i have always wanted to
make you proud.
but the harder i try,
the less you care, it seems.
i didn't cry that day,
but i really wanted to.
you taught me about myself
in a few minutes,
and you watched me closely
as i learned the ropes.

and today it's so cloudy and i am
freezing cold
and i just want you to be proud
because i am still smiling.

i am at home,
here,
covering up and
staring out the window,
and i can't wait to smile at you.
because maybe,

*this time you'll smile back