it starts slowly,
brought on by something simple
like a television show.

and then it spirals,
downward,
upward,
out of control.

no longer crying over a television show,
I am standing now, hands grabbing at my chest,
the neck of my shirt.

I am gasping quietly,
beginning to breathe heavier,outh wide open,
stumbling down the hall towards my room.

tears burn my eyes,
my cheeks hot,
my face is on fire,
I turn the corner and close the door.

my headphones jammed into my ears,
cranked up high,
for I do not want to hear,
the sounds of my own unhappiness.

I am still aware that I keep quiet,
crumpling to my knees,
mouth open in a silent scream,
my features contort,
I am a screaming ******* her knees,
on mute.

no one hears a thing as my throat aches,
to scream,
to wail,
loud and clear,
for all to hear.

I am sad all of the sudden,
it hits like a ton of bricks,
an avalanche,
it frightens me.

I feel heavy,
a weight sitting upon me,
I cannot rid myself of it.

everything negative,
all at once whispering their cruel thoughts to me.

as I tip over,
my fingers curling,
hands pulling into my sides,
mouth still open in a silent scream,
I cannot make them go away.

those little voices telling me,
everything negative,
in my life,
about my existence.

I am suddenly very small,
insignificant,
I cannot shake this feeling.

it weighs on my chest,
as I rise,
and climb into bed.

laying flat on my back,
I wipe away the tears,
I realize,
this is what scares me most.