i love when it's so cold
outside
it hurts to breathe
i feel small and meaningless
like i don't belong
and i have to fight to
be where i am

i am positive
i've never in my life run to
see the sun rise
before
i am the antithesis of a morning person
in my bones i know i cannot fall asleep before midnight--
it's a waste
everything fun happens after midnight--
i'm only running now because
i ****** up my sleep schedule so badly
i've made a full circle
from normal to nocturnal and back again
i hope i can see it through

i've been letting myself fall asleep whenever i want
usually 7am-3pm
then for some reason i fall asleep watching cartoons
8pm-midnight
then up again
rinse, repeat

i have bruises on my thighs
from vitamin C deficiency
i've probably gone three shades paler
hiding from the sun for weeks
in my self-exile

i don't feel like i'm falling apart
going crazy
but all the signs are there
who is there to save me from myself?