was never given back
I believed
I could love other people
So much that I could one day
Eventually
Love me too
But when everyone you love leaves
Apart of you, leaves you
too
Even if they come back
I continue to greet them
with open arms
But never forgetting
And Always reminded, Every time
No matter how hard I love
How much I give
That I am easy to let go
People see me whole
But every time
I look in the mirror
All I see, is everything that’s missing
I fill my holes with lies
And short term happiness
It’s easy to not notice
What’s missing beneath the surface
If all I choose to show
Is my smile
But not the pain behind it
The twinkle in my eye often
Confused for happiness
I avoid superficial conversation
But lack the words
To say what I feel deep inside
I am mute to expressing my pain
Sober,
I drown myself in people
To silence my own mind
Until once again
I find myself alone
Unable to hold back the tears
Of how much
I cannot stand
To be left by myself
With my own thoughts
I don’t have trust issues
I have abandonment issues
For I consistently convince myself
That everyone I love will leave me
Like they have
So many times before
And honestly I understand
To look at myself
From someone else’s shoes
With an insiders perspective
And given the choice
To leave me...
I probably would too
I am empty with nothing left to give because I don’t know how to give to myself
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