I would like to feel as though a hole was cut into me
fully, deeply, and intensely
so that I cannot repair it and I do not
have to think hard about it before it breaks me
and I would like to be kicked in the gut with tears
and have my throat choked by something I can't escape
because the only sadness I have ever felt
is love or the lack of it- never anything permanent,
always a hope- and I would like to learn
how to deal with an absence of hope
so that I may help others who have none.