Heres what took so long:
Being okay with letting you go.
Sometimes I will look around
And a flurry of memories wraps around me
Like an anaconda
And it took so long
To be okay with that.
I remember trudging through the snow
How I wanted to go run to the outside of your house
I knew you were wandering around too.
But I looked at my reflection in the city street window

And I stopped myself from running.
And now sometimes
I don’t know if I want to be with such a sensitive man
And people say, but it takes a man to realize that
But I stand still, with energy and stake
Waiting for tomorrow
But I try not to wait
I work out and I want my hips to shrink
I tell myself, lets let whoever bite first
And I may just go home alone
And I do, I find peace with that.

With everything so up in the air
I feel like I have such little say
And it makes it hard to stay
In this city
Where I rank my happiness
A 5
Cold sores, clean laundry, beer I never drank before
Snow flakes drift around me and my sore hips
And I smile at thoughts of older men
And then remind myself not to wear heels
This time, as my smile starts to fade


But sometimes
I have to remind myself to be grateful
And I wish I too, could pretend
Lie, get sympathy from the audience
But I sit at a cafe instead
Because I am sick of living alone.

But
It must have been last year
It hurt
I hurt
And now its a different kind of pain
The pain of waiting to move forward
But staying kind and present
So I do
I try.
Lipstick stained coffee
Counting how many likes you receive on the internet
And these days I try, to look my best
Whoever bites first?
No.
Stop waiting.
I bite into the world
Because I never really did before.
So I bite.