It's been a while since
I've thought about you.
To be frank, I should have
Written this a while ago.
Well, here goes.......

My brothers and I
Didn't know you
Like we wished to,
You didn't know us
As much as you wished to.
We only saw you every so often.

Our father would park
His dark green Expedition,
And open its doors.
We paced the hallways
Of the musty,
Egg white hospital,
It was a family mission.

Year after year you were
Constrained to a hospital bed,
Blessing us with your
Huge smile every time
We were there with you,
Even then it was
Still difficult to
Fight back a grimace.

You consistently asked us
What we wanted for Christmas,
Saying that as soon as
You left the hospital
You would get it for us.
The older I became
The more I realized that
It probably wasn't going to happen.

I could see that you enjoyed our company,
I knew we rejuvenated your spirit,
Despite the fact you were moving
Closer and closer towards death,
Then you died of diabetes.
I had no idea how to react to it.

Could your life
Have been prolonged?
What shames me
Is that I never truly
Cried or grieved,
I wasn't even at your funeral.
Was I indifferent?
I never spoke to my father
About how your death
Affected him.

Ever since he and my mother split
We've been estranged,
And my life has never been the same.
My memory is such a haze,
But I do sort of remember
Sitting in your apartment complex,
Staring at some peanuts and sea shells
On a mahogany like table.

I don't remember if you told me to,
Or if it was by impulse,
But I held one of the
Beautiful seashells in my hand,
Placed my ear to its open space,
And I swear I could
Hear the entire Atlantic Ocean,
I would savor the pleasant sound.


You suffered
During the last moments
Of your life,
But you're alive in me, in us,
Centered in our blood.
I love you Ruby Wilson.

Originally written 1/26/14
Revised 10/20/14

(c) 2014 Brandon Antonio Smith