when i cant sleep at night

colors come into my sight

and infiltrate my brain.

green, soft grass and anxiety

warm summer nights, i try to be

calm and relaxed but here i stay the cold spring

saint patrick’s day and waterfalls

pollen and flowers above all

irritate my weaknesses and i need to be blessed yet again

sweet hazel eyes and

cerulean nights

haunt my dreams until the morning is bright

yellow, kind bees and annoyance

city ****** above the celebration joyous

baby ducks and easter pair perfectly with early gunshots

i’m okay, i’m okay

spring and summer and what day

am i asleep am i awake

is this real or is this fake

yellow used to be calm

winnie the pooh had no qualms

but now it buzzes constantly in my head

a lifeless drone makes me wish i was dead

blue, rumbing ocean, shining sea

white-capped waves that bring pure glee

i used to crawl so eagerly

down to the water before my mom stopped me

she’d known i’d drown.calm currents could pull me down

falling rain feeds the riptides

as a kid i didn’t mind

but now i know the dangers that hide behind

the waters contain jellyfish lies

luminescent puffs so nice

but if you get to close!

well,

if looks could ****.

one wrong step in the deep blue

could end up killing you.

white, pure, clean, safe

a facade that really lets chafe

when the colors begin in my head i must make post-haste

because white thunders and shakes my brain

dry lightning snaps and electrocutes all sane

it hurts it stings it bends it breaks

what do i do what do i do

how to i breath how do i get through

i’m scared and lost and shivering and sorry

even though i’m getting hurt i can’t help but worry

i want to scream but the white fills my lungs

squeezing my chest and snatching my tongue

i’m scared

…red.

red is pain, love, marriage and divorce

red is *** put upon you by force

abuse, apologies, a shouted curse

poems read without a verse

…but red is apples, cider and tea

christmas and fall and halloween

warm sweaters and burning embers

brick fireplaces and donation centers

i’ve been sitting here for too long

maybe a slow burn isn’t so wrong.



i wake up to black.

a spine, a needle, a laptop cord

an entire sentence without one word

the reality i’ve come to know

has disappeared after come and go

i guess i’m okay with the way things are now

point A to point B without knowing how

as long as it isn’t other’s pain and only mine

this emptiness here—this is fine.