I foolishly thought
recovery
was the point past which
I no longer reached
for Kleenex, yet it seems
you still follow me
in the back of my throat
causing me to choke
from time to
time, and occasionally
I spit you up [the bile that you are],
and I want so much
to be free from you,
but in my moments
of weakness,
I swallow you up -
whole again - I know no
different, you are the beginning
and the end.