This isn't really a poem but more a statement that I'll elaborate on in length.

I really think you just have to love 100%. I have a commitment problem aside from loving. I even took a stupid test on it for a class; I'm interested in everything and genuinely committed to very little. I lack substance because of it and I know it. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing so until then I just love.

I love indefinitely and those who maybe don't deserve it. I'm friends with my exes and let me tell you that's a whole ton of love because these boys broke my heart and I found a way to love them anyway. I broke their hearts too, and I'm so **** greatful they found a way to let me back in.

I love the people that are annoyed or bothered by me because they give me perspective. Maybe they know something I don't, that a flaw I have can be improved upon. I don't always give these people much weight in my life, but I love them anyway.

I love my family even if these people make me want to scream into a pillow. I love my parents in spite of the fact that I'm scared they don't love each other, and that hurts me. I love my brothers and you know what? I should tell them more, but the best way I know how is to listen when my older brother tells a story for too long and let my little brother drive so he can get some more practice.

I love my friends so much. Again, commitment issues means I have a lot of friends and I love really far and wide because only having a few friends scares me; if they leave, I'm alone. It helps and it hurts that this is how I love; some days I feel so lonely and others I feel like I know the world and somehow, all these people appreciate and love me even if it's tiny and ephemeral.

I love the people I've befriended because they're my extended family. They're the long drives with long conversations about life, the people I talk in accents with, the people I call when I'm crying and snotty and hurting. They're the concerts and the walks in the park, the occasionally coffee dates and "hey let's catch up" and hope we actually do.

These are the people I want to buy little things for so they know someone thinks about them. These are the people I randomly text so they know they're on my mind. These are the people I want to write long letters to explaining why I love and appreciate them, even if all we ever had was a class together.

And loving as much as I do kicks my *** sometimes. I love too much; it scares some people away. I love in excess, so much that some people can't handle it and feel uncomfortable or stray. I know my love can be mistaken for fake, for needy, for romantic and for naïve. Regardless, I love anyway.

I understand and my love will never be quiet or contained and some days I wish I only loved so many people that I could count them off with my two hands, but that simply isn't me. I don't know how to commit to loving only a few and loving them to what they deserve. I've poured my love meant for particular people out and I can't take that back, and give it to someone else. I can't reclaim the love I've given away.

The grass is greener where you water it and my love is a ******* monsoon over a drought-ridden field; I swear my love within myself grew as the numbers of people I love grew too. I don't have a yard, I have a plain. I don't have a rain cloud, I have a storm.

Maybe with age and experience those numbers will dwindle and I'll come to see that loving few is best for me. Until then though, all I have is a pouring love for anyone who doesn't mind getting a little wet. I have a love that may not be all you need but a part of what you seek, and I can solely commit to saying that that's enough for me.