September 26th, 2013 was the last time I heard your voice Looking back now if I could have held onto the sound I would've Everyday since then I've mourned for you as if you have died In my heart it feels like you have and to be honest I've wished it that way At least then I'd have a headstone to cry over, ashes to spread Then at least I'd have natural causes or a person to blame Instead the blames fall in my hands, the heaviest weight in the world I have wished so many times for you to be home safe with us That I swear if you look hard enough you can see it written in the fog Clear as the light that shines upon me from the full moon in the sky I remember the pain exploding in my chest as I realized I lost you I lost the battle against everything I was trying to save you from As your friend, sister, protector, guidance I had failed you For months I obsessed over the dream of hearing you again Until enough days had passed that it was just a whisper in my thoughts When the summer wind turned to chilly autumn rain I woke up on my front porch fresh tears on my cheeks The step beside warm where you had been sitting Reassuring me that it wasn't my fault, kissing my forehead Preaching my own words to me and getting through to me Finally I found hope again within myself November 6th, 2014 It's an ordinary morning crawling slowly by My life is in an uproar of chaos I can not control Then I'm staring at my phone reading your words Shaking my head wondering if this is another dream Calling your brother until he picks up and crying until I can't breathe Telling him he has to get online, he can't waste any time That his brother is online and doing so well. Hello Dommy, How I've missed you these past few hundred days.