Talking about trash and vomitting i am staring at the ceiling with my dry mouth open I slept at three and woke up at eleven It was a sunny morning my roommate left at seven she left the curtain open and why did not she let the window break sometimes i think of jumping but standing on height makes me want to fall to bed and hide under the blanket I don't want to bathe and eat breakfast but i kept snacking and i wish i were that sweet tooth i haven't washed the dishes and ****** and i am thinking of Being in a plane Heat struck and breaking the window the wind the clouds the pressure I don't know if i am still afraid of heights I have never been that high enough anyway like i am on the second floor it's never high enough i think of the high buildings in the capital city but i just love her too much I will not I will not I will not let them read me in newspapers I still think about methods to die but it does not make sense anymore like i want to have bullets on my head like jesus' crown but i don't want the cold thing in my mouth i don't want my head to be a blood fountain out of the blue I am too drained even to think of running and jumping off a cliff like it's actually dumb and not pretty and i hear that we have so much to live We have so much to live I didn't have my breakfast I am too okay to think this laziness as depression i cannot blame my brain it is too okay it is too okay i am too okay i shouldn't complain Too much Too much i complain too much
You grow flowers out of your corpse but all i want to be is to decay into plastic and harm the earth and it's true that such a sad world we live in I am getting you back here Sonja i am getting you back here
You are still me You are still me You are still me