I remember the first time I had my heart broken
except I really don't
it's just that familiar sense, that familiar feeling
of feeling less than everything
of wanting so badly
to not exist, to have never been born
to die a hundred deaths
and have every ***** in my body
completely torn to shreds
anything to never feel the way I'm feeling

nights are so strange
there is a world we are missing out on while we are asleep
the night is filled with noises we'll never live to hear
during the day

reflections are so strange
shadows are so sad
so much time wasted trying to get to know your image
through a mirror
a mirror, your only self

could it be that the blind see more clearly?
paintings and photographs, sickening nostalgia
what use will have my photograph
when I'm no longer here?
will you remember me a while longer?
will you still think of me as strange?

I'm thinking of a few things to consider
this tends to happen a lot around 2 : 03 A.M.

I was thinking
of perhaps
putting an ad in the penny saver
submitting a few poems
submitting my phone number and
some pathetic description
a description sincere

"I am sad
I am lonely
I am just as lost as you
I want to know your story
you can't sleep, and neither can I
sooner or later
we are going to die
talk on the phone with me"

I'm not very fond of summer
I feel lovely in the fall
winter is sad, cold, and romantic
it reminds me of my youth

I miss wearing sweaters
I'll be twenty-one soon
I want to get drunk
I'm already lost
I want to be wild

I want to kiss strangers
I want a beautiful body and beautiful hair
I want to live in stupidity
and travel the world by train, trolley,  
and aero plane

I want to be asleep

I could be dreaming right now
it's all ending, keep writing
it doesn't matter, but it does

one day I'll be happy
I'll be lovely soon enough